Fire
by Fayet
Summary: In which Remus develops a sudden interest in the wolfsbane potion and it's creator, Severus would rather be left alone, and Albus tries his hand at matchmaking. Voldemort is a bastard, Lucius Malfoy jealous, and Sirius mostly confused. Companion piece to "Smoke". Slight AU-ish, slash, read notes inside.
1. The best is yet to come

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Has never been. Will never be.

Rating: Hum. You know. Might go up and such. Also this features slight slash, so please be warned.

Notes: This fanfiction is a translation. The original is "Earl Gray", was published 2010 - 2011, and has 21 chapters. "Fire" follows the general story arc of "Earl Gray", but I had so much fun changing the previous piece while translating that both will not be identical. Plot and character developement will change. For you that also means that I don't have to write it up from scratch, so you know that there will be an ending and that it actually almost all makes sense. Yes.

Also I'd like to point out that, while "Fire" is the second part to "Smoke", it can be read on it's own. I try to explain things as I go along without repeating myself too much, but if you're keen on reading things, maybe read "Smoke" first. Or not.

And finally: I ignore everything that happened after PoA, so this is AU-ish, in a sense that the plotlines and character development are out of canon. That especially concerns Snape's background story, family and life ante Hogwarts, but also Remus' childhood and details. Sorry I'm not sorry, but I didn't like anything past PoA, seriously. So I ignore it. Yay!

Whenever someone speaks a language that is not english the quote will be translated and explained in the comment section underneath each chapter. Same goes for certain details, historical events and wizarding 101. I loved writing Earl Grey because I could think up lots of details and do some research, so there's much historical more or less accurate potion trivia, herbology and so much latin to come.

Last, but not least: read, review, have fun, don't kill me. Here we go.

* * *

**Fire**

_That valley, dark and deep and filled with mist, _

_is such that, though I gazed into its pit,_

_ I was unable to discern a thing. _

_(...)_

_Our path had not gone far beyond_

_ the point where I had slept,_

_ when I beheld a fire_

_win out against a hemisphere of shadows._

Dante: Divina Commedia, Inferno: Canto 04

(transl. Mandelbaum)

* * *

**The best is yet to come**

It was one of the world's absolute certainties that the Daily Prophet's prophecies were never right. They tended to sway between being utterly wrong and just slightly off the mark. Everybody knew that, even the most delusional loyal subscriber. It had been a big surprise, then, that for once the newspaper had been absolutely spot on.

And with something as important as the weather, even. Between all the political scandals, the Quidditch results and the conspiracy theories that always had everybody as a criminal who wasn't Voldemort or a Death Eater it had been the weather column, a small segment everybody knew about and nobody ever read. Early in June the Daily Prophet's very own weatherwitch, a rather peculiar Ms. Cumulus, had announced the coming month to be the summer of all summers, to bring everything the endlessly rain-soaked British Islands had been dreaming off forever. Nobody had listened. The number of applications for long-distance apparation licences hadn't declined even the in the slightest.

And then Ms. Cumulus had been right. It wasn't warm and sunny, it was hot and humid. Even the night barely brought coolness, hardly a breeze. It was warm everywhere, and even the highlands and northern parts of Scotland suddenly needed more sunscreen than anybody had ever used in the past ten years. Witch Weekly ran a highly successful issue with a decent number of sun protection spells as front-page story and sold more copies than they had even with their Exploding Christmas Pudding Special the previous year.

The heat wave hit Hogwarts just as it did every other part of Great Britain. Even the most tucked away rooms and corridors of the castle were filled with heat, and thick as a blanket it lay on the grounds and the Forbidden Forest. The castle sat upon its hill like a tired beast that had crouched down and decided to never move again.

But the heat brought more then just sweat, red skin and a unusal intense use of ice cubes. With it came the freedom to simply drop all work, declare that it was too warm to think anyway, and enjoy the suddenly free time. The lake saw more patrons than ever before, the Forbidden Forest was suddenly attractive as a lovely spot for a walk around noon, and several members of the still residing faculty had declared the dungeons to be the best living space in all of Hogwarts. Not that many of them went there.

Remus, at least, didn't. He knew that Severus had started to use certain parts of the student's laboratories for his own experiments which used heat-sensitive ingredients, and he knew better than to meet the Head of Slytherin per chance all alone in a darkened corridor.

He had a certain idea that he wouldn't survive such a lovely coincidence. After all he had come up with something like a blackmailing scheme, a rather exquisite plot to make Severus do - well. Something. Remus Lupin was rarely in possession of knowledge that was adequate to blackmail anyone. But what he had seen on his excursion with Severus to the opium den in a rather seedy part of London had suddenly provided him with ample material to stage a beautiful little blackmail affaire.

It was just that Remus wasn't very experienced with blackmail. Working as a spy he had acquired a nice set of unsavoury skills, could fight cleverly and creatively, could talk people into doing things or simply hide somewhere and observe the situation for days on end. But blackmail wasn't inherent to his personal arsenal of weapons.

His biggest problem was that he wasn't yet sure what exactly he wanted. Which, he had to admit, was slightly strange considering the fact that usually people came up with the idea of blackmail to get something very specific. In his case the blackmail had been there before he had come up with a proper reason.

If he was honest that wasn't a very clever plot. Yet. Wanting nothing in particular wasn't something one could cut out from newspapers and paste together. I have your cat and I want you to pay me five pounds my noon! Now, that was something one could arrange on paper and throw in someones' mailbox.

Just that Severus didn't have a cat. Or a mailbox.

And what Remus had wasn't an object, but more a rather interesting idea of Severus' line of work as a spy for the order. And, much more important, a lot of interesting information on the spy himself. Only days after their excursion to the opium den Remus had realized that what he had learned was actually - literally - vitally important. In his mind the image of Severus stretched out on the divan was still very present, opium pipe dangling from long fingers, strange smile painted to his face as he admitted to be suffering, to be dying actually.

If Remus was honest to himself all he wanted to do was to help. And then find a way to make Severus purr indecent things into his ear, but that was quite a different story.

But he had no clue how to achieve his first goal, nevermind the second. Or what actually was wrong. Severus hadn't quite listed his ailments. He briefly mentioned the Cruciatus and what it did to a human body, but he hadn't said what it did to his specific human body. And Remus knew he wouldn't ever confess anything. Severus wasn't the type to complain. He'd keep silent and die that way, rather than ever admitting that it was too much. That he couldn't do this any longer, not the way they were doing it right now.

But Remus cut a rather unimpressive knight in shining armour, and he knew it. It wouldn't quite do to rush into the lab on a white horse and sweep Severus off his feet, neverminding the fact that he didn't know how to handle a horse and that Severus wasn't really one of those half-naked beauties from the books his aunts used to read.

So he had come up with a different plan, and that included the blackmail.

There was also this very strange thing that was Remus' sudden sexual attraction to his lifelong antagonist. Somehow he had hoped that it had been the opium. Then he had hoped that it was just some weird idea the wolf had gotten into its furry head, that whatever Remus suddenly saw in the git would just go away, rather soon, if he just ignored it.

But nothing like this happened.

He hadn't exactly seen much of Severus in the past two weeks, and every time they had met at dinner or lunch they had skillfully and with years of practice ignored each other. But strangely enough Remus' fine hearing had picked up on Severus deep voice whenever someone was speaking to him, even amidst the general soundscape of conversations at a crowded dinner table, and it had reminded him of the silky purr he couldn't get out of his head anymore.

Great. He felt like he was fifteen once again, and it wasn't something he was particularly pleased with.

Sighing Remus dropped his head back and looked at the bright blue sky as if it could supply him with an answer. But only a few white clouds and birds were in view, and they weren't talkative.

He had been sitting on a small hill overlooking the lake for a while now. It was his usual spot for thinking, or relaxing, or reading. From here he could see the castle perched on the hill, overlooked parts of the grounds, and could think on the reflexes of light and sky on the lake's clean water. Or on the reflexes the small oil lamp in the opium den had thrown on Severus' pitch black eyes.

And then suddenly Sirius plonked down on the grass, and scared Remus half to death. How come he hadn't heard him coming? He really needed to get Severus out of his head. And find a solution for his blackmail problem.

"Hogwarts calling Moony. What's wrong with you? Are you brain dead or something?"

Sirius waved a hand in front of Remus' face, and poked him into the shoulder. Remus shock his head and boxed back.

"I was lost in thought, sorry. Didn't hear you coming at all. Were you creeping up on me?"

Shaking his head Sirius stretched, and then lay back on the grass.

"Of course I wasn't, you're jumpy as it is. Whatever it is you're thinking about, it must be fascinating. You haven't been yourself these past days. What's the matter with you?"

Remus sighed. For a brief moment he considered telling Sirius the truth, but then he'd probably be thrown in the lake and dunked underwater for the next hour or so, in what Sirius would probably call a purification ceremony.

"What would you ask for if you could have anything?"

Sirius propped himself up on an elbow and regarded Remus with an expression that clearly betrayed how strange the question was. Sometimes he wondered whether heat wasn't bad for werewolves, in general.

"Like, what? Why?"

Shrugging Remus started to pull out bushels of grass.

"Theoretical question. Do you know what that is?"

Sirius snorted.

"Yeah, as if. That's like those my-friend-thinks-you're-hot schemes. I'm not stupid, you know. Anyway. If, in your very theoretical and at all not implying that you're thinking about something rather weird scheme I could ask for anything I'd want a new broom. Or sex. I guess freedom isn't an option, right?"

It seemed rather fair that Sirius was thinking about sex. At least Remus wasn't the only one with a dirty mind.

"I guess not. Okay, thanks."

Sirius shook his head, black unruly hair flying everywhere.

"Really, you don't want to tell me? Come on, I'm your best friend and personal pet and all that emotional stuff. Well, you know, if you want to talk just tell me."

He was rather sure he didn't want to indulge Sirius with his recent sexual fantasies concerning Severus, his very long fingers and a rather - Merlin, he wouldn't go there right now! Gritting his teeth he shock his head again.

"Okay. In any case, I meant to tell you that I'll be gone for the next weeks, on and off. Albus wants me to look after Harry a bit, you know, wander the neighbourhood and such things. He isn't sure Harry is safe there anymore, but I've been telling him forever that he should take him in during the summer. Hogwarts would make a proper vacation spot for him. But Albus insists on the Dursleys, for whatever reason. In any case I guess I'll be back before the next full moon, but if I'm not you'll be okay alone, yes? Do you have your potion? And did that opium thing work? And where's the bat currently, haven't seen him around for days."

Remus followed the monologue with nodding and shrugging.

"Harry will be happy to see you, of course. I'll be fine, don't worry. The potion is there, I guess the opium worked and I haven't seen Severus for a while either. Does that answer all you questions?"

Sirius let himself fall back on his back again and nodded.

"Sure. Glad to hear you're feeling good. It was dreadful watching you being in so much pain. I know you really need that potion, but I could kill the old berk. And aren't you really tired of being dependent on the git for brewing that stuff every month? I'd be bugged by that."

The things that happened in Remus' brain in the next ten seconds felt as if someone had put the final piece of a gigantic puzzle into his hand, patted his shoulders and then turned on the light. Everything suddenly made sense.

"You're a bloody genius, do you know that?"

It was beautiful. It was perfect, made sense in every possible way, was absolutely innocuous and so easy. Remus could see it in front of his eyes, a fine panorama glittering in the morning light of a bright new day.

Sirius stared at him as if he had suddenly lost his mind. Heat and werewolves, he should have known. It didn't go together.

"What? Are you off your rocker?"

Remus smiled, the broadest possible, delighted and slightly mental smile, and nodded.

"Absolutely."

With more energy then he had shown all day he pushed himself off the ground and brushed the grass from his shorts.

"What's for dinner tonight, do you know? I'll see you later."

Then he waved and almost jogged back to the castle, all the time feeling Sirius' slightly disturbed and very surprised stare in his back. Remus had lost his mind, and the heat was to blame. Oh yes. It was time to look for a cooler place in the castle. Maybe the dungeons. There were potion's labs down there, after all, and someone who just had acquired a rather tangible problem.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 24/7/2010 - 1/9/2014


	2. The best-laid schemes

**The best-laid schemes**

Remus didn't have to go far. As soon as he entered the castle he ran into Minerva McGonagall, who had seen Severus at breakfast that day and remembered that he had refused an already rhetorical invitation for tea with the excuse of having to do something incredibly complicated that included lots of numbers and would keep him occupied in the student labs for the full day.

Whistling Remus climbed down the stairs into the dungeons, savouring the coolness still sitting between the heavy stones. It calmed his warm skin and eased the build-up heat in his body remarkably well.

For a short moment he leaned against the strong wall, feeling the rough structure of the century-old stones, listening to their soft and faint whispering. He didn't understand their language, but he heard it perfectly well, and always imagined that they told him tales of all the wizards and witches who had been there before him, their successes and defeats, their dramas and joys. He didn't know whether everybody could hear the whispering stones or if it was only him, but it had never occurred to him to ask anyone else.

Then he walked on. The door leading to the student laboratories was ajar, and without knocking he pushed it open a bit further and glanced inside.

Minerva had been right. Severus sat on a bench in the first row, his back to the door, feet only slightly brushing the floor. His gaze was fixed to the large blackboard, which was covered from top to bottom with numbers, arithmetical signs, and very strange-looking lines. A very distant memory rose in Remus' mind, reminding him of a few sessions in Potions in his seventh year during which their professor had introduced his class to the very basic elements of alchemical arithmetic, a subject Remus had immediately decided he wouldn't pursue further. It was a true art, that was clear, but Remus had never been friendly with numbers and mathematical magic to begin with. His talents were rather hands-on, what Sirius always claimed meant that he wasn't the brightest.

Silently he pushed the door open further and without making unnecessary noise walked into the lab. Severus didn't move. His gaze was firmly on the long row of numbers on the blackboard. A piece of chalk floated in mid-air close to the blackboard, indicating which line Severus was currently considering, waiting to receive orders. A second piece was in his left hand, and without any apparent sign that he was aware of it he turned it between his fingers, an endless circle. His hand, lab robe and hair showed serious signs of being covered in chalk dust. He wasn't aware of it.

For a short moment Remus considered whether it was a particular good idea to disturb the atmosphere of absolute concentration. But just as he had decided to say something a gesture from Severus silenced him and bade him to take a seat. Dutiful Remus sat down in one of the benches and continued to watch the scenery. Since the numbers on the blackboard didn't make any sense at all he concentrated on the man instead.

Summer hadn't done Severus any favours. Or, more accurately, hadn't changed him in the slightest. He didn't wear his long academic robes, yes, but that was about the only difference there was between the Head of Slytherin and the chalk-dust covered potions master in front of Remus. He was again wearing an old lab robe, this time in a dark grey hue, although Remus wasn't sure whether the thing had been dark from the very beginning or just gone grey with washing. Around his left wrist the same frayed cloth as always covered the Dark Mark, and his hair was held together at the nape of his neck by a simply silver clasp, revealing a rather indecent amount of pale skin and the uppermost vertebrae in his neck.

That pale skin made Remus nervous was a rather new development, and he realized it without remorse. He was under no illusions about himself.

In the meantime it seemed that Severus had made progress with his numerical monster. Suddenly the silently floating piece of chalk became alive, and with ferocity continued the row of numbers at the very bottom of the blackboard. Then it stopped suddenly, flew upwards a bit, and remained there again waiting for new orders. From his seat Remus saw Severus' lips moving silently. The look on his face was something Remus had never seen before. He was completely lost for the present world, occupied by something only his inner eye could see, submerged into a lake of pure concentration and knowledge, tapping into resources he had probably acquired long ago. It was strange, and new, and beautiful, as it always was to see someone do something they loved and knew by heart.

He had never seen Severus brew, and right now he realized that he decidedly had to change that.

Then Severus suddenly grinned, snapped his fingers and the piece of chalk changed lines and replaced a three underneath a particular obscure root-symbol with a five. From there on everything seemed to come together easily. The piece of chalk raced over the blackboard, replacing numbers, switching intermediate results and finally writing a number with no less than seven positions after the decimal point. With a squeak the chalk piece underlined the result four times and then came to rest at its usual spot underneath the blackboard. In its place a piece of parchment and a quill flew up to the teacher's desk and started to copy the mathematical monster from the blackboard.

Satisfied Severus nodded, his eyes still on the blackboard. Without realizing that his hand was still covered with fine white chalk he brushed a stray strand of hair out of his face, leaving white powder all over his forehead.

"There's a certain beauty in finding a mistake simply by taking apart the mathematical aspects of the second elemental level. I know that you will tell me how daring it is to do that equation in the second line, but let me tell you - "

He turned around and fell silent.

"Somehow I thought it was Albus. What do you want?"

Maybe to distract Remus he brushed the chalk off his hands. Remus pointed at the blackboard.

"How long did you sit down here calculating that?"

Severus shrugged.

"What time is it? Past lunch?"

Shaking his head Remus grinned.

"It's almost dinner time."

Standing up Severus crossed the room towards the small sink and started to wash his hands.

"Considering that you used to be rather helpless when it came to numbers I imagine that you are not here because of a sudden interest in alchemical arithmetic."

Biting back a sharp remark Remus decided to smile instead. It wasn't yet time to strike. Not yet. The trap was almost ready. He just needed two more steps. And he took the first one that very second.

"You see, I don't quite see the beauty in them. Maybe you can help me. You should recall that I know a few things you might want me to keep to myself. But, as you can imagine, my silence comes at a price."

Severus was almost done with cleaning his hands, and reached for a towel. For a very short second Remus thought that a strange smile ghosted over his face, but it was gone so quickly that he wasn't sure whether he hadn't only imagined it.

"Is that so. And what do you require for your silence?"

Very carefully Severus replaced the towel on its hock and turned around, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Somehow sitting at a student's table didn't help Remus' authority. He tried to ignore that, though.

"Well, what can I want from you?"

He made care to stress the personal pronouns, indicating that there could hardly be anything that Severus Snape had that he would want to have. Besides the whole man, maybe. But it wasn't the right moment to admit that. Smiling sweetly he continued.

"If we consider our current situation you might realize that I am, to a certain extent, dependent on you. Or on wolfsbane, which is roughly the same. I need it every month, and that will never change. I might also not always have access to a potions master."

There was a hint of panic in Severus raised eyebrow.

"Does that mean that you - ?"

He didn't even finish his sentence, but Remus nodded, looking at him the way he would at a particular slow student.

"I see you understand what I mean. I want you to teach me how to make wolfsbane. In return I will keep your little secret."

It seemed that Severus was in desperate need to hold something in his hands just so he could drop it. At least he didn't faint or burst into laughter. Still he somehow managed to choke, and coughed rather graceless into his sleeve for a solid minute. When he had air in his lungs once more he regarded Remus with a glance as if he was a member of an especially stupid species.

"Have you gone mad? That's impossible."

Remus simply crossed his legs.

"Does that mean that you cannot do it or that you do not wish to do it?"

WIthout warning Severus slammed a hand on the nearest table.

"Do you even have the slightest idea how complicated that bloody potion is? You're not equiped to create something that is even remotely as difficult as wolfsbane. You have no education beyond the basic school curriculum for potions, you cannot perform wandless magic and are thus not capable of concentrating magical energy precisely and you lack focus. You do not even know the basics."

Remus still smiled.

"As werewolf I possess an excellent and heightened sense of smell, as you might now. I had very good potions grades for the NEWTs, although I wasn't the top student of my class, as you might remember, considering that you were that person. I am also not in the slightest interested in these mathematical nightmares. All I want it the practical aspect, nothing more."

Remus could see slow anger in Severus' body language. This was perfect.

"No. This potion isn't a toy or anything you've ever seen before. Wolfsbane is new, hardly tested, and incredibly delicate. Put it off balance in the wrong moment and this whole damn castle is gone. Belby died that way. Ingredients are rare and very expensive. I'm condemned to stop my students from blowing us all up during term time, I've got no capacities to control a delusional layman in my lab toying with highly volatile ingredients. And if you fail there will be a loose werewolf amongst us during the next full moon? No. This is not going to happen."

Apparently the mere idea of having Remus in his lab was a proper nightmare for Severus. The refusal was complete, brutal, and deadly honest. And Remus was fully aware that Severus was absolutely right: he had no clue how wolfsbane worked, and was also fairly certain that it was far too difficult for him. It wasn't for nothing that it was supposed to be one of the most complex potions that had ever been invented, and of course Remus was aware of that.

But he liked the acting so much.

Pretending to be very huffed he got to his feet.

"So this is your last word in this matter?"

Severus crossed his arms in front of his chest, all of his facial expression and body language clearly pointing out that if Remus wanted to go into his lab he'd have to climb over his dead cold body first.

"Absolutely. Do you think I spent all these years training as a potions master because it's so incredibly easy?"

Shrugging Remus shock his head, carefully arranging a certain sadness into his features.

"Well, then. You've made your decision, there's nothing I can do for you anymore. I made you an offer, but if it doesn't suit you - what can I do? Pity, really. But, well. Shovel your own grave."

Still shaking his head he made his way over to the door. Already standing in the door frame he turned around one last time, looking back into the room where Severus still stood, a picture of rejection and annoyance.

"Oh, and you got chalk literally everywhere. Especially on your face. Rather ridiculous, if you ask me."

Then he vanished through the heavy door frame as fast as he could. Behind him a silent spell threw the door close with as much force as possible, and the hinge vibrated with the sheer force.

Grinning and now whistling again Remus made his way back up the stairs. The first step of his plan was finished, and everything had gone exactly according to his plan. It was perfect. He'd give Severus a few days to get used to the thought, and then proceed with his plan, step by step, until at the very end the potions master would stumble into the delicate trap and he'd be Remus' very own prisoner.

It was brilliant.

Severus would just need to shower prior to that moment. The chalk in his hair really didn't look good on him.

Three days later the situation hadn't changed much. Remus had spent two of these hiding in the library, where the temperature was still bearable and the darkness of the room helped to ignore the burning sunshine outside. He had read his way through everything about wolfsbane that he knew existed and then done random research with a special focus on herbology. Slowly the gears of his mind began to operate more smoothly when it came to remembering everything he had learned in the seven years of Potions and Herbology in school, and things returned to his mind that he had thought he had forgotten long ago. He wouldn't quite take his NEWTs again, but for a random werewolf he wasn't too bad, at least in his own opinion.

On the evening of the third day in the library Remus' headache became unbearable. He had already woken up with a foggy head, feeling the pain crawling up on him. With skills practiced by years of breaking bones and torn muscles he ignored the pounding in his head and focused on the books. Outside the heat had become oppressive, the thunderstorm necessary to clean the air almost tangible, but not yet there. Everybody had been a bit under the weather, and not only Remus complained about headaches.

He quit early that night, returned to his rooms where a cooling spell kept the temperature low, and tried to read more there. But it was useless. By mid-evening his head seemed to explode, a constant pounding on his skull reminding him of the headache every few seconds. Reading wasn't an option anymore, but lying down only made the pain worse. He took a cool shower and some basic painkillers and tried to sleep.

Three hours later the castle was dark, but Remus headache had gotten even worse. Cursing underneath his breath he finally gave in, threw a lightweight summer robe over his pyjamas and made his way to the hospital wing. Poppy had stronger painkillers in stock than he did, and she would certainly know which one could help him best. If she was still awake, that was.

But Remus was lucky. Under the closed-door he saw her light, and she answered his careful knock quickly.

"Oh, it's you - I thought it could be - well. Good evening, Remus. What can I do for you? You look a bit under the weather. Headache? Well, yes, everybody seems to have one today."

Trying to smile besides his screaming brain Remus nodded and sat down on one of the beds.

"If that bloody thunderstorm would just come already. Do you have something that could help me, maybe some concentrated willow bark?"

She nodded, was gone for a few seconds and returned with a small vial. The clear liquid tasted of nothing in particular, and only per chance did Remus catch the neat writing on the bottom, indicating the to-be-used-before date in Severus' spidery handwriting. Against his will he smiled.

"Thank you. Hopefully this will be better soon. Why are you still awake, by the way? I wasn't sure if I'd even find you here."

Replacing the cork on the vial Poppy nodded, smiling.

"Don't worry. I was taking inventory of the stock, you see. We need to refill several potions soon, and Severus usually brews most of it during summer when he has free time."

For a short moment she seemed to be thinking about adding something else, but then she simply nodded once more and left to place the empty vial in a box on one of the shelves.

"Considering you just took a pretty decent dose of willow bark I'd like to keep you here tonight, if you don't mind. Take a bed in one of the two smaller rooms, everything is cooled down and should be comfortable."

Remus, who didn't really care where he slept as long as it was not too dirty and covered, agreed. Five minutes later he crawled under the clean and cool sheets in a spotlessly white bed, feeling the pounding pain slowly die away. A few more minutes and he was dead asleep.

When he rewoke he had completely lost his sense of orientation. Blinking he sat up, and needed two more minutes to realize where he was. The room was dark, with only the moon casting shadows on the floor. Nothing moved, but something had woken him. His headache was gone, as he noticed with relief.

Then he noticed the light in the other private room next door. Both rooms were connected via a door, and it was only slightly ajar, casting a single line of warm light into the room where Remus had slept until moments ago. But even though he felt better he was still tired, and turning in bed he pulled the blanket over his head and tried to fall asleep again.

But then he heard voices, and the already woken part of him insisted on listening carefully. And as much as he tried, once he had realised that someone was next door he couldn't block the conversation out again, although he really tried. He wanted to sleep! Damn sensitive hearing.

"..just don't get why you never come by yourself. What were you thinking, something like this doesn't heal by itself! You should know better, really. Sit down there, and take that damn robe off."

Poppy sounded tired, but agitated, and not at all happy.

"What happened? Yes I know you can't tell me, but - well. Albus, don't stand around uselessly, take the cloak. Thank you."

Remus heard steps, movement and the noise of someone searching through a box of vials.

"You had a visitor tonight, Poppy?"

Albus' voice was calm, but still didn't lack a sense of urgency.

"Yes, Remus is lying next door, but he's fast asleep."

More noises, mixed with the clank of vials.

"Fine, now let me see. Do you want a painkiller? Did you take anything already?"

More clanking of vials, and steps.

"Too much, don't give me more. It should be manageable."

Severus' voice, dark and utterly exhausted, almost lifeless. Remus closed his eyes, even though he already had his head buried in his blanket. He didn't want to know these things. Or did he?

"How much - what? Well. It will be painful, you know. Let me see."

Then nobody spoke for a moment, or it was that Remus had drifted off into sleep, as if Severus' tiredness had seeped from the dark voice straight into Remus' bones.

When he woke up the next time it was still dark. Remus' body was completely tangled into the sheets, the pillow somewhere on the ground. He must have had a nightmare, kicking and fighting an invisible enemy that in the end was only his starched bed sheet. Sighing he carefully removed the clinging fabric from his limbs and sat up to search for his pillow.

The light in the room next door was gone, but the door was now completely open

Two meters from his bed Remus spotted his poor pillow. Sighing again he stood up, padded a few meters across the cool stone floor and picked the pillow up. Straightening himself again he realized that with his now changed position he could see into the other room. There the same patterns of moonlight were on the ground, casting pale shadows, and giving the perfectly white bed sheets a ghostly glow.

One bed was occupied.

Instantly Remus felt more awake. His curiosity told him that he knew who was asleep there, but that checking wouldn't do anybody any harm. The door was open, in any case, and he'd only go and see from the door frame. It was fine, really.

Still keeping the pillow in both hands he padded over, now careful to not make any sound. It was a thing of five lightweight steps, nothing more, and he stood in the door frame. The other room was much smaller than his own, with only four beds, two on each side. Severus slept in the one closest to the door, probably so that Poppy could check up on him without crossing the whole room. Remus couldn't imagine that Severus had agreed voluntarily to stay in the hospital wing overnight, but Poppy had her ways and sleeping potions, and if she wanted someone to stay she would make sure they did.

Considering how dead the man looked she had probably given him a nice high dose, and knocked him out for good.

The moonlight didn't do him any favours. During the day his quick mimic easily glossed over the fact that his face seemed to be all sharp angles, skin drawn over a skull, with harsh wrinkles on his forehead. He looked much older then he actually was, something Remus had always known to be the punishment of their generation - same could be said for him, for Sirius, for all of them. Suffering never went past without leaving traces. But Severus looked positively as if he were dead already. His prominent nose seemed to be even more crooked than usual, and his eyes were set far too deep into his skull, rimmed with black rings.

In his sleep his face was familiar yet strange, frighteningly unguarded and unprotected from Remus' curiosity. On his left wrist the Dark Mark was shockingly visible against pale skin and white sheets.

On the second glance Remus saw what had been the reason for Severus' visit to the hospital wing. The white bandage around his right wrist at first blended into the sheets with perfection, and only became visible when Remus cast another glance over the sleeping man. It was a thick wrapping of gauze, including a sturdy splint, completely immobilizing the wrist for good.

It didn't look broken, but then Remus wasn't a mediwizard and knew nothing. Broken bones were painful, but could be healed quickly. Torn ligaments were worse, as these needed to heal naturally, without the added help of Skele-Gro that did nothing to mend muscles and tissue.

A potions master with a broken hand, torn ligaments or damaged range of motion was very much a useless thing, and Remus was aware of that. Ingredients needed to be handled carefully, chopped accurately, sometimes within millimeters. A good potions master could feel the quality of an ingredient on the first touch, knew about weight and density, controlled cauldrons and fire with wandless magic traveling through fingertips. He had felt the callouses on Severus' hand back in the opium den, seen the small cuts and rough patches of skin, but also how sensitive to touch his fingertips were.

And he knew the stories. How it was easy to destroy someone by taking the essence of his work from him. He recalled blinded painters, pianists with broken fingers, forced to paint in the dark, to play on bones and bleeding flesh. A single injury would end a career, and destroy a man's will.

Was that injury a mere accident, or more? A hint? A love letter from Voldemort? Or just a slight warning?

Remus felt a cold sensation creep up his spine. He recalled Severus' talk of the upcoming war, of the doom that was looming on the horizon, how they would need to fight to survive. If they wanted to survive, that was.

If the injury on Severus' wrist couldn't be fixed with potions and some magic, if he couldn't brew for the next weeks, who would do it? Someone needed to do the work to fill Poppy's shelves, and someone needed to make Remus' wolfsbane. He felt egoistic thinking about that, but it was true, and the moonlight painting shadows on the floor suddenly seemed to mock him.

Lost in thought he turned around and, still holding his pillow like a precious gem, returned to his bed. He replaced the pillow to its usual spot, climbed back into bed, pulled the covers up and closed his eyes.

But he couldn't get rid of the images. Broken bones, the moonlight, a castle in ruins painted into the smoke. And then, softly, his own voice telling him in his head that he actually shouldn't complain about this new development. That a broken wrist at the right time was exactly what his plan needed. That Voldemort could actually be something like his partner-in-crime. His stomach twisted with a sudden pang of guilt. He certainly hadn't wanted that, but how could he not, somehow, in a very perverted way, take advantage of it?

Life was cruel, and who was he to shy away from the dirt? Werewolves didn't care. He'd get want he wanted, that much was sure. After all one didn't make a omlette without breaking a few eggs. Or a potion master's wrist.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 3/9/2014

_Damocles Belby is said to have researched the Wolfsbane as first potions master in the history of alchemy. If anyone cares for herbology details: wolfsbane is actually the name of a plant, Aconitum, which can be used to produce a toxic extract that kills animals, and was used to kill wolves. Hence the name.  
_

Thanks for follow-ups and the magical first review! I appreciate it, very much so. (fanfiction writer = attention whore. Just sayin'..) I try to update weekly, by the way, depending on my real-life-situation.


	3. Let me change your mind

**Let me change your mind  
**

The next morning Remus felt as if he had been reborn. The headache was gone for good, and he almost jogged down the stairs to the Great Hall. Poppy had only examined him briefly and then send him to eat a good breakfast. The mediwitch looked tired, but when Remus carefully inquired about it she had simply smiled and shrugged. He wasn't to get any details, that much was for sure.

On his way down the stairs he met Albus Dumbledore. The headmaster had been away for the past days, attending Ministry meetings and seeing to his private business. It always astonished Remus that someone so closely connected to Hogwarts as Albus Dumbledore had something like private matters to arrange and tend to, but then almost everybody had. Still it felt good to know him back at Hogwarts. It seemed that even the castle was more at ease now. Remus hadn't seen him officially since his return, but of course he already knew that Albus had arrived sometime late last evening, just in time to catch Severus on what Remus thought was a return from The-Dark-Bastard. But of course he couldn't admit that.

"Albus, it's good to see you're back."

He tried his best to find a way around the necessary lie, and instead beamed brightly at the older man, taking in his appearance in a second glance.

The headmaster wore an appalling bright blue summer robe, made from what looked like almost liquid silk upon which water lilies seemed to float. Whenever one watched parts of the fabric too closely one could belive that there were even fish in there, just below the surface, waiting for a moment when nobody saw them to shortly peek above it. Remus tried his best not to stare, but when the head of a fat carp appeared on Albus' left shoulder for a second he couldn't stop himself. Albus simply smiled.

"Good morning, I am glad to see you this cheerful. Poppy told me you had a bad headache last night, but it seems you are feeling better now. Excellent. Would you care to accompany me? The houseleves set the breakfast table outside, in the orchard. Everybody agreed it would be nice to enjoy good food outside, in this kind of weather! I don't think we ever had such a beautiful summer. And there will be fresh waffles, apparently with cherries! What's not to like about that?"

Chatting away Albus linked his arm with Remus and guided him out of the Great Portal towards the orchard. And he was right: the summer day was splendid. The sky was bright blue, the oppressive heat was gone, and a fresh clean breeze was in the air. Even before they reached the table Remus' nose picked up on the scent of warm cherries and fresh waffles.

When the breakfast table came into their sight Remus saw that they weren't the first ones. Minerva already occupied a spot there, and Sirius sat on the other end of the table, reading the Daily Prophet while he was gobbling up waffle after waffle. But both soon noticed the newcomers.

"Albus, Remus! It's good to see you."

Upon seeing them Minerva almost jumped up from her chair and waved. She had returned from her vacation in Italy a few days ago, but her arrival at the castle had been perfectly timed with Albus leaving, and so they hadn't had the chance to meet yet. They greeted each other as if they had been apart for a decade at least. Kissing Albus three times on the cheek while he patted her shoulder Minerva smiled broadly. Sitting down Remus couldn't help but grin himself. He had learnt a long time ago that the usual stern Head of Gryffindor was actually rather affectionate, and she didn't bother to hide it during her days off.

"Minerva, my dear, welcome home. We missed you. Now, tell me, how was Rome? Are those old stones still where they are supposed to be? I haven't been there for at least thirty years."

Albus decided on a spot in the sunshine and sat down.

"Remus, you should have a waffle before Sirius devours them all. Rome was beautiful, Albus, so old and still vibrant. Of course we had such a heat wave, but we found a tiny gelateria in a little alley directly behind the Pantheon, and you see -"

These were the moments that Remus loved. The copious laid out table in front of him, holding delicacies from the garden and the creative kitchen, and behind that the glorious view on the castle. From their spot in the orchard he saw the slightly descending grounds, the lake being the lowest point of them, and then rising again the meadows leading up to the Forbidden Forest. All of this was bathing in the warm sunshine, the water of the lake glittering and the dark trees seemingly soaking up the rays. Above him the fruit trees of the orchard were whispering in the breeze, and the voices of his colleagues and friends were the most perfect background music to all of this. The warm and sweet scent of waffles and cherries mixed with that of coffee and tea was in his nose, and suddenly he knew that exactly this was how home was supposed to feel. But everything was fleeting, everything would be gone one day, presumably forever. He tried hard to memorize this scenario, exactly this moment, the second he was sitting there feeling warm and confident, and happy. He was home.

"Remus? Seriously, what happened to your brain? Coffee or tea? If you don't want a waffle I'll eat them up."

Sirius poked his shoulders, and Remus startled.

"Oh no, you won't."

Albus called the plate towards him with an outstretched hand. Two waffles ended up on his plate, and the remaining stack made its way back to Remus.

"Give Remus a chance, we can't have him starve."

The first waffle died underneath Albus knife.

"So, Santa Maria Maggiore, did you like the byzantine architectural elements - "

Remus grinned.

"See, some people now that sharing is caring."

Sirius shock his head and reached for the coffee pot.

"I don't care, I'm hungry. Can I have one more waffle?"

Breakfast went by quickly. The waffles were all gone and the coffee pot almost empty when the daily mail arrived. They heard the flapping wings of the owls a long time before they saw them. Albus' mail was always delivered straight to his office, so he got nothing and could take a moment to lean back and enjoy his cup of tea. Minerva received a broad collection of letters, Sirius as a letter from Ron, and Remus a postcard showing a rather old-looking bridge next to the glittering script saying "Rome".

"Oh, I never thought the mail would be that slow. This is Ponte Sant'Angelo, by the way."

But before Minerva could indulge them with a long discourse on the history of the roman bridge another bird landed on the back of one of the chairs. It was a majestic large hawk with strangely dark feathers and red eyes, an uncommon and rather uncongenial bird for delivering mail. It seemed to be looking for someone currently not at the table.

"May I?"

Very carefully Albus reached for the small role of parchment tied to the bird's foot. The hawk watched him disapprovingly, but didn't move. Albus turned the parchment and read the address.

"Ah, it's for Severus. I can forward it."

The hawk screeched, and Remus frowned. He didn't like the bird in the slightest. But Albus untied the roll and placed it on the table. Free from his burden the hawk shook its feathers, screeched once more, ignored the small treat Minerva held out and instead picked at her hand. Annoyed she drew it back, but the bird ignored her, and took off. Watching the disappearing messenger Minerva shock her head while rubbing her hand.

"Insolent bird."

Albus glanced at the parchment once more.

"Don't worry, my dear. The Malfoys never use friendly birds. It wouldn't suit Lucius' reputation."

And indeed the wax seal was dark green, with the two letters LM surrounded by ivy ranks. Sirius shock his head and mumbled an insult.

"Severus will be delighted. And here he comes."

Following Albus' gaze Remus spied a figure emerging from the Forbidden Forest and making way towards the orchard. A few minutes later it became clear that it was indeed Severus who had come out of the forest. Walking briskly he came up to the orchard, arriving only minutes later at the table.

"Good morning. Were you out looking for something in the forest?"

Albus cast a rather curious glance at the small leather bag dangling from Severus' shoulder.

"Obviously. Good morning."

Severus nodded once to greet everybody, and then sat down next to Minerva.

"Am I right in believing that you're informing Albus of the unchanged splendor of the eternal city?"

She smiled and, not without a bit of strenght, slapped his upper arm.

Listening to the repeated plethora of stories about old stones and pizza he took the cup of tea Albus gave him and absently minded sipped on it. He had probably heard all the stories before, and the one thing he wasn't very good at was hiding the moment when his mind wandered off. Remus took the chance to carefully examine his persona once more.

Now without a lab robe it was even more obvious that he had made concessions to the heat, wearing linen trousers and a wide cut white linen shirt. Only his boots were heavy and looked sturdy, apparently necessary for his forest excursion. But it was obvious that he was feeling the heat, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. Both of his wrists were covered now, the left one with the frayed piece of cloth, and right one with the bandage. His leather bag was carefully placed beneath the chair. He was listening attentively to Minerva's rambling, sometimes asking short questions that were half-italian and betrayed that apparently he had been in Rome before himself and had given Minerva plenty of insider-information on where to eat.

".. and that pasta place you recommended, shame on you, it was so good. I never knew you had such a good taste in restaurants. Tell me, how bad is it?"

Eying his wrist with a sad look she took a sip of juice. Severus needed a short moment to follow her train of thought.

"That? Well. Might take a few weeks, according to Poppy."

She carefully replaced her glass.

"Bone?"

He shock his head.

"Ligament rupture."

Shocked she threw a glance in Albus' direction, but all he could to was shrug slowly and shake his head. She didn't voice whatever was going through her head. But Sirius knew no such concerns.

"Did you fall off a tree?"

Severus hardly even tilted his head.

"Be happy it's not you, Black, dogs are usually shot when they break a leg. Watch your mouth."

With skilled calm Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but Albus cut into the exchange before it could become a proper war.

"Silence, both of you, old people need to eat in peace or they'll have stomach aches later on."

Trying not to grin broadly Remus saw how both opponents simultaneously rolled their eyes. Albus ignored both of them.

"Severus, eat. And here's a letter for you, delivered by a rather snappish hawk."

Taking the parchment Severus leant back and crossed his long legs.

"A snappish hawk? I thought my father was dead. Oh, Lucius, always a pleasure."

The acid dripping from his voice almost burnt a hole into the table-cloth. Breaking the seal he read the message, ignoring the curious glances from his neighbours. But soon everybody knew that nothing would happen further. Minerva and Albus picked their conversation up again and discussed the best place for pistachio ice-cream in Rome, and Sirius tried his best to ignore Severus and started to tell Remus something about Harry's last heroic deeds.

Remus only listened half-heartedly. The bigger part of him was watching Severus frown while reading the message, still sipping on his tea. Then he rather suddenly put the cup down, crumpled the parchment in his hands and got up. He waited a short moment until Albus looked up and took notice of his attempt to leave.

"I have things to attend to."

Albus nodded.

"Yes, I'll see you later. But promise me you won't vanish into your lab when the sun is this beautiful. You could need some sunshine, you know. And you can't work with that wrist anyway."

A short impression of anger rippled across Severus' face, but it was gone immediately.

"There is still enough work left."

He stood up, bend down again to pick up his leather bag, first using the injured hand and, cursing under his breath, his healthy left one. Slinging the bag over his shoulder he made movements to leave. But Minerva called him back.

"Wait a second, come here."

Uncertain what she wanted from him he stopped by her chair. She smiled up at him, and tapped her index finger twice on the thick bandage. Promptly it turned a dark grey, almost black hue. He couldn't help but smile and nod.

"Suits you better. White would look dirty and stained shortly, I know you."

He nodded once more and turned around.

"I guess it would've dawned on me soon, too. Thank you."

She waved him away.

"Please don't. You're a competent wizard, but please don't do transformation spells. You're really not good at those, you'd have turned the thing pink or into something furry and undead."

Severus' answer got lost in the laughter at the table, and he took the chance and hurried towards the castle.

As if someone suddenly had decided to make Remus' life as easy as possible Minerva decided to leave not long after Severus was gone. She promised Albus to drop off the lemon biscuits she had brought him back from Rome soon, and excused herself to finally go and unpack the remaining bags from her trip. Sirius followed her shortly, having promised Pomona Sprout to help her in the greenhouses that day.

Only Remus and Albus remained at the table, and the headmaster didn't seem to have anything to do at all. Refilling his teacup once more he cast a short glance at the front page of the Daily Prophet Sirius had left behind and then smiled at Remus.

"You wanted to talk to me, I think?"

Remus nearly choked on his tea. How did Albus know? Had it been written on Remus' forehead? Legilimency? Clearing his throat he nodded and put down his own teacup just to be sure.

"Yes, am I that obvious? Right. So, I've been thinking about the wolfsbane potion a lot recently, and done some minor reading. You know how dependent the security of the castle is onto the potion, and I wanted to know some more."

Trying to look as innocent as possible he quickly explained what had happened in the past days: how he had offered Severus his help and how the complete rejection had hurt him.

"And then, you see, I do not know how long I'll still be this close to Severus, and the thing that happened to his wrist now? No, I need to be more independent, and I feel that it is the perfect moment now. Severus might need some help, and in the summer we all have more time. He could train me as his assistant, maybe? And I gather that he has a rather large workload, maybe it would give him some more time to relax as well."

Placing the final piece of his trap with a broad smile Remus blinked twice, and leaned back. The ball was in Albus' court.

Not for long, though.

Smiling and patting Remus' hand Albus nodded.

"I absolutely understand your reasoning. And you are right in thinking that Severus could need some more time to relax, he's working far too hard and hardly ever takes a break. And this new injury is really rather unfortunate. I gather that you were talented when it comes to potions during your school days. Yes, I do like your idea. Let me see what I can do and speak with Severus. I'll try to catch him today."

And that was it. For a moment Remus felt dizzy with joy how easy it had been, and then suddenly suspected Albus' smile to have many more layers than he could currently anticipate. But Albus seemed innocent, chatted idly about this and that, and then left the table to take up his daily work again.

Could it really be that easy?

The same afternoon Remus sat at his usual spot by the lake, watching Sirius in the water. Pomona Sprout had asked him to take inventory of the current population of a very rate breed of marimo, tennis ball sized moss balls that lived in the shallower parts of the lake and were probably the cuddliest underwater plant Remus had ever seen. Sirius was diving down to count them, and every time he reappeared at the surface he shouted a number to Remus who kept a notebook and pencil and wrote it down.

"Forty-five!"

With a splash Sirius was gone again. Remus wrote the number underneath the long column in his notebook, and realized that he wasn't alone any longer when a shadow took away his light.

"Stand a little out of my sun, please. Thanks."

Finishing the number he looked up, expecting Pomona Sprout. Instead he stared straight into the not at all pleased face of Severus. He still wore the same ensemble from the morning, only now with an opened lab coat draped over his shoulders. In his left hand he carried a rather heavy book that he dropped into Remus' lap without warning.

"I do not know how you did it, but let me assure you that the only thing guaranteeing your physical integrity at this very moment is Albus Dumbledore. Consider yourself lucky. "

He was so angry he almost hissed. Remus very carefully kept his face neutral, although it was difficult not to smile.

"Tomorrow, at three in my personal lab. Read the first two chapters. I will not work with you if do not put effort in this, and I don't give a damn about what Albus says then."

Without any further comment he turned around and stalked away, every step a little earthquake. Remus was surprised he hadn't simply been hexed all the way to Brighton, but he also knew that Severus tended to obey Albus' wishes, even when they went against his own plans. Even when he so obviously didn't want to do something. At least he had made himself clear. Remus had almost felt the anger seething, like little invisible sparks flying through the air and burning his skin.

This was going to be very interesting.

Looking at the heavy volume in his lap for the first time he turned it around. The book was old and well used, a copy from the last decade judging by the design of the title. The writing on the faded and tainted green cover was in solid black letters: "Alchemy: Basic Principles. With Introductions to Herbology and Alchemical Arithmetic" by someone name Melchior Cibinensis.

Curious he opened it somewhere in the middle. The book had been well used, and there was a stain on almost every page. Sticky notes and slips of paper were everywhere, and sometimes Remus even managed to decipher the spidery and almost illegible handwriting. The first page was covered with stamps from a library. "Rahzes Library, St. Aurelius - College for Alchemy and Arithmetic, Oxford" it read, and then a stamp directly underneath "Surrendered to final user". He didn't need to look much further, but the small piece of paper pasted right underneath caught his eye. It showed something akin to an heraldic image, a tree with a single apple and a snake crawling up the trunk. Underneath gothic script read "Noli me tangere", and Remus wished he could read latin once more. The fine print "Snape" wasn't necessary for him to know that what he held in his hands was probably a book Severus had kept from his own days at university.

That was a lot of new information and developments in the span of very few minutes, and Remus was so lost in thought that he only heard Sirius yelling when the water he splashed into Remus' direction reached him.

"Remus? Thirteen, damn it, for the tenth time!"

Looking up Remus grinned, nodded and wrote the number down.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 7.9.2014


	4. Potatoes and Cigarettes

**Potatoes and Cigarettes**

The next afternoon Remus stood at precisely five minutes to three o'clock in front of the heavy wooden door behind which he knew Severus private laboratory to be. He had never been inside the rooms in the rather out-of-the way Serpens Tower. Of course he knew the students laboratories in the dungeons where the walls were heavy enough to withstand the occasional exploding cauldron and a permanent cool kept the room temperature bearable even with ten fires burning beneath the cauldrons, but Severus private laboratories were decidedly off limits. And currently probably less comfortable.

Serpens Tower didn't have the benefit of coolness the dungeons had. The summer heat had crawled into the tower easily, and it was just as hot there as in any other part of the castle. For a brief moment Remus wondered why the couldn't use the students laboratories, but on the other hand he would have felt like a thirteen-year-old student again, and he wasn't sure whether that would be an advantage.

But then he had done his homework. Only hours after Severus had thrown the book into his lap he had settled down at his desk, opened up a fresh notebook, and worked his way through the first two chapters as he had been ordered to do. It wasn't an easy or pleasant read, but at least Mr. Cibinensis had a knack for explaining things in a way that Remus understood them easily. He had read and taken notes until night fell, and continued the next morning without fail. Now his notebook was covered with remarks about safety procedures, basic information of cauldrons sizes, materials and tools, temperature recommendations and carefully drawn diagrams. He wasn't a master yet, but he had done his job well.

Now Severus had to do his.

But it wasn't three yet, and Remus waited patiently. In his mind he saw the bubbling cauldron over a carefully controlled flame, saw himself slowly but steadily mastering the art, the first werewolf ever to brew -

But his train of thoughts was brutally interrupted by the opening door.

"Why aren't you simply knocking?"

Severus leaned in the door frame, dressed as it seemed to be his habit during his time off in a tattered lab robe, underneath thin black linen trousers and the same sturdy boots. He didn't wait for an answer, shock his head disapprovingly, and moved back into the room.

Remus followed him suit.

He had never been in any kind of laboratory after his time in Hogwarts was over, and the students laboratories didn't quite make the cut for being proper ones. But the room now in front of Remus decidedly was a proper laboratory, although it didn't look the way Remus had imagined it.

It was mostly empty. There weren't the rows of stacked vials and bottles, cylinders and cauldrons he had expected. No dead animal in thick liquids was in sight, no cobwebs, no mysterious bookshelf. Instead it was a large room, with empty white walls and a single door leading into what probably was a storage room. Large windows gave way to a beautiful view over the grounds, sunlight brightening the room and providing natural light to work in.

There were two large work tables, both covered with various utensils used for potion making. A third one was pushed against as wall and served as a makeshift desk, holding a stack of notebooks in various degrees of use from almost new to badly damaged. The few books seemed to be in much better condition, and pencils were lying around indicating that someone had the habit of misplacing them frequently. There was a single large bookcase on the wall behind the makeshift-desk, filled half with labeled vials and half with books. Between the leather-bound magical books Remus spied a fair amount of books coming from Muggle publishers, and a rough glance revealed them to deal mostly with subjects like Chemistry and Pharmacy. He was surprised, but there was no time to think about that further.

Without extending a greeting or any kind of introduction Severus pointed towards one of the two working tables.

"Do not touch anything. This is your table, and I want you far away from everything else you see in this room. Almost everything here is volatile or toxic, and if you poison yourself I will not hear the end of it from Albus. Clear?"

Remus nodded, trying to smile. If everything in this room was highly volatile or toxic same could be said for its owner, who most of the time ticked both boxes easily.

"Good. Do you have a lab coat?"

A lab coat? He was a teacher, not a mad scientist.

"No, of course not."

Already visibly annoyed Severus sighed. Then he turned around, crossed the room and for a short moment vanished through the door. On his return he carried two vials that he deposited on his own work table while he passed it, and a new lab coat.

"Shorten it so it fits you, but do it later. Albus helpfully pointed out that you're expected to attend dinner tonight, so there isn't much time. Did you read the book?"

Trying to listen and nod at the same time Remus placed the lab coat on a chair he found near his own work table. If Severus owned actual new clean lab coats, why did he wear the old ratty one? But once more Remus didn't really have time to follow this trail of thought further.

"Yes, of course. It was very interesting, I took notes. Though I have to mention that your book is in an appalling condition, really. Two pages fell out, there's nothing I could do."

He suspected a temper tantrum, but Severus merely shrugged.

"Its done its duty, and loose pages can be fixed again. The copy is old, as you probably already realized. I couldn't give you the newer one, I still sometimes use it for reference."

With a few steps he moved towards the work table prepared for Remus, who followed and for the first time took inventory of what was on that table.

And it was a disappointing to see that there wasn't much. Where was his cauldron? Fire place? Spoons? All he saw was a wooden board for cutting, a rather impressive knife, an empty bowl and another one filled with yellow coloured tubers.

"As I said, this table is yours. I will need it again once this is finally over, so don't blow it up. Or anything here. When was the last time you had anything to do with potions?"

Remus placed himself behind the table, looked at the wooden board and tried to remember the exact date.

"School, I guess. Ah, no, I made a cough potion two years ago. Worked nicely, if you ask me."

For a short moment Severus looked tired, but he rearranged his face quickly and nodded curtly.

"So we have to start from the very beginning."

He took a position opposite of Remus, crossed his arms in front of his chest and needed only three sentences before his voice slipped with practiced ease into teaching-mode. Remus tried his best not to grin and listened carefully.

"Well. You know the very basics of potion making: What kind of ingredients you will need, where you can find them, when the best time for harvest is, when to add them into a cauldron, and how to stir. That's what you learn in school. But it's only the very bottom of everything. What school does not teach are the really important elements of Alchemy: how ingredients are cut, what moonphase is good for selecting herbs, how a potions smells during stages of the heating process, which cauldron material transports magic best, and most importantly how magic is added to the process and which dosage is needed. The last point is crucial, as the added magic makes or breaks the potions' potency."

He gestured to the bookcase behind his shoulders.

"Most of these things are written down somewhere, you can find them and learn them that way. That is the easy part. But something else is much more important, and that is the controlled addition of magic during the brewing process. In school you learn that a potion is potent because the ingredients are powerful. That isn't false, but it isn't true at the same time. Basic potions do indeed work that way, and school teaching never goes beyond that, so it does make sense to let students belive it. But potent potions need magic, and in that way they depend on the master making them just as much as on ingredients. Every potions retains a small amount of the magic from the person who made it, and by that you can trace a potion back to its master rather easily."

That was a lot of information in a short span of time, and somehow Remus felt as if he was supposed to take notes.

"You can trace a potion back to its maker? How does that work?"

Apparently that was a good question.

"There's a varying degree of smoke colour, for example. That would be the most obvious marker. Let me show you."

He turned around, walked over to his own work table and picked up the two vials he had brought in from the storage room earlier. On his way back he also took a small wooden frame with two clean test-tubes. Uncorking the vials he let a few drops of each potion drip into a fresh test-tube. Then he snapped his fingers, and the small green flame Remus already knew appeared above his thumb.

One after another he held both test tubes into the green flame, each for a few seconds only, and returned them into the small wooden frame. Seconds later thin smoke started to rise. And indeed the smoke differed: although from both tubes black smoke was rising one contained beautiful golden shimmer while the other was laced with dark green streaks.

Fascinated Remus stared, double checking the both vials indeed contained the same looking purple potion.

"Dreamless Sleep Potion, two times. As you can see both have been made by a different master. The golden smoke indicates that the potion is from Basilius Valentinus, the green smoke means that I made it."

As the potion cooled down the smoke died away.

"But the smoke itself was black, in both tubes. Is it always black?"

Severus shock his head and replaced the cork on the vials, collecting everything and returning the vials on his own work table. The test tubes went straight towards the sink.

"No. Only the smoke colour during the brewing process is inherent with the potion itself, later on it always indicates the maker. In this case both vials emit black smoke because Basilius Valentinus was my own master. Some tend to be far more creative. Hermes Trismegistos, for example, was a rather eccentric person and always had red smoke. One of his apprentices was a witch with a dry sense of humour, and her potions added blinking pink glitter into the red smoke, a rather ghastly yet unique combination."

While speaking Severus carefully disposed the few remaining drops of the potions, washed the test tubes vigorously and placed the on the sink to dry out. Then he returned to Remus.

"I will not waste time explaining fundamental principles of Alchemy to you. Read the book and ask questions as we proceed, there is no time for anything else. For whatever reason you have decided to brew wolfsbane, if you want to do it you need to be able to perform the actual task without errors. You will not receive the full recipe until later on, you wouldn't understand it now anyways. We have to start somewhere else."

Remus nodded. What Severus said made sense, of course, and it even seemed as if there was a plan Remus couldn't yet fully see.

"I'm fine with that. Where do we start?"

He felt the equivalent feeling of rolling up one's sleeves, just that he was wearing a faded T-shirt sporting the emblem of a Muggle Airline on the chest, an old freebie he had felt was perfect for the possibly stain-inducing task of brewing.

Severus seemed surprised at the sudden outburst of positivity.

"One always starts at the beginning."

He pointed to the wooden cutting board in front of them.

"This is a cutting board, rather obviously, made from ash wood. Ash is a fine wood, reacting to almost nothing, and thus is perfectly suited for a potion as sensitive as wolfsbane. The basic rules, learn them: no silver, no sugar, no blood, no essential oils. Did you understand that?"

As if Remus would ever handle a silver knife, really. But he nodded duly.

"Good. Wash your hands."

Swallowing whatever retort was on his tongue Remus obeyed. Back at the working table Severus pointed towards the rather impressive knife.

"One knife will do for today. Be careful, it is in a good condition and sharp. Use the lower part to peel, the full blade to cut."

Remus took the knife. It was heavy and well-balanced in his hand, obviously well-used and cared for. He pointed towards the bowl with the collection of tubers.

"And these are?"

Now Severus didn't even attempt to hide his grin.

"Aconitum tubers. One of the basic ingredients for wolfsbane, rather rare and difficult to find. Look them up tonight and memorize the information."

Listening carefully Remus eyed the tubers and decided to take one. To his surprise Severus didn't object, but instead gestured at the bowl for Remus to continue whatever he had planned. Picking up a medium-sized tuber Remus carefully weighted it in his hands. It felt very familiar in texture, weight and smell. Pausing he brought it closer to his face and sniffed. Then he grimaced.

"That's a potato, you git."

For a second he thought Severus would break out into full laughter. But in the very last minute he controlled himself and allowed only a broad, rather mischievous grin to appear on his face.

"Of course it is. Aconitum tubers are a pain in the ass to find, I spent the past two nights in the Forbidden Forest digging them up. And all that to let you muck them up with your untrained knife work? No. Potatoes have very similar properties, and you will use them as practice tool. Every hour one of the houseelves will come by and pick them up. I do belive there will be fried potatoes for dinner."

It was obvious that Severus really enjoyed this a bit too much. For a short second Remus wondered whether he would get the first word of a hex out, but chances were high that he'd be dead before he could even draw his wand. Biting his tongue he shock his head.

"You have a strange kind of humor, really."

Severus, still grinning, only crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"General opinion says I don't have any. And now work."

Growling something rather unpleasant Remus took the first potato, weighed the knife again and as precisely as possible started to peel it. The last time someone had watched him peel a potato like a hawk had been when he was about five years old and learned how to handle a rather blunt little knife, and it had been his mother worrying for his fingers. Severus seemed to worry about something entirely different.

"Actually not even bad. Next time make sure you're more careful and don't lose to much flesh. Cutting techniques for Aconitum are easy, but I have to demonstrate you how it works."

Without commentary Remus handed knife and tuber over to Severus and moved to the side. With trained movements the potato was placed on the cutting board and Severus explained what he did while doing it.

"You keep the tuber to the cutting board with the right hand, balancing the knife with the left. One longitudinal cut" - the tuber fell apart - "and then cutting small slices off the two parts. You want them to be as thin as possible, as the tuber is supposed to dissolve later on in the potion."

With precise and fluid cuts the tuber fell apart. Remus watched carefully, registering the method, but also how Severus had obvious troubles with his left wrist. But neither of them mentioned it. The first tuber went into the prepared bowl, and Remus took the knife back.

"Well, that wasn't perfect, but you'll have a general idea. Knifes are traditionally handled with the left hand, by the way, but you can use your right. It's not like you will ever take an examination by the guild or anything."

Remus changed the knife from his right to his left hand.

"I'm right handed, but I want to learn the proper way."

He wasn't sure, but it seemed as if there was a hint of appreciation in Severus' raised eyebrow. Quickly Remus peeled the next tuber. Placing it down on the cutting board he made the longitudinal cut, and the tried to chop the slices as thin as Severus had done. It didn't quite work out, though. And he was much slower.

"Wait. First, don't hurry. Cutting techniques take a long time to learn, it is about muscle memory. Cut slow, but don't use brute force. This knife is very sharp, you don't need strength from the wrist. It might also injure your hand. Use a rocking movement."

Remus tried again, but he didn't quite understand what Severus meant. He heard Severus sigh, and looked up.

"I thought it wouldn't work just by explaining, it hardly ever does. Let me explain it to you once more." He took two steps closer, and was suddenly very much in Remus' private space. Remus didn't move, needing a few seconds to understand what was happening.

"Listen. Alchemy is a rather physical science. Specific motions have to be felt to be understood correctly, muscle memory doesn't build itself from watching someone doing it. Can you cope with things like that?"

While Remus' brain was still computing what Severus really meant his head already nodded, and Severus, seemingly giving in to his fate, sighed again.

"Fine. Be still a second."

And without further ceremony he took a step directly behind Remus, placing both hands on Remus' hands holding knife and tuber, and like that being able to carefully guide him showed the cutting technique once more.

That might have been a good method for teaching specific movements, but Remus' mind was certainly somewhere different. Although Severus was hardly touching him the physical closeness was slightly overwhelming. Remus' nose easily picked up on the scent of wood and Earl Gray again, and his memory added opium, smoke and that velvet in Severus' voice. It didn't help that he could hear Severus' now very matter-of-fact voice far too close to his ear, and feel bony shoulders next to his own. Severus had the perfect height for that particular way of guiding movement, tall enough so he could easily look at the cutting board over Remus.

"Hold the tuber like this, and rock the knife back and forward without strength. There, this is how it works. Can you remember that?"

Remus nodded, praying to whatever saint was the right one in his current situation that his ears wouldn't turn warm. Or that Severus would notice something else. Carefully controlling his breathing he tried to fix mind and gaze on the tuber and ignore the fact that Severus had awfully long fingers, and that the wrapped perfectly around his own. Even with the scratching bandage on the right hand and ignoring the fact that his skin was strangely cold.

The tuber fell apart and Remus tried to smile.

Then Severus was gone and moved quickly around the table again so they were facing each other once more over the cutting board. Automatically Remus reached for the next tuber. He started to peel it again, somehow still feeling the touch of Severus' hands on his own. This was far more confusing than it was supposed to be. Severus saw his face, but to Remus' luck he interpreted it in a quite different way.

"I can reassure you that I'm not particular fond of physical closeness either. But the traditional teaching of Alchemy has always depended heavily on it, and I would venture the guess that it cannot be taught any other way. Because of this it is difficult to teach it in official institutions beyond a certain level. A traditional apprenticeship between a master and an apprentice heavily is based on trust and a certain sense of intimacy. Physical proximity is a part of it and can hardly be avoided. I understand that you are not pleased, but right now I don't see a way around it. And you can trust me when I say that I've been looking for one."

His whole body language made that crystal clear. Remus needed a moment to find the best answer. For a second he contemplated telling Severus that he absolutely didn't mind physical interaction, although he'd prefer other places then a lab for that. Instead he just tried to smile reassuringly.

"No, I don't mind. I just wasn't aware of it. Sorry. It's fine with me."

Severus wasn't completely convinced, but he just shrugged.

"If you say so. Then get to work. There are many potatoes in that bowl."

With that he turned around and wandered over to his makeshift desk where he sat down and pulled some books towards him. Completely ignoring Remus he picked up a pencil, and focused on a text. Watching him for a short moment Remus realized that he was left-handed - the pencil was dangerously balanced between his index and middle finger of the left hand.

Then he forced his concentration back on the bowl with potatoes.

Cutting and peeling, cutting and peeling - he soon found a routine. Working slowly at first he quickly realized how he had to handle the knife and tuber best, and his work gained speed. But the mountain of potatoes in the first bowl didn't shrink, and the other bowl didn't seem to get any fuller. The silence in the room helped him sinking deep into concentration. The only noises was the chopping sound of the knife on the wood, the soft fall of the peel and sometimes the sound of pages being turned or Severus' pencil scratching on paper.

Both men were deeply lost in their concentration and startled when a houseelf appeared in the lab with a soft "plopp". Severus' pencil dropped to the ground and rolled underneath the table.

The little creature took the bowl and looked at its content.

"Very good, Professor Lupin, very good potatoes!"

The creature's enthusiasm was real, but then it was gone as quickly as it has appeared.

"Very good!"

Remus enjoyed the praise, even if it came from a houseelf who cared for kitchen-style cut potatoes and not for potion-ready tubers. Severus looked up from his quest for his pencil.

"Take care that you keep your back straight while working. Shoulders down, otherwise you'll suffer severe back pain tonight."

Finally seeing his pencil he got up to pick it up from the ground. It was the first time Remus had seen him actually crouching down to collect something from the ground. The next tuber already in hand he couldn't help but comment.

"No magic?"

Straightening himself upright again with his pencil Severus shock his head.

"No unnecessary magic in the lab. Magical concentrations need to be kept low to ensure that every potion is only subjected to a precisely measured amount of it. Wolfsbane in particular. Thought you wouldn't need to learn that particular rule, granted you don't use wandless magic."

For a second Remus wondered if that was an insult, but Severus only returned to his desk and settled down to concentrate on his work again. Deciding to stay silent Remus did the same.

Time went by quickly. Remus fell back into his meditative state of mind quickly, letting his hands do the work while his mind was free to idle. He didn't know where the time had gone, but suddenly the sun was low and the enthusiastic houseelf had been back to collect the full bowl of cut potatoes three times. And then the bowl was empty and all the potatoes gone.

Remus felt his hands ache, realizing how tired his wrists really were and put the knife down. For the first time in about an hour he looked up from the wooden board.

Severus hadn't noticed anything. He was submerged in a stream of thought Remus couldn't even guess, eyes fixed to a page in his notebook. His face wore the same expression it had shown down in the dungeons when Remus had watched him calculate. The pencil still in his left hand he had put the fingertips of his right index finger to his lips. The cloud of concentration around him was almost tangible. Until Remus coughed, that was.

Startling Severus dropped the pencil again. This time it only fell onto the table, and he looked up.

"You are done?"

Remus nodded and showed the empty bowl. Severus pulled a small silver pocket watch from wherever he had kept it. Checking the time and snapping it shut again he nodded.

"In time for dinner. I think the potatoes might be already fried."

Against his will Remus smiled.

"I'll leave then?"

Severus snorted and stood up.

"You won't. Who works has to clean, golden rule. And no magic, if you remember."

He was supposed to do what? Washing up? But there were spells for that, very efficient ones, and -

But Severus facial expression told Remus that he wouldn't be using any spell anytime soon. At least not in that lab. Giving in to his fate Remus carried the knife and cutting board to the sink. Severus in the meantime picked up a large brown glass bottle from the shelf.

"Use that instead of water."

The liquid was clear, softer then water, and felt strange. Carefully Remus sniffed his wet fingertips, a habit Sirius found disgusting but Severus strangely seemed to agree with.

"What is that? It doesn't smell like anything."

Severus nodded. "Because it has no smell. It's called Nihilio, a completely neutral liquid. Doesn't leave any traces, but cleans everything from equipment - fibers, particles, everything. A potion is easily spoiled by remains from other works, and Nihilio helps to prevent that. Even if we used spells in the lab it wouldn't work that well. Remember, Alchemy is a manual craft. Has always been, will always be."

Finally everything was clean, dry and stored where it belonged. For a short moment Remus still lingered, but then he picked the new lab coat up and walked over to the door. Severus had settled down at his desk once more.

"I'll see you at dinner, then?"

Looking up again Severus twirled the pencil between his fingertips.

"Probably not. Tomorrow, same time."

And Remus was dismissed.

Not an hour later he joined the other residing inhabitants of the castle at the table in the orchard. Hogwart's population seemed to shrink every day. It was the height of summer and most members of faculty were gone for vacation now. Only Minerva McGonagall, Pomona Sprout, Poppy Pomfrey and of course Albus Dumbledore remained. Sirius was gone to sniff out Privet Drive, quite literally, and Hagrid was looking for dragons somewhere in Norway. He had invited Remus to come along, but had quickly accepted Remus' polite refusal. The table seemed strangely big for so small a party, even more so since Severus' chair remained empty and Pomona was still in the greenhouses, though she had promised to join them later on.

So it was Remus who retold the story of his first potions lesson in years, and coaxing laughter from his listeners described how difficult it was to cut potatoes just right. Albus in particular seemed to enjoy hearing all about Severus' teaching methods.

"Yes, he's right. To you it might seem strange, but a good potions master needs to know the basic principles by heart. And cutting techniques are so important! These days they are often neglected. But Severus had a good master in Basilius, he still learned them the old-fashioned proper way."

Poppy looked up from her salad.

"Basilius? Basilius Valentinus? Really?"

Albus nodded and Poppy was visibly impressed.

"I never knew Valentinus taught our Severus. That explains a lot, of course."

Remus and Minerva exchanged a glance and shrugged simultaneously. Albus explained willingly.

"Basilius Valentinus was one of the "Wise Five", a group of five incredibly old potions masters, legendary even while they were alive. Nicholas Famel was one of them. But while Nicholas was loved wide and far Basilius was, well, brilliant and very difficult. He hated taking apprentices, and tortured every single one he took on. Rumour had it he had only four in his whole life, Severus being the last one. He claimed to only ever take an apprentice in when they could match his intellect, quite a feat if you ask me."

Poppy nodded fiercely.

"He was specialized on healing potions and invented many of them. I read many of his works while training at St. Mungo's. How did Severus get him to take him on? And wasn't he far too young?"

Albus didn't try to hide his grin.

"Oh yes, he was very young. Rumour has it that they dueled, and Severus won. Nobody knows for sure, though. They were the perfect pair, precise, highly skilled, and with quite a temper. They had the most impressive shouting matches, even in public, throwing obscenities at each other in four languages simultaneously. Basilius loved to cuss his apprentices out in an old byzantine dialect, but Severus has the dirtiest latin I've heard, it was quite entertaining. They were always good for a scene. But when they actually worked together it was delightful to see and their provided many spectacular results. When Basilius was killed Severus was devastated."

Minerva put down her wine glass.

"He was killed? How did that happen?"

The smile from Albus' face vanished.

"Well. It's not really official knowledge, you see. I guess I'm not supposed to tell you. But, well. Basilius was one of Tom Riddle's first victims. Nobody knows why, there were no traces left. They blew up his whole house, all that was left was a gleaming skull in the night sky. Happened only weeks after Severus had taken the master examination and moved out, most curious thing."

The relaxed atmosphere seemed to tense up. Pensively Poppy sipped on her wine.

"Did they interrogate him?"

Albus sighed.

"What do you think? Of course. Severus was the prime suspect, but he had good alibis, me being one of them. They declared him innocent soon. He doesn't speak of it. But he took it hard. I remember seeing Severus at his own father's funeral and he didn't bat an eye. But when Tom Riddle came for Basilius - I guess he never forgave Tom for that. But that's the past, and let's not dwell on these things. Remus, I hope you'll provide us with more wonderful dinner ingredients soon!"

Everybody smiled, and raising they wine glasses they toasted to that. The dark cloud of the past vanished as quickly as it had come.

Their happy conversation soon resumed, and enjoying the dinner and wine time went by quickly. The sun was already gone, and it was almost completely dark when Pomona Sprout appeared at the table. The large candles created a sphere of light around them, flickering in the dark.

Pomona was greeted enthusiastically, pulled her chair out and reached for the salad bowl while Minerva filled her wine glass with deep red burgundy.

"Forgive me for being late, I have so much work. Everything seems to grow so quickly in summer, it's insane. And then it's suddenly brown and dead, one has to watch the greenhouses like a hawk."

Chatting she picked up her fork and started to eat.

"By the way, do we know who's leaving the cigarette buds lying around by the Great Portal?"

She stopped, chewing on a carrot and threw a glance around the table.

"Well, I was just wondering. Does anyone here smoke?"

Remus had a faint idea, remembering a cigarette glowing in the dark, balanced between pale long fingers. Minerva shrugged. "Sirius Black does, right? But he hasn't been around the past days."

Albus shock his head disapprovingly.

"I don't think anyone here - well, maybe - Remus, do you have any idea?"

Surprised Remus shock his head and swallowed the olive he had chewed.

"No. I certainly don't smoke. And I haven't seen Sirius with a cigarette in ages."

To buy himself time he picked his own glass up, sipping on the velvety wine.

"I never meant to imply that it was you, Remus. It rather seems that Severus has picked up one of his bad habits again."

He wrinkled his nose, visibly not enjoying the idea.

"Severus is a smoker? Seriously?"

Minerva was surprised, shaking her head.

"And have you heard, they say he's a Death Eater."

The comment came as a soft whisper out of the darkness surrounding the table, smooth silk sliding down Remus' senses, tempting and dangerous. Then Severus appeared in the candlelight, standing directly behind Albus' chair. Nonchalantly he leaned down on Albus shoulders with his elbows, his wrists and long hands dangling leisurely, the right wrist covered with the already worn bandage, between the fingers of his left hands a fresh cigarette. Directly above his wrist, black lines burnt into pale skin - the Dark Mark, ugly and very visible.

"Dramatic entrances have always been your thing, haven't they?"

Albus didn't seem surprised at all, and the sudden proximity to his personal spy didn't bother him. With a rather fatherly disapproving facial expression he took the cigarette from Severus' long fingers and it vanished in his hands.

"Old habits die hard."

Albus shock his head slightly, and it seemed to Remus as if he was examining the Dark Mark on Severus' wrist. Then he carefully took both of Severus' hands and pushed him away. For a short second Remus thought he had seen Albus' thumb pressing against the dark lines in Severus' skin and how the spy flinched at the touch. But he could be wrong, it could have been the candlelight. The flickering of the burning candles was unsteady, treacherous. Like life.

Sliding into his chair Severus called the wine bottle to him and poured himself a glass of wine. Leaning back he concentrated on the fully bodied wine for a second.

"How do we come to enjoy the pleasure of your company? I see you do have plans?"

Minerva's question focused the whole table's attention on Severus even more. But he didn't seem to mind, simply continuing to sip his wine. It gave them all enough time to stare him down. He had changed since Remus had seen him last in the lab, and it was hard to miss that he wore muggleclothing. Dark denim and a black shirt, made out of what seemed to be very fine lightweight cotton, black, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and two buttons opened casually. And if there was one thing that could distract Remus from his thoughts it was a well-fitting pair of jeans on good legs. Damn.

"Indeed, I'll be gone in a few minutes."

Albus took the chance.

"So while you're gracing us with your presence - why did you start smoking again?"

Severus rolled his eyes and leaned back even further in his chair, with a pose equivalent to an annoyed slouching teenager. Remus tried not to stare. Or grin.

"And you need to know that why?"

Albus clicked his tongue.

"You know exactly why. Basilius would smack some sense into you. A master doesn't smoke."

Grinning into his wine glass Severus shock his head.

"He wouldn't smack sense into me, as you put it, he would kill me. Lucky for me he resides in his private part of hell, and he'll have to wait with that until I can join him there. Anything else?"

But Albus wasn't done.

"Don't be smart, you know what I mean. You know exactly what cigarettes do to your sense of smell, and you also know - but why am I telling you that, you should know better."

Now it was obvious that Severus didn't approve of Albus' intervention into his private matters. Frowning he put down his almost empty wine glass. The remaining occupants of the table watched the exchange, and Remus was fascinated by the sudden dynamic he had never been aware of before.

"I do know that, thank you for the reminder. Lucky for me I have to leave now. I'll see you tomorrow. Apologies for interrupting your dinner conversation."

With that rather recalcitrant remark Severus got up, pushed his chair back, nodded at nobody in particular and left the table. Within seconds he was out of the space lit by the candlelight, and vanished in the darkness. Albus tried visibly not to yell, but his voice was stern and carried far nevertheless.

"Where are you going?"

A few steps beyond the table a tiny green flame flickered, and seconds later the red dot of a cigarette glowed in the dark, disappearing into the distance quickly.

"Off to drink, smoke, pillage and plunder!"

Severus sounded as if he was inches away from a temper tantrum, but then the red dot vanished in the distance and he was gone.

Albus wasn't amused, but Minerva smiled and patted his hand.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but he's actually an adult and can do whatever he wants."

Sighing Albus reassembled his features into his eternal smile.

"Yes, I do know. But I guess I will never not worry about Severus. You see, it comes natural."

Still smiling Minerva nodded.

"I know, Albus, I know. We all worry. It's our job, I think."

The conversation quickly returned to its former ease, but Remus listened only with half an ear. He hadn't been aware of the strange dynamic between Albus and Severus, who never spoke in public or interacted in any other way during the term. Everybody knew that Albus trusted his spy, and the same was true the other way around. But even during order meetings they kept their distance. It was strange to suddenly see that they seemed to share a connection that enabled them to banter and bicker with practiced ease and just the right amount of annoyance any good relationship needed. And Remus liked it. It added another layer to the new image of the man he had thought he had known so well, but in fact knew absolutely nothing about.

Picking up his wine glass and handing it over to Poppy for a refill he smiled. His shoulders were a bit sore and his wrists reminded him of all the chopping he had done that day, but all together he was quite impressed with todays' developments. Things were going to be exciting, that was for sure. Especially if Severus would wear that particular pair of jeans again.

Raising his glass Remus clinked it against Poppy's, and smiled.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 10/9/2014


	5. Lately I've been losing sleep

**Lately I've been losing sleep**

Remus dreams went far beyond their usual slightly insane spectrum these nights. He blamed the heat and the wine for it, turning his mind upside-down and connecting things that weren't supposed to go together.

In his dreams he wandered through spaces he had inhabited years, even decades ago. Scenes from his current life and from his past days melted together effortlessly. His parents house sitting in a seedy London area, his school robes suddenly being covered in green slime, black smoke rising from a chimney with sparkling green particle inside. Then he suddenly was in a shady muggle club in London he had frequented a long time ago as a reluctant regular, coming to drink, dance, forget and sometimes get a quick blowjob in the men's room or take a not-very-ladilike lady home. He wasn't proud of it, but what could he do? He was young and broke, poor, and the wolf was hungry.

Weaving his way through the crowds he marveled how everything still looked the same. Music from the last decade was blasting through the speakers, and as Remus made his way to the bar here and there a hand touched him, measuring him up - a hand with painted red nails on his shoulders, a rough hand giving his bum a solid smack. He needed alcohol, for sure, and then it could be a fine night. Sweat was already pooling on his forehead.

He made it to the bar in one piece, finding a small free spot and wrenching himself in. His drink, with not enough vodka for his taste, arrived quickly. Leaning back against the bar he scanned the room, searching for an opening, a song, an opportunity. Then he looked to his right, and suddenly there was more space and a bar stool, and perched on top of it was Severus. Much younger than now but older then he had been during their school days, with less lines on his face and long open black hair all the way down to his shoulders. He wore the insanely tight jeans their generation had wanted, and a black t-shirt ripped at the collar, revealing just enough pale skin and collarbone to make Remus nervous. He balanced a glass in one hand and a cigarette in the other, looking for all the world as if he belonged there.

"What are you doing here?"

Even in his dream Remus was surprised. Severus smiled, dangerously, and sucked on his cigarette. His voices melted effortlessly into the music. It sounded younger, but there was still that edge, the slight amusement telling the world that nothing could touch him.

"Why are you always asking stupid questions? Just use your bloody eyes."

And Remus did. He couldn't help but follow the cigarette from his lips down, dangling between the fingers as if it was glued to the skin and would never fall down. Remus hadn't arrived back at Severus' face when he realized that his left wrist was empty. Pale skin, stretched over too visible blue veins, but no Dark Mark. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't. Severus exhaled the smoke and smiled, that slightly crooked smile he had worn back in the opium den, doing what he called his business. Which, essentially, entailed behaving like a cheap whore.

Then he raised his glass to his lips and Remus realized that while the left wrist had been free of any signs of Voldemort his right one was covered in dark red liquid. With every inch that Severus was raising the glass the dark red ran down faster, soon dripping from his wrist, red streaks running down to his elbow, vanishing in the dark beyond their bar stools. Remus felt his head spin.

Sipping his drink Severus put the glass down again, casually leaving it dangling in the air. But Remus couldn't take his eyes of his wrist, suddenly seeing everything, the slashed skin, cut veins, blood running from them with the pulse of a slowly dying heartbeat. He felt panic rising in him, trying to say something, anything, but he couldn't.

Then suddenly a pale hand appeared from behind Severus, belonging to someone but not belonging, leaving Remus utterly clueless. It settled down on Severus shoulder, as if it belonged here, claiming ground. Mine, it said. A thumb caressing pale flesh, deep set collarbone, up a too exposed throat. Severus let his head drop back, slightly, regarding Remus through half-closed eyes, thick eyelashes over pale skin. And all the time the blood was running, falling down, vanishing in the dark.

Remus opened his mouth, but Severus silenced him, rising his bloodied right hand.

"It's fine. It's only death."

Shaking his head Remus disagreed, but suddenly the music was so loud in his ears and he couldn't make himself heard, couldn't say anything, couldn't reach Severus. All he saw was red blood on pale skin, the hand caressing cheekbones, and then he fell.

He awoke with a start, covered in sweat, staring into the darkness of his bedroom.

What a strange dream. Nothing really made sense. But apparently even in his dreams he tried to explain things, somehow, or understand them. With booze. In a club. Well. Maybe he should go out more often, after all.

He turned around in his sheets, punching his pillow to fit his head, detangled his sheets, but nothing worked. He was awake, and far too agitated to fall asleep again. A whispered "Lumos" brought light, and he considered reading for a while. His current book selection was disappointing at this time of the night: one of Sirius' beloved crime novels, a treatise on Shakespeares' social relationships, short stories by Hemingway, some more historical novels. Nothing appealed to him.

Then he decided to work, because work was good and helpful and kept one's brain in line. The Alchemy book from his desk came floating through his bedroom door easily. It was heavy and sturdy in his hands, and the numbers and diagrams inside provided his mind with something solid and undebatable to cling to. It also proved that Severus hadn't cut his wrists open, at least not yet. There was no blood on the book, just lots of spilled potions and ink blotches. He fell asleep with the pages on Scottish forest environments and their impact on herbal cultivation open.

When he woke up again the sun was high in the sky. He needed a longer shower than usually to chase away the hollow feeling in his gut, and a brisk walk around the castle towards the orchard to fully return to his reality. Still Remus couldn't shake of the suspicion that he'd need more hours of sleep the next night.

The breakfast table was empty, but considering the time Remus wasn't surprised. He poured himself tea, and opened the Alchemy book he had carried all the way down to the garden. When he looked up from his second bowl of fruit salad he saw Albus crossing into the orchard.

"Good morning. It's hard to sleep well in this heat, isn't it? I had the weirdest dreams last night, you wouldn't belive them." As always smiling Albus pulled out a chair and set down directly opposite of Remus. He only nodded, not really wanting to know what someone who had lived as long as Albus might dream of. Instead he poured Albus a cup of tea and pushed the sugar pot into his general direction. Spooning more sugar into his cup then Remus' mother would have thought appropriate Albus continued.

"What a pity Sybil isn't here. We could've told her our dreams and she would tell us what they meant. Wouldn't that be useful?"

Remus couldn't shake the suspicion off that he knew exactly what his dreams meant, but somehow didn't really want to consider it further. And he certainly hoped that Albus wouldn't inquire further into that matter. But the headmaster had spotted the rather large Alchemy book and already examined the opened page.

"Herbology? You should take a walk through the Forest, most of these herbs grow here in perfect condition." Curious Remus concentrated on the book, and the next minutes were spent with a general introduction into the biological ecosphere the Forbidden Forest housed and the plants Remus would find there.

When they had agreed on more than twenty different herbs growing close to the castle Remus was done with his breakfast and Albus emptied his cup.

"So I will take a walk and see if I can find any. It must be useful for Severus to have that many ingredients at his fingertips."

Putting his cup back on the saucer Albus nodded.

"Yes, it's very useful. The forest is a fascinating place, it's not all dangerous creatures of course. There are many beautiful spots. You should ask Severus to give you a tour, he knows it very well from his various expeditions. And he's not afraid of the big spiders, which I personally find rather reassuring."

Remus himself wasn't particularly fond of the giant crawling spiders as well, but he wasn't scared of them. Though he'd need to think a minute before he could find the perfect repelling spell. Getting up Albus interrupted his train of thought.

"If you excuse me, I do need to have a look at today's mail. I think I just heard the owls arriving. Enjoy your walk through the forest. Somehow I feel like I need to take a day off soon."

Remus closed the book and nodded.

"You're working too hard. Do you know the time? I think it's rather late and I don't want to miss my appointment with Severus tonight."

Pulling a small delicate pocket watch out of the pocket of his robes Albus threw a glance at it.

"Five minutes past eleven already. But I am not sure whether your appointment will take place today. As far as I'm informed Severus hasn't yet returned."

Surprised Remus looked up. "He's still gone?"

Albus' smile seemed to shrink a little.

"Yes, but don't worry. I'm sure he will be back in time. Severus always comes back home. Sometimes it just takes a while."

With that he nodded once more towards Remus and left the orchard. Remus remained at the table a while longer, turning pages in the alchemy book, but not really reading them. Instead he looked at the pictures and drawings of herbs. Finally he picked himself up and decided to really take the walk through the woods Albus had recommended.

With a quick spell the Alchemy book shrank into a far more portable size, and looking around he gathered a few of the table napkins. A small spell, some wand-waving, and the napkins transformed into a useful leather pouch he could place over his shoulders. Perfect for collecting herbs and carrying the book with him. Pocketing his wand again he couldn't help but smile. He always had been good with transformation spells, and it felt good to know that he could still do it without effort. Working with Severus made one forget one's own qualities sometimes.

The newly transformed pouch over his shoulders he made his way over to the forest. It was already a hot day and the sunlight was bright and heated his skin up quickly. Reaching the outskirts of the forest he couldn't help but sigh in relief. Stepping into it's cool shadow was pleasant, and the cool breeze rustling among the trees felt welcoming. The scent of wood in the heat, the liquid pitch running from the bark and the various plants growing in the underwood were a sensatory delight. Inhaling deeply he tried to pick apart the various smells.

Deeper and deeper he strolled into the forest, looking for plants and herbs as he went. Soon he found the first more common plants: herba ferrum and young salvia elegans, with its leaves smelling of pineapple. He picked them carefully and placed them in his pouch, sometimes verifying that he had indeed the right plant for his purpose.

The longer he walked the darker the forest was. Large trees grew high into the sky, their crowns touching and creating a solid roof above Remus' head. Even the strong sun rays of the summer day didn't make it through that natural barrier. But suddenly he stepped out of the forest's dim light into the brightness of a clearing. It was a beautiful space, almost perfectly round, with only one single tree standing in the middle, a small basswood tree not even four meters high.

The clearing felt strangely familiar, and looking around Remus realized that it was the one where he had disapparated to London with Severus not even two weeks ago. They had taken a different way through the forest then. He must have crossed the magical border protecting Hogwarts, that invisible shield woven around the school, preventing anyone from apparating into or out of the area. It was calm.

Then he suddenly smelled verbena. There was no way mistaking the fresh and green smell, a hint of lemon and something bittersweet. Looking around he found the bush quickly. It grew right next to the opening where Remus had entered the clearing, now in summertime covered in little white blossoms. Walking over Remus inhaled the smell. Carefully he tried to break a few small branches loose, but the wood was sturdy and he needed some force.

Just when he was done and held a good bushel of branches complete with leaves and white blossoms in his hand he felt a sudden change in atmosphere on the clearing. Not two seconds later he heard an almost inaudible "plop" sound, and Severus stood next to the basswood tree.

He was just as surprised as Remus, and for a second they simply stared at each other. Remus was the first one to break the silence.

"Good morning, I guess."

Visibly confused Severus blinked.

"What are you doing here?"

His voice was rough, coarse around the edges, and very tired. He didn't look as if he had slept at all the past night, of if he had slept it hadn't been in a comfortable space. And he was hurt, a bloody scratch running down from his cheekbones to his jawbones, a straight line down the right side of his face. And something else was different, something Remus couldn't quite understand. He knew he wouldn't get an answer to where the scratch came from. But he could try with something else.

"Herbology for beginners. Have you been home last night and then went out again?"

For a brief moment Severus looked utterly confused, a rare view that Remus found quite entertaining.

"No, why?"

Pointing at Severus' appearance with the verbena branches he held Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Because I don't remember you wearing that when you left last night."

There was the shortest hint of embarrassment in Severus' face, but it was gone immediately.

"None of your business. I'll see you later."

With that he turned on his heel, but Remus moved in quickly and walked by his side.

"I'll come with you, I'm on my way back in any case."

His face set, lips a thin tight line Severus couldn't do anything but shrug. Walking side by side through the woods in silence Remus had another chance to observe him once more.

If the shirt hadn't been that flashy he might not even have noticed it. But he distinctly recalled the understated yet expensive elegance of the black cotton Severus had worn last night, and it had absolutely nothing in common with the dark green silk he wore now. It was obvious that it wasn't his shirt. To whomever it belonged had distinctively broader shoulders, and the shirt didn't drape exactly right over Severus' thin frame.

But the cut wasn't the most obvious thing. Remus didn't really know where he could start to stare. Was it the very shiny silk fabric? The dramatic band collar, resembling some strange asian fashion? Or the buttons, silver in colour, that were actually tiny snakes curled up, and, if Remus saw that correctly, sometimes moving? It was simply all too much to be elegant any longer, although the fabric alone must have cost half a fortune.

He desperately wanted to know, but he couldn't ask. And if he read Severus' body language right it would be smart to keep his mouth shut if he wanted to live through the day. But granting himself another indiscretion he most carefully and discreetly as possible sniffed. The scents of the woods almost overrode anything and Severus carefully kept his distance from Remus, but the path wasn't exactly big and they had walk close to each other sometimes to avoid getting tangled in the underwood.

Remus' nose picked up on smoke, lots of it, and quite a bit of alcohol. Whiskey, probably. Some dried sweat. And most prominently a horrific scent of artificial amber, lavender and musk, probably coming from the shirt. Remus couldn't help but wrinkle his nose. Musk was one of the most appalling scents around, and he would never understand why anyone would voluntarily spray it one themselves.

Soon they reached the outskirts of the forest, and the view over the castle was stunning. For a brief moment Severus stopped and watched.

"Beautiful, right?"

Remus smiled. He loved it, the castle lying there in the distance, waiting for him. For them, actually. But Severus didn't reply and simply moved on.

To Remus' surprise they were met halfway by Albus Dumbledore. He must have known they were coming, but how? Waving he came closer.

"Remus, what a nice surprise. You went out looking for herbs and found Severus."

Severus only nodded curtly. Stopping right on front of them Albus smile vanished.

"And what happened to you?"

Once more confused Severus blinked. In the bright sunlight the scratch was far more visible than it had been in the forest, dried dark blood on white skin. Severus needed a moment to realize what Albus meant, and then touched his face as if he wasn't sure the scratch was really there.

"Nothing in particular. It will heal."

Sighing Albus looked at him with a tired glance, his bright blue eyes unblinking. For a moment Remus realized that something was going on that he couldn't see or hear. Then Severus broke their eye contact and looked to the ground. Albus shock his head softly and took a step closer.

"Really, you can't be left alone for a minute. Hold still."

He closed the distance between them and carefully reached out, placing his index finger under Severus' chin. For a moment Remus thought Severus would flinch and try to avoid the touch, but he kept himself in check and remained where he was.

Still with slow and careful moves Albus turned Severus' head slightly, and ran his thumb down the scratch softly. It was only a tiny movement, the slightest of touch, but Severus' eyes fell close immediately and he seemed to relax visibly. He only opened his eyes again when Albus removed his hand. The scratch was gone.

"There, as good as new. Just don't tell Poppy, she doesn't like me doing her work. I'll see both of you later."

Remus smiled and nodded, and Severus seemed still a bit dazed, needing another moment to fully return to reality. Albus was already three steps away when he turned around, giving Severus another once-over before shaking his head and yelling over his shoulders.

"And tell Lucius that his taste is rather appaling. Really, for such a distinguished gentleman his fashion sense is rather weak."

Then he nodded once more and was gone. Remus felt the thoughts in his head swirling, but he also tried not to break into laughter and simply allowed himself a grin. Severus shot him an acid stare.

"Say a word and you're dead."

Then he moved on, as quickly as the effort of keeping his pride intact allowed. Remus gave him the space, waited until he was gone, and then finally allowed amusement to take him over. But a small part of his mind wasn't pleased with the idea that the shirt might indeed have belonged to Lucius Malfoy. He didn't like thought of the arrogant bastard talking Severus out of his shirt when Remus himself didn't make it any further than a distanced talk.

A few hours later Remus walked into Severus' private lab, this time with a matter of course stride and his leather pouch in his hand. Severus sat at his desk, dressed once again in his usual working attire, reading a book. Upon Remus' entrance he looked up, his face still set into a rather unpleasant frown.

But Remus only smiled in return and put his pouch on the table.

"I brought the herbs I picked in the forest, I guess you could answer I few questions I have?"

Still not quite eradiating warmth Severus placed his book down, stood up and crossed the room.

"Let me see. Do you have the coat?"

Quickly Remus unfolded the lab coat. He had done the necessary transformation just before he had come to the lab, correcting the length of the lab robe and shortening the sleeves. There was no point in pretending that he was as tall as Severus, even if he had always dreamt of adding a few inches to his height. Now it fit him perfectly. He shrugged it on, buttoned it up and enjoyed Severus' mildly approving nod.

"It will do."

He'd probably wait until Judgement day if he ever wanted a compliment from Severus. But it was better than some scathing remark, and so Remus emptied the content of his pouch onto the table. Quickly Severus sorted through them, picking the individual herbs apart without taking even a short moment to think.

"Herba ferrum, and Salvia elegans, still very young. You can see that the wood is already solid, but not yet as hard as it will be very soon."

In a gesture Remus knew perfectly well from himself Severus turned a small piece of Herba ferrum between long fingers and then carefully sniffed it.

"Both plants are typical for our region and currently in season, which means that they are at the height of their alchemical potency. Anything else?"

But the pouch was empty. Remus had placed the verbena branches on his own desk, waiting for them to dry and until then letting them fill his room with their fresh scent.

"Of course there's more, but for now that isn't that bad. Herba ferrum is actually a part of wolfsbane, but also useful for a variety of potions because it stabilizes the mixture and makes brewing more easy, especially when working with highly volatile potions. It hardly reacts with most basic ingredients or tools. And what is Salvia elegans good for?"

Remus hadn't expected a question and needed a second to sort through his internal herbology database. To his surprise Severus waited patiently.

"Sage has anti-inflammatory properties, I guess same goes for Salvia elegans? And the leaves smell of pineapple."

Severus nodded, visibly satisfied with the correct answer. Remus sniffed the sage leaves and enjoyed the strangely fruity scent.

"Five points for Gryffindor?"

Raising an eyebrow Severus put the plants down.

"Over my dead cold body. Sage is anti-inflammatory, that is correct. Salvia elegans is a minor subspecies of common sage and has more or less the same properties. But as young plant it's much more potent than common sage. Like herba ferrum it's used in the wolfsbane, mostly because it helps to stop inflammatory reactions in overstretched and ripped muscle tissue, preventing pain and speeding up the healing process."

Remus needed a moment to sort through this.

"So these are side affects of the wolfsbane? I always suspected it to do much more than simply keep my head clear, but I wasn't sure."

Severus shrugged.

"Of course, it seemed appropriate to fine-tune it as much as possible. Although the potency balance is incredibly delicate, there wasn't much room to do a lot."

Of course the transformations had been easier with wolfsbane, but Remus had never been too sure about the exact way it worked. And somehow he had always accredited his current safe surroundings with making everything a bit easier, a bit less painful. He hadn't been sure about the potion.

"How does it work?"

Sorting the herbs once more Severus sighed.

"You won't understand it just yet. There's a base enhanced by a lot of magic doing most of the work, and some added ingredients with useful side effects. Roughly said there is Salvia elegans to prevent inflammation, a verabascum extract to reduce pain and swelling, a high concentration of willow bark which helps to reduce the pain more, and basswood powder to calm the nerves and thus prevent unnecessary agitation and muscle cramps."

Remus was impressed.

"And all of that on top of the regular potions? How long did it take to test all the variations?"

Now slightly annoyed Severus put down the Herba ferrum and crossed the room again.

"It took a while. Especially pain killers are very difficult to work into potions. Most react with almost everything and destroy the balance. It takes a lot of experience and patience. Willow bark isn't very strong, but it was the strongest I could use. But it works, at least judging from your reports."

Remus nodded, but Severus had just vanished into the storage room and couldn't see it. The willow bark worked indeed, easing the transformation, and even reducing the pain so much that sometimes Remus could spent the days after the transformation feeling only sore and not as if his whole body had been ripped apart and stitched together again by some mad scientist.

When Severus returned he carried two brown glasses, sealed with cork and neatly labeled. Putting them down he wanted to say something, but Remus was faster.

"How do you know so much about painkillers?"

Frowning Severus looked down on the glasses and carefully started to remove the cork.

"I know a thing or two about pain. Knowledge not applied is wasted. Look at this."

He pushed the glasses into Remus' direction and it was very clear that there wouldn't be any further discussion about how Severus exactly had gained a working knowledge about painkillers. And why he was aware of pain induced by werewolf transformation. Or thought about ways to ease it.

But Remus knew not to ask and concentrated on the glasses.

"While we're talking about ingredients you can learn about ways to preserve them. These are your two herbs, cleaned, dried and ready for use. Look them up in your book tonight and learn everything about them: potency, actual active components, places to find them and season."

Looking into the glasses Remus nodded and then spent the next hour learning how to prepare and dry herbs so they could be used as ingredients in various potions.

He was just about to cut the bark off the young Salvia elegans when it knocked and the door swung open with cheerful force. Into the room marched Albus Dumbledore, smiling as always, followed by the far too elegantly dressed Lucius Malfoy.

Remus almost dropped his knife. He hated Malfoy with a passion, and he knew that most sane people would absolutely agree with him. The man was too cold, too obviously evil and too arrogant for anyone to spent more than three minutes with him and not harboring the need to kill him.

And he was always dressed to make people like Remus feel like a piece of dirt. The same feeling started to rise in Remus once again, but then he thought about the snakes moving on the green silk earlier and somehow managed to feel better. Although keeping a straight face became difficult.

"Severus, I just had the pleasure to welcome Lucius Malfoy to Hogwarts for a short conversation. He asked me lead him to your lab, as he said he had something important to say to you."

Malfoy smiled, but it had nothing to do with emotions and looked more like a grimace. His black cloak was draped artfully over his shoulders, and his heavy boots and made it look as if they were in the deepest gushes of winter. His cane tapped on the floor.

Severus seemed rather unfazed by the whole scenario. He straightened himself, brushed his hands off his and threw a short glance to Remus. Then he shrugged.

"What a pleasure, Lucius. What do you want?"

His voice was smooth, with only the tiniest hint of displeasure tingeing the edges. But Remus picked up on them easily. It seemed that Lucius didn't. His smile broadened and he brushed a strand of bright blonde hair off his shoulders.

Albus nodded. "I will see you at the Ministry, then, Lucius. Goodbye." And then he was gone, leaving Remus to wish that he could simply leave as well.

"A word, Severus, if you please."

Severus murmured something unintelligible, and cast a short glance at Remus.

"Just continue with your work."

Then he left, following Lucius out of the door. But they didn't shut it properly, whether intentionally or not, and Remus could hear their voices while he continued to scrape the bark off his Salvia branch.

"What can be so important that you disturb me here at Hogwarts? I dislike being disturbed."

Cursing his sensitive hearing Remus tried to concentrate on his branch. But he couldn't help hearing Malfoy chuckle.

"Considering I woke up alone today I felt I had to track you down. You forgot something."

The bark was rather stubborn, Remus found.

"I never forget things, as you might recall. It's a nasty little habit of yours, hiding other people's belongings."

Sage was good against inflammations in joints, yes. Remus tried to recount its other uses. Why didn't the bark simply do what he wanted it to do?

"And leaving in the middle of the night is one of yours. Will you never give that up?"

He heard Severus snort.

"No. Send Narcissa my regards. Your belongings will be delivered to you via owl. And I never want to see you in my lab again."

A slight hint of a threat, but Lucius seemed to be a difficult man to threaten at all. The Salvia elegans, in the meantime, didn't yield in the slightest, and Remus used a bit more force on the knife.

"Yes, you always say that. But why? I come with the best intentions. I found something of yours in my own house, and I'm bringing it back. Is there harm in that?"

Remus thought about clouds. Beautiful fluffy white clouds over a clear sky -

"Your best intentions have killed many a man."

Malfoy laughed again, softly, and the little hair in Remus' neck stood up. Clouds, damn it!

"So has your magic. But do I accuse you of that? I never would. You see, I'm a very generous man."

Sunny-day clouds. White clouds, traveling far, to foreign places, and the innocent sun shining. Yes.

"You're a birdbrained man, at best, and I will not go deeper into your less amicable character traits. Get lost, Lucius, or I'll show you the way out and you're very much aware of the fact that you will not enjoy that."

How many types of clouds were there? Remus wondered, attacking the branch once more with his knife. His ears were strangely hot.

There was silence in the corridor for a moment, shuffled steps, more silence, and Remus mind dropped the image of clouds immediately and went on to something he rather wouldn't want to think about. Out of nowhere rose the image of a pale hand, long fingers on prominent cheekbones, and he had a hard time chasing his dream away.

Then suddenly the door was opened, and Severus stalked back into the lab. The noise drew Remus back to reality rather abruptly, and he jerked the knife too hard. It cut through the sage and straight into Remus' thumb.

Immediately he took a step back, dropping the knife on the table. No blood on the cutting boards and ingredients, he remembered the rule exactly.

Severus picked up on the situation quickly.

"Sharp knifes, you might remember. How bad is it?"

Instinctively Remus hid his hand.

"Don't, my blood is highly contagious and - "

But Severus interrupted him brutally.

"Lycanthropy is only transmitted by blood on blood contact, as you should know. I have no open wounds on my hands. Now show me the cut before you flood my whole lab and I'll have to scrub the floor for weeks."

The cut wasn't big but almost bone-deep, and the blood was already dripping to the floor in small drops. In no time Severus picked a small box from between his books on the shelves and brought it to the table. There were band-aids and gauze, sterile bandages and a variety of vials.

He took a small piece of sterile gauze, drenched it with liquid from a vial and handed it to Remus.

"Put it on the cut, it cleans the wound and prevents infection. It could burn a bit."

That was the understatement of the century. As soon as the gauze touched Remus' wound it burned like fire, and for a short second he considered chopping his whole hand off. He had tears in his eyes immediately.

"Hell, what is that?"

Severus handed him a large band-aid.

"Disinfectant, what else. Go and see Poppy, she can clean you up properly."

Remus' finger pulsed horribly.

"No good with healing, are you."

Severus already reassembled the box and returned it to its shelf.

"Not a bit. But Poppy is a rather useful addition to the Hogwarts staff, and someone has to make sure she stays in training."

There seemed a grain of sad truth behind that statement that had nothing to do with Remus' finger, but for the moment the pulsing pain kept Remus' mind suitable occupied. It also chased away ideas about what had happened in the hallway right now.

"Go now, I'll clean up. At least you learned something today."

Remus protested, but Severus waved him away impatiently. Turning around one last time while he was already in the doorway Remus saw him leaning against his working desk, rubbing his forehead, his face set into a mask of deep thinking. His gaze was fixed to the drops of blood on the floor, but Remus couldn't shake of the idea that his mind was somewhere entirely else.

But the pain in his finger prevented Remus from thinking about that longer, and he made his way over to the hospital wing. He wanted to keep his finger a while longer, after all. He might need his hands one day for more pleasant things than cutting potatoes and sage.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 2011 - 15/9/2014

_Salvia elegans in fact does smell of pineapple. Fancy, considering how horribly sage tea tastes. _

A/N: Reviews, how I love them. Thank you. I will do my best to update regularly and not keep you guessing for too long.

Veteran also prompted me to take a good look at my own profile and I realized that, indeed, I've been here for twelve years now myself. Time surely flies. (Also, Veteran, do link me to your own work, if you fancy. I'm a very curious person.)


	6. Things we hide in the dark

**Things we hide in the dark  
**

Poppy took care of Remus' cut with a few well practiced spells and touches, and then send him away.

"I feel like telling you to go outside and play. But really, the sunshine is so beautiful and we have so few free days anyway. Don't spent that much time with Severus, his work ethic is contagious and not very healthy."

Remus couldn't help but agree, thank her and decided to take half of her good advice. The days were going by fast, but for him that also meant that the time to accomplish his goal of brewing wolfsbane and seducing Severus was running up. So he collected his books and quill from his rooms and occupied the large table in the orchard.

With the chapters on Herba ferrum and Salvia elegans the time went by quickly, and the house-elves chased him away to set the table. Half an hour later he returned to a beautifully laid-out table and took a chair next to Minerva. Even Severus had come out of his lab, sitting next to Albus and involving him in a rather intense discussion on the molecular properties of Herba ferrum extracts. Or something like that.

Remus tried to listen and learn, but if he was honest with himself he didn't understand half of what they were saying. He only picked up on the fact that they didn't agree on something apparently important, and he enjoyed listening to Albus gently mocking Severus for an approach apparently shared only by a minority of potion masters overall. Smiling Remus concentrated on his food and then questioned Pomona Sprout on growing cycles of certain plants. She was amused about his new passion for Herbology, but indulged him willingly with her knowledge.

"Sometimes I think our house-elves try to feed us all into obesity."

Minerva eyed the selection of sweets that had just appeared on the table with thinly veiled delight.

"The Panna cotta is especially delicious. Severus?"

Albus picked up a small glass bowl and held it into Severus' direction. But the potions master had been lost in thought, and startled when he heard his name. Shaking his head he waved Albus' hand away.

"No thank you."

He quickly hid a yawn behind his hands. It hadn't bypassed Remus that he had been more and more silent the longer the dinner lasted, eating almost nothing and nursing a single glass of white wine. As soon as the desert was gone he pushed his chair back and rose.

"If you'll excuse me."

Albus nodded and patted his arm.

"Of course. Go to bed. Did you get any sleep last night?"

Severus tried to answer, but whatever he had planned to say got lost in another yawn he hid in his hands.

"Apparently not. Go, you're not useful when you're that tired."

Nodding duly Severus tapped the table once with his left fist, and left.

With the twilight giving way to darkness the atmosphere at the table got more and more relaxed. With a single hand move Albus placed small shining orbs into the trees, and the whole orchard suddenly twinkled in the night. Minerva filled their glasses with sticky lemon liquor she had brought from Rome, and especially Albus took an instant liking to the sugary alcohol. It wasn't quite to Remus taste, but it fitted well with the Panna cotta and the laughter underneath the fruit trees.

Adding to the general amusement and fueled by lemon liquor Minerva started to share some of her best anecdotes of several decades of serving as Head of Gryffindor. Remus was halfway amused and halfway mortified. He hadn't been aware of Minerva knowing everything about their little affairs and love adventures, and his ears stayed warm even though he joined into the general laughter. On the other hand he himself knew a lot more than his students would find appropriate, too, as was the curse of any teacher.

The laughter seemed to float around the table in waves, and the twinkling orbs in the trees matched perfectly with the starts glittering above them.

It was almost midnight when the lightness of the atmosphere was disturbed. Nobody had heard Severus coming, but suddenly a pale hand was placed on Albus' shoulder lightly and the candles on the table cast long shadows on him, still half-hidden in the shadows.

Dressed entirely in black he blended in perfectly with the darkness surrounding the table. The smell of burnt flesh hit Remus like a wave. He didn't need to look twice to understand what was going on, and the laughter at the table died quickly.

"Albus, a moment, if you please."

Without hesitating a second Albus got up, and followed Severus out of the immediate surroundings of the table. They spoke for a moment, still being the focus of everybody's attention, although they were too far away for anybody to understand their words.

Remus had never seen Severus or any other high-ranked Death Eater in their full regalia, and it was indeed an impressive sight. He was used to Severus all in black, of course, but even his academic robes were light-weight, slim cut although they tended to billow around him. They hid his body perfectly, but they didn't do much to enhance his already impressive persona.

These robes were different. Heavy and visibly luxurious fabrics were artfully draped around him, the long cloak fastened to his shoulders in a system Remus couldn't quite understand. The large hood was still down and he held a pair of thin black leather gloves in his hand. Small details drew the eye of the beholder and let one to the conclusion that the robes, and by that their occupant, were capable of expensing large amount of money into their appearance. Small polished buttons gleamed here and there in the light and the complicated draping of the fabric probably made it a pain to put on. The cloak wasn't made of entirely black fabric but rather of a delicately weaved texture, with ornamental decorations and an endlessly swirling complicated pattern.

There was not a hint of skin visible besides Severus' face and hands, and Remus knew that both would be covered soon as well. On a second glance he realized that Severus must have taken the bandage off his right wrist.

For a moment everybody watched Albus speak. Severus said only few words, and nodded. Then they moved even further away from the table, walking together all the way from to the Great Portal. Remus would have been ready to swear that he could hear the hem of Severus' heavy cloak softly brushing over the grass. He moved differently, even, slightly straighter, still with grace but also with a certain controlled power that was nothing but a thinly veiled threat. Remus wouldn't want to meet him in the dark alone, and yet somehow it was tempting, as every good evil had to be.

Then they stood in front of the portal for a moment, Albus suddenly small compared to Severus. They watched Severus put on the gloves, pull up the wide hood hiding his face. For a second something silver gleamed in the light from the lamps fixed to the Portal.

Suddenly they felt a tiny twist in the magical atmosphere surrounding them, and then Severus was gone.

When Albus returned nobody had refreshed the conversation again. In complete silence he sat down and picked his glass of wine up. It was Minerva who spoke first.

"And that tonight when he was so tired. It's good you allowed him to disapparate from the portal."

Albus nodded, swirling the wine in his glass.

"He can't pick when he's summoned. Tom has his own ideas and usually a rather bad timing."

Sighing Minerva nodded. But Remus' thoughts were somewhere else, and curiosity once more got the better of him.

"Was the silver flash we saw the mask?"

Albus nodded, but Remus' curiosity wasn't satisfied just yet.

"What does it look like?"

Sipping on his wine and putting down the glass Albus shock his head.

"Silver. There's a reason you don't know."

Surprise was uttered by more than one person. Minerva leant in.

"Care to enlighten us?"

Albus didn't seem to feel especially fond of the idea, but he gave in easily.

"You do know that all Death Eaters wear masks to hide their identity. Most of these are very similar. But the highest ranking followers wear specific masks, designed following their personal wishes, indicating rank and individual traits. First of all it was Severus request that only I know how exactly his mask looks like. But apart from that it makes sense to keep it a secret, as one day you might stumble over him in a battle situation, and it could cost him his life if anybody picks up on his connection with the order."

Smiling reassuringly he nodded.

"It will also save you nightmares, belive me. The robes and appearance are impressive enough, but the missing face is the most frightening thing about the whole masquerade. Tom did know what he was doing with that."

The atmosphere at the table in the orchard never returned to it's former ease afterwards. They tried to keep up the conversation, and with the help of lemon liquor and sugary treats it did work a bit. But sometimes Remus caught himself or any of the others sharing the same thought, wondering what was happening so many miles away from them, and if Severus would make it home in one piece.

The following night proved that Albus wasn't always right. He had assumed that not knowing about the mask spared them nightmares, but Remus had a very active imagination, and his mind substituted knowledge with various options with ease. In his dreams he lay on the cold hard floor in a darkened room, surrounded by what he knew to be Voldemort's men. They black clad bodies seemed to float around him in a circle, round and round, and their blank silver faces were the only thing visible in dim light. He knew he was bleeding, that he would be dying soon, that someone in the circle was already waiting to perform the spell, to say the two deadly words - but no one did. They simply turned in a circle, in complete silence and darkness, while Remus tried to move and couldn't, his limbs frozen in place.

When he woke up with a scream on his lips his sheets were drenched with his sweat. Gasping for air he listened to his own voice vibrating in his dark bedroom for a moment. Heat, sugary alcohol and Death Eaters, it just didn't go together well. A swift glance at the clock on his nightstand told him that it was almost half past three in the morning, but he knew he wouldn't fall asleep again this time.

His body needed movement, and he knew that exercising his legs would help against the onslaught of mental images. Chasing the floating blank faces from his mind he put on a t-shirt and some linen trousers, and left his rooms.

The dark castle was familiar ground. Smelling the stones, feeling the coolness rising from the hard floor, sometimes listening to the whispering stones - he had spent so many nights wandering alone through these corridors at night that it immediately soothed his mind. It was a form of walking meditation, his feet carrying him through the corridors with not aim, no apparent logic or sense of direction. He was alone with the night and the stones.

Remus had just ascended to the a higher floor when he noticed something odd about the dimly lit corridor in front of him. It was one of the few corridors not lit by torches but natural moonlight, with fourth large windows casting pale shadows on the floor. Each window had two window panes, separated in the middle by a richly ornamented column. The deep set window sills were comfortable lounging spaces, and students retreated to these rarely used areas to read in peace and enjoy the view over the grounds. Remus remembered going there himself, back in the days when sometimes the library was too dark and the common room too crowded.

Now three symmetrical shadows were on the stone floor, painting the outlines of the windows in weak light. But the fourth pool of moonlight showed an added silhouette, something dark perched on the window sill, motionless. Remus stopped, rooted to his spot at the top of the stairs. Nothing moved.

His mind went through his options quickly. His wand was back in his private rooms, and for a moment he deeply regretted leaving it there. Then rationality kicked in. Hogwarts was one of the safest places in the world, protected by a thick layer of active spells and many more of ancient magic nobody really understood. It was highly unlikely that someone had entered the castle unseen. And why should anyone or anything retreat to a rarely used corridor and wait there? Still thinking he sniffed.

There was an unmistakable scent of blood in the air, sickeningly sweet and heavy.

Carefully he took a few steps down the corridor, closing the distance between him and window and who or whatever was sitting there. It quickly became obvious that he damned well knew who was there, although it didn't make any sense to him why that particular person should be sitting in that particular spot at that particular time.

Trying to make more noise then necessary Remus sat down in the same window, a few inches away, carefully watching Severus.

He seemed to be asleep, but in a strange enough position. Seated in the middle of the bench created by the window sill he had his back against the ornamental column, very straight, his head leant against the stone. With eyes closed and hands folded in his lap he seemed as still as a statue. Gone was the large thick coat, but he was still wearing a stiff ensemble of frock coat and white shirt, his hair a sharp contrast with his white collar. The smell of blood was stronger the closer Remus came.

"Severus?"

It seemed like eternity until Severus blinked and opened his eyes. The moonlight wasn't strong, but even with that as only light source Remus noticed that his eyes needed a long time to focus. He didn't move beyond that, keeping his stiff and rigid position. Now close to him Remus noticed that something was odd about his breathing patterns, his shoulders moving unnaturally with every intake of breath.

"What're you doing here?"

His voice was soft, almost inaudible, and strangely thin. It seemed that speaking required more effort than he was able to put in.

"Taking a walk. And you?"

Something tugged at the edge of Remus mind and told him to open his bloody eyes and see, but somehow he couldn't figure out what the problem exactly was. Besides the fact that he had just found Severus in a darkened corridor, at the other end of the castle, far away from any space where he could realistically be expected to be. At almost four o'clock in the morning.

"Takin' a break."

The scent of blood was almost unbearable, but Remus couldn't quite detect where it came from. Severus seemed unharmed, at least from what Remus could see. He wasn't behaving like an injured man, not holding on to any specific body parts or hunching over. Only his stiff posture was somehow odd, as was the way his fingers were entwined. And why would be take a break? Here? From what?

"Are you alright?"

Asking wouldn't hurt, but then Remus was sure he wasn't going to get an answer.

"Hm. Get lost."

It was an insult barely above a whisper, but it also seemed obvious that Severus wasn't in the mood or condition to deal with Remus. Still keeping his head leant against the column he closed his eyes again, his face a carefully composed mask of nothingness except for a few deep lines on his forehead. But Remus wasn't a man to take orders.

"No. Are you hurt?"

For a short second something like amusement ghosted over Severus' set face. He seemed to exhale carefully.

"Not your business."

Remus carefully inched towards him, closing the already short distance between them. The closer he came the more he picked up on scents he didn't like. Blood, dirt, sweat, something he couldn't place but suspected to be fear. He frowned. The tugging at the edge of Remus' mind became more persistent.

For a moment there was nothing but silence, disrupted by Severus' labored breathing that Remus could now even hear, sitting directly next to him. Remus mind was swirling with options and possibilities, but nothing made sense. He watched Severus once more from the side, picking up on small details. In the moonlight his skin seemed to be made out of thin paper. And then he noticed the tiniest of movement that had thus far evaded his observing eyes. Severus' hands, neatly folded, weren't as still as the rest of the man. Remus suspected that he hadn't noticed before because the way Severus held his hands hid most of their strange movements with what seemed to be practised ease. But it became more and more obvious that they were moving ever so slightly, twitching uncontrollably and softly shaking.

Surprised Remus moved before thinking, reaching over and placing his own hand on top of them. Severus flinched, pulled his hands away from Remus', relaxing his grip and thus effectively giving Remus exactly what he wanted. Without giving a damn that he had just invaded Severus' private space without even asking Remus caught Severus' now free left hand and cradled it in his own.

His skin was cold as ice, and the shaking of his fingers became even more recognizable in Remus' soft, but steady hold.

"You're freezing to death, how is that possible in this kind of heat? What the hell happened to you?"

The lines on Severus face deepened, but he was obviously not capable of fighting Remus' invasion. He shrugged, although it was very clear that he was deeply uncomfortable with the situation. Remus carefully tightened his grip around Severus' hand, massaging thin fingers softly as if it would help restoring their warmth. How could a man be half freezing to death in a corridor that was so warm? Dressed in so many layers of thick fabric? Remus would have died wearing all these heavy textiles, but they seemed to do nothing to stop the cold in Severus' bones.

"Let me try something else. How can I help you?"

It seemed like ages until Severus said something, but Remus was patient. He just sat there, watching him from the side, feeling the trembling of Severus' fingers against his own palms. His heartbeat was slightly out of control, but he attributed it to the fact that he had no idea what actually was going on.

"You could leave."

There was a hint of sarcasm in the whispered request, indicating that Severus was exactly aware that there was no way he would get rid of Remus anytime soon. Allowing himself a soft grin that Severus couldn't see through closed eyes Remus shock his head.

"No. Other ideas?"

Finally Severus sighed.

"Damn you. There's a vial. In the lab, on my desk. Not labeled." Speaking seemed to become more and more difficult, but Severus took only a short break and continued. "Clear liquid. Bring it?"

For a brief second Remus wondered whether that was simply a plot to get rid of him, so that Severus could stay on the window sill and suffer in peace, but the request seemed genuine.

"Sure. Isn't the door locked?"

Severus blinked, opened his eyes for a short second, and seemed to focus on something. Then he nodded carefully, not moving anymore than it was necessary.

"Not anymore."

With closed eyes leaning his head against the stone column he exhaled carefully. Remus nodded, although it was useless.

"I'll be back soon. Don't run away."

Severus snorted almost inaudibly.

"Not likely."

Releasing Severus' hand Remus stood up and quickly made his way down the corridor. When he turned around one last time he saw Severus slowly retreating into his former position, hands neatly folded in his lap, fingers entwined to keep the trembling under control. Then Remus turned around and ran all the way to the lab.

It was exactly as Severus had said. The door opened to Remus' touch, and a quick Lumos showed the there was indeed one single vial on Severus' working desk, placed there as if to make sure it wouldn't be forgotten. Picking it up Remus eyed it. It was a small vial, filled with a clear liquid, neatly corked and without any kind of label indicating what was inside. Only a single dot with black ink on the cork marked it as not containing water. Remus had no clue what could be inside, but that wasn't his exact mission anyway.

The door to the lab closed heavily behind him, and he made his way back.

When he arrived in the corridor again nothing had changed. Quickly he strode over, took his former spot on the window sill and held the vial out.

"I guess I found it."

Severus needed a moment to open his eyes and turn his head, every single movement carefully acted out as if he needed to actually think about how his body was supposed to move. With the same speed he held out his left hand, and Remus placed the vial inside.

For a short second he remembered that the vial was still corked and wondered how Severus would get the cork off with his rather uncoordinated hands. But apparently this wasn't the first time for something like this to happen, and Severus knew exactly how to open the vial. Pressing the nail of his thumb on a certain part of the cork it opened effortlessly and with a soft hiss.

"I see you got a system."

Remus nodded approval. He liked things that worked, that had been thought through and put to action, especially when tiny details were concerned. Severus hesitated only a short moment.

"Yes."

Then he placed the vial on his lips and downed the liquid. Putting the empty vial down again he carefully placed it on his right side, where the window sill wasn't occupied by Remus. Exhaling again he leant back and closed his eyes.

"What's in there?"

It was halfway genuine interest in the potion Severus used, and halfway worry about what exactly was happening. Severus didn't move an inch.

"Water."

Shaking his head Remus disapproved.

"You know I'm not that stupid."

In slow motion Severus shrugged. Remus wondered whether he would fall asleep anytime soon, and if it wasn't incredibly uncomfortable doing it sitting that straight.

"Are you going to stay here?"

Remus eyed the empty vial. What was that liquid?

"No. Half an hour, maybe more."

Half an hour? Did whatever Severus took need that much time to kick in? Sitting still Remus wondered for a moment what was to happen next. He watched Severus carefully, who was still unmoving, but had returned to his former pattern of breathing. Now that he was aware of it Remus noticed the silent shaking of his hands more easily.

Then he remembered how cold Severus' skin had been.

"You are cold, right?"

Nothing happened for a while, but then Severus nodded very slowly. Remus was surprised by his own patience,

"Then let me warm you. When whatever you took there starts to work you can leave. Yes?"

Once more Remus waited, and Severus nodded finally. Trying to be encouraging Remus smiled, feeling only slightly stupid because Severus' eyes were still closed. Then he carefully placed his hand on Severus' still trembling fingers. Unsurprisingly Severus flinched again, but this time he allowed Remus to actually take his hand. Cradling it with both hands, feeling once more how cold the skin was still Remus slowly allowed his magic to grow into a soft heating spell. It was one of the few spells he knew how to conduct without using a wand or anything else but physical contact. Like a soft cloak he wrapped the spell around Severus stiff shoulders, using only a small amount of magic.

It surprised him how easy it was. And there was that short moment when his magic first touched Severus and Remus felt that very short reaction. It was a common thing, somebody' elses magic reacting towards a spell coming from the outside, especially if it wasn't an aggressive spell. It felt like two entities touching, carefully examining each other, and then allowing closeness. He felt the same whenever his magic came into contact with Sirius. They had combined their magic so many times that it was now a friendly thing, recognition, something warm and comfortable.

But he hadn't expected his magic react the same around Severus. For a tiny second he felt Severus' own magic, a powerful and foreign thing, darkly residing inside the other man's veins. But there was no barrier, no defense mechanism. It seemed as if Severus' magic agreed with what Remus planned to do, even welcomed the spell. It was easy to warp him into the invisible cloak of warmth. Remus hoped that Severus could read between the lines, pick up on the fact that he was safe with Remus. As far as they could be safe. As far as a man like Severus would ever be safe with anyone.

Remus astonishment was complete when he saw and felt Severus visibly relax after only a short time, slumping down just a little bit, and in that allowing their shoulders to touch. It would have been enough body contact to keep the spell up, but Remus didn't even consider letting go of Severus hand. It was safely kept between his own hands, and with every minute Remus felt, or imagined that he felt the tension in the long fingers lessen until Severus completely relaxed into his hold, fingertips tapping a strange involuntary rhythm against Remus' palms.

It was strangely peaceful, and for a moment they simply sat there. Remus listened to the sounds the castle made, to the movements in the night outside, and Severus' slow breathing patterns.

Then it suddenly clicked, and whatever had been tugging at the edges of Remus' mind suddenly found its voice. There was one thing Remus knew breathing techniques could be used, one thing he himself used them for, and one reason why someone might keep unlabeled vials in reach.

"Severus?"

It took a while for a reply to come, and Remus wasn't sure whether it was because Severus was already half asleep. But then he hummed a response, and Remus continued.

"You said you're dying. In the opium den."

Remus felt the nod more than he saw it, but Severus said nothing.

"I just remembered. Forgive, me, but -"

He couldn't say it. It didn't seem right. How does one ask someone else if they were dying? Hey, what about picking a gravestone tonight? Remus swallowed, not knowing how to phrase it. But to his surprised he didn't have to.

"Not tonight. It will pass."

He thought he had heard a hint of a smile in the too tired voice, still barely audible. Nothing more but a coarse whisper in the dark. Without knowing it Remus exhaled.

"But -?"

Severus nodded and hummed something once more.

"Yes."

Remus couldn't say anything after that. Instead he wrapped his hand around Severus fingers, entwining their hands, one of Remus' thumbs drawing lazy circles on the bony wrist. He liked the feeling, although his own hands seemed to be ridiculously small compared to Severus'. But Remus' skin was softer, not hardened by years of handling ingredients and hot cauldrons. He was surprised how many small patches of hardened skin he found, how many healed cuts and little scars. Severus' hands were those of a man working, useful and finely tuned tools, still beautiful even in their involuntary trembling.

Very slowly he felt the skin warming up, and it seemed to him that Severus was relaxing, his breathing becoming more and more natural. They sat in silence. Remus' head was filled to the brim with questions, but as always he knew he would never get an answer. All he could do was offering warmth and silent companionship, right there and then, and he did it.

He couldn't determine the exact moment when the clear liquid started to do it's work. But somehow life returned into Severus slowly, and then there was a moment when he carefully pulled himself up, sitting more straight than before. Remus regretted the moment their shoulders stopped touching, and it was only a matter of time until he had to let go of Severus' hand. He let the warming spell slowly die down.

Slowly but more determined Severus moved, carefully as if first trying if his body would subject itself to his command. It almost painfully reminded Remus of how he moved after a night spent as a wolf, testing whether his limbs were properly attached back to his torso, checking if his muscles still functioned and which bones were ruined.

With both of his hands free Severs rubbed his face, and Remus realized that he still wasn't wearing the bandage round his right wrist. It looked slightly swollen, but he didn't point it out. Severus was probably already aware.

Then Severus got up, still slightly unsteady. Remus remained where he was, smiling up to him.

"Are you feeling better?"

Severus nodded, once more rubbing his eyes.

"Yes. I shall go. Apologies for disturbing your night."

Remus tried to keep his face neutral, crossing his legs. He wasn't tired in the slightest, but he didn't feel like moving.

"Don't be stupid."

Severus nodded once more and turned, still very consciously placing his feet. But he quickly seemed to walk with more stability. He almost made it to the stairs when Remus called him back.

"Where does the blood come from?"

Severus stopped, but he didn't turn around. All Remus could see was his dark silhouette in the corridor, pale light on black fabric, shoulders slumped underneath an invisible weight.

"It's not mine."

The agony was almost palpable, a man confessing his sins. Remus tried not to be shocked. Then Severus vanished, down the stairs leading to the corridor that would bring him back to Serpens Tower. Remus remained in the window seat, now finally looking through the glass. The ground was bathed in the moonlight, meadows, the lake, and the dark silhouette of the forbidden forest. He wasn't sure what he had expected. It was difficult to arrange the things Severus did with what he was learning about the man. What happened that night? What did it do to him? What did it do to them?

Picking up the empty vial Severus had forgotten Remus turned it between his fingers.

They all did what they had to do. It was the only way to get them through these times, and Remus knew that the worst was yet to come. But they lost so much along the way, they were hiding so many things. And what use was all that? What happened when there were no vials left they could drink against the pain, when breathing didn't help anymore? Where was the end, and what would happen then? How long could it take for a single man to die?

He stayed on the window seat, lost in thought, until the sun rose above the forest, bathing the ground in golden light and doing nothing to solve their problems.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 18/9/2014

A/N: With this chapter "Fire" officially digresses from "Earl Gray", with first original scenes. It was fun to write instead of merely translating myself, although the latter one is a much quicker process..


	7. Who needs enemies when we've got friends

**Who needs enemies when we've got friends**

When Remus stood in front of the wooden door to the lab once more he felt a sudden attack of severe nervousness. He had no idea how Severus would react now, only hours after Remus had watched him vanish down the dimly lit corridor. After he had held his hand, warming him, almost protecting him. Experience told Remus that it was very likely that Severus would either gloss over what had happened and simply ignore it or be in a terrifying bad mood, maybe throwing a cauldron at Remus' head. Or a curse.

Prepared for everything Remus knocked, twice, on the solid wood. The door opened readily, just as it had the past night, and he walked into the brightly lit room.

Severus sat at his working desk, a stack of books in front of him, twisting a pencil between the fingers of his left hand as he tended to do when concentrating. He looked better, less exhausted and from what Remus saw his hands were perfectly calm. The bandage was back on his right hand, and from the way his whole lower arm was placed on the table Remus figured that it was causing him pain. On Remus' own desk a couple of brown glasses, a cutting board, knifes and a bowl with whitish roots were awaiting him.

Trying to look confident Remus wandered into the room.

"Good afternoon, I guess."

Looking up from his books Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Indeed."

With a move of his head he motioned Remus towards his table.

"Everything's prepared."

Nodding Remus took his place. But he wasn't done yet. Watching Severus rise slowly and following him over to the table he inhaled. A man has to be brave sometimes, and he would be brave. He was a Marauder, after all.

"How are you?"

Facing each other with the table between them Remus cast a critical glance at Severus' face, but he saw no signs of the things he had seen in the dark. Severus simply shrugged.

"I guess I have to thank you for your, ahm, help. It is appreciated."

These was no sign that he didn't mean it, and Remus recognized the effort behind the personal sentiment and nodded.

"Of course, it's what friends do, you know. I'm sorry you're going through these bad phases."

The word 'friend' seemed to surprise Severus slightly, but it was the latter part of Remus' sentence that completely amused him.

"I've seen worse."

As soon as he had said the words Severus seemed to regret them, seemingly being angry at himself for giving away something personal so easily. But he caught himself quickly.

"But that doesn't matter right now."

Remus was of a very different opinion.

"It does. What does a bad phase look like if that wasn't one?"

Apparently nobody had asked Severus that before, and his face was a mixture of genuine surprise and suspicion. "Why should that matter to you?"

Now slightly frustrated Remus crossed his arms in front of his chest. He had no plans to back down anytime soon.

"Why should it not? We work together, we live together, we fight together. Doesn't it work that way?"

Severus needed a moment to process that, the surprise become more obvious. Then he shrugged.

"What do you know about Cruciatus, given that you actually teach a subject with the words Dark Arts in its title?"

Severus looked down at the table once more, waiting for Remus' explanation, and realised that something was missing. He counted the glasses once, looked at the labels and then turned around and walked over to the storage room. It gave Remus enough time to think his answer through.

"Well, probably not as much as you do, considering you deal with dark wizards and dark magic all the time."

Severus was well already in the doorway, turning around. There was a hint of that dangerous smile on his face.

"It's always entertaining to watch the lot of you talking yourself around the truth. I do not deal with dark wizards, Lupin, I am one."

Then he vanished into the storage room for a moment. When he returned he carried another brown glass in his hands. Remus hadn't yet managed to brush the slightly shocked look of his face.

"How can you say something like that? You do work for the order, after all."

Arriving at the table once more Severus carefully put the brown glass down.

"I work for Albus Dumbledore, not for the order. I like my masters to be clearly defined, it makes bowing to them easier."

Then he tapped the lid of the brown glass he had just brought from the storage room.

"But that is currently not open for your consideration. Focus on your work."

Biting back a sharp remark Remus growled, but Severus ignored him and opened the lid. Immediately the whole lab was flooded with the scent of verbena, and Remus didn't need to wait for the glass to be completely opened or to read the label.

"Well, at least you brought something I like. What is verbena good for?"

Severus stopped, the lid still half on the glass.

"Did you read the label?"

Confused Remus shock his head. Then it dawned on him that Severus obviously had no clue about his sharpened senses. For a second he considered keeping his secret, but it was no use.

"Werewolves have heightened sensatory capacities. Even as humans. I smelled the verbena clearly."

Then he considered something.

"How else did you think I picked up on the blood on you last night?"

For a second Severus entertained the thought, obviously annoyed that he had missed that important fact for such a long time.

"I was wondering, I have to admit that. Well. How good is your olfactory sense really? And is the intensity of the sensation subject to change, depending on the moon phase?"

Remus hadn't expected being questioned, but he answered as truthfully as he could and then rightfully named the ingredients in all the other brown jars without looking at the label or Severus opening the lid fully. Somehow Severus seemed rather pleased with this new development.

"That will be very useful during the work process. It means I can train you to pick up on reactions during brewing process much easier. The olfactory sense is extremely important for work with potions, masters take a long time to train it. You seem to have a, say, natural advantage."

Remus grinned.

"I never thought it would be useful one day."

Shrugging Severus fully opened the jar holding dried verbena and carefully let three dried branches fall on the cutting board.

"Everything is useful, sometimes we just do not it realize it immediately."

And without further commentary he launched into a lesson on cutting techniques for the ingredients prepared on the table.

They spent the following three days in that manner. Afterwards Remus knew thirty different cutting techniques and methods of preparations. He could correctly identifies tubers and roots, blossoms and leaves, knew how to properly grind seeds into powder and slice thin pieces of pistils. They worked mostly in silence, but amicably so. Remus didn't ask further questions, and Severus kept his tongue and temper in check.

But slowly Remus' work got better, and he earned a few honest compliments for his efforts. To his surprise Severus was a patient teacher, repeating things when necessary or asked, with an easy to understand way to explain things. It helped that he could and did show Remus the necessary cutting techniques first, and if necessary guided him through the process. That was maybe the biggest surprise: that the untouchable man did not shy away from physical contact when necessary in the lab. It gave Remus hope that Severus maybe wouldn't actually be as buttoned-up as he usually appeared. But then Remus never got to test his newfound knowledge further, as they hardly met outside the lab.

Until the morning of the fourth day after their nightly incident. Remus was sitting at his own desk in his comfortable rooms, repeating what he had learnt so far with the help of the Alchemy book, taking notes. He was concentrated on grinding techniques when it knocked on his door. Surprised he put his quill down and made his way through his study into his hallway.

His surprise was even greater when he saw Severus in the door frame, apparently on his way to or from the lab. He didn't bother himself with unnecessary formalities.

"Good morning. I would like to propose a change of course for today. You know the most important cutting techniques now, and we should move onwards. Taking inventory this morning I noticed that some ingredients are missing. I will acquire the most important one today. Considering it's a rather unusual process I thought you might want to join me."

Remus was confused and excited at the same time. And he was glad that finally he could stop chopping.

"That sounds good to me. Where are we going?"

But Severus was already on his way down the corridor.

"Meet me at two at the portal. Wear muggle clothing."

Then he was gone, not even answering Remus' question.

At exactly two Remus waited in front of the Grand Portal. Dressed in his linen trousers and a t-shirt he considered himself to be sufficiently muggle-like looking. Severus was a few minutes late and Remus sat down on the steps, enjoying the warmth of the sun. Closing his eyes he left the warmth heat up his skin.

He only opened them again when Severus' shadow stole his light. Then he blinked. It would really take him a while to get used to that kind of denim on Severus, really. How could he do that to Remus? It was unfair. On a second glance he also liked the washed-out light grey t-shirt and the lightweight black linen suit jacket Severus wore on top of it. From his shoulders an aged leather bag dangled, and Remus caught the gleam of a slim wrist watch and hint of a golden signet ring. He looked perfectly muggle and yet very much like himself. Smiling Remus stood up, nodding a greeting, and trying not to stare.

"I don't think I've ever really seen you in proper muggle fashion. Where are we going?"

He hurried to catch up with Severus who had already turned and made his way over to the forest.

"To a city with a very high percentage of muggle population, obviously. They are used to a lot there, but full robes would be too much."

Quickly they reached the outskirts of the forest, escaping the hot sun. They made their way to the small clearing in silence. On their arrival Severus threw a short controlling glance into his bag, readjusted the sleeves of his jacket and nodded. "We'll apparate into a hidden corner in a courtyard. Move away from the spot fast, it's a popular spot to apparate and there will probably be some traffic. But otherwise no need to worry, the town will be flooded with tourists and they don't care." Remus nodded, although he didn't like the idea of being apparated somewhere without knowing where they were going.

"Will you finally tell me where the hell we're going? Your mysteriousness is annoying."

Surprised Severus looked up.

"I didn't tell you? Sorry. Oxford."

Then he took hold of Remus' arm and the familiar tug on his bellybutton whirled them through space.

Seconds later Remus opened his eyes standing in a corner shaded by a high-rising building behind them. The courtyard in front of them was laid out with cobble stone, and seemingly was the main hub for apparition. As soon as Remus recovered from the rather unpleasant feeling of being hauled through the air Severus pulled at his arm once more and they left their corner just in time.

Behind them a young woman wearing a skirt and blouse appeared with a soft 'plop', throwing them an disapproving glance and vanished through an archway. They followed suit.

Remus had never been to Oxford before. He had heard stories, of course, knew of the famed academic institutions, and even personally was acquainted with a selected few who had attended one of the wizarding colleges there. Back in his days a few of their schoolmates had tried to get in, but only a few ever made it. He remembered the day an official looking owl dropped a big parchment in front of Severus' plate at the Slytherin table, and the silent triumph spreading over his bony face. Remus had been so jealous he couldn't finish his porridge. Now it was his task to help students get accepted, and he did what he could. Sometimes Hermione confessed that she wanted to apply there, sometime in the distant future. He was sure she would make it.

He himself had never had a chance. His grades were top-notch, but that didn't help. No place in the world would take on a werewolf, even a rather bright one. It had always been a sting inside him, a well placed thorn hurting occasionally.

Now he felt it again. Wandering through the alleyways and streets, with the golden sandstone-buildings rising to their left and right, watching the tourists and locals wander past. Remus felt as if someone had robbed him of something, a chance he should have had and never got. He tried to ignore the feeling, and instead looked around. The town looked a bit as if someone had randomly dumped him into a historical novel.

Although he clearly wasn't alone in that novel. Hundreds of thousands of tourists made their way through the town, taking pictures, savouring the academic atmosphere. Remus was glad when Severus led them across an especially populated large street into the shadows of a small hidden alley. Remus would have loved to do a bit of sightseeing, but Severus seemed suddenly to be in a hurry.

"It's really beautiful."

Looking up the high walls of the college buildings surrounding them Remus tried to count the turrets and take in all the ornaments.

"Yes. You've never been?"

They reached the end of the alley, which opened onto a strange meadow that seemed to be completely empty.

"No. I know you studied here."

Severus stopped, and nodded. There was something in his face akin to nostalgia, and a strangely relaxed overall impression.

"At St. Aurelius, to be correct. We there, by the way."

Remus looked around, but there was, well, nothing. Only the meadow, of course. An empty meadow. Noticing his confusion Severus grinned, took a step forward and seemingly held a hand out into the empty air, slowly, as if he was reaching out to touch an invisible wall.

Which was actually exactly what he was doing. Suddenly the air above the meadow started to vibrate, and then, as if it had dropped down from the sky, a large building appeared. It was built out of the same golden sandstone the others were made of, with turrets and spires reaching into the sky, a large central tower with pinnacles, and flags hanging down in the still summer air. Severus' hand, formerly hanging in the air, was placed against one of the columns of the main entrance gate.

Remus blinked thrice, but the building was still there. Of course he knew spells to hide houses, but generally these were composed for smaller buildings. Even hiding a house like Grimmauld Place took a large amount of magic, and compared to the college Grimmauld Place was a rather smallish house. Severus seemed to enjoy the effect the appearing building had on Remus.

"You only ever see what you know to be there."

Then he gestured for Remus to follow him through the gate. Remus did so duly, noticing the heraldic symbol above the gate, a flowering golden tree on a beautiful blue shield.

Inside the lodge next to the gate sat a tiny old man, who apparently was the porter. He looked up from behind the Daily Prophet as they entered the room, his face a like a small shriveled raisin.

"The college isn't open to - oh no, it's you."

His voice wasn't quite welcoming, but Severus only grinned.

"Good afternoon to you, too."

The porter put down the newspaper and produced a large book that opened by itself at the right place. Severus fumbled in his bag for a wallet, and produced a small plastic card that decidedly had seen better days. The man looked at it and waved for him to put it away again.

"Yes, yes. Inscribe your name. And the one of your companion."

Severus replaced the card into the wallet, dropped it into the bag and took the quill. Bending a bit down over the book he wrote his name into the top column, including the current date, and then handed the quill over to Remus. Following his example Remus wrote his own name underneath Severus', taking a short second to try to decipher the abbreviations Severus had used. He had no clue what kind of academic degrees Severus exactly held, but the added "Ph.D., Mag. Al" indicated that it was more than one. His own name seemed a bit short in comparison, but Remus did his best to chase the sad feeling away quickly.

The porter took the quill back, threw a handful of sand onto the open page, waved it away with a quick spell and closed the book. Before he returned to his newspaper he threw a last unfriendly glance at Severus.

"If I hear any complaint about you - and no magic in the quad."

Severus put his hands up mockingly.

"I am aware, Mr. Pembroke, I am aware. Also Professor Libavius can vouch for me, I belive."

Grunting something unintelligible the porter shock his head and retreated behind the paper. Remus followed Severus out of the lodge into the large representative courtyard.

"Notorious, are you?"

Severus grinned. "Pembroke has known me for a long time, I guess. St. Aurelius is well protected, and rightly so. Their libraries are world famous, and they store ingredients worth more money than the Queen owns."

Looking around Remus took a moment to enjoy the surroundings. The main courtyard was beautifully laid out, with four symmetrical small lawns arranged around a fountain. Small signs forbid sitting on the lawn - "No entry! Curse-protected!"- and the statue on top of the fountain held a trident at Remus threateningly, moving with him and following his path with its head.

"Right. This is Neptune's Quad, as you've probably figured out already considering the old man seems to be slightly suspicious of you. Here are the main libraries, the Common Rooms and the Great Hall. St. Aurelius is old, very much so, I belive older than Hogwarts Castle is. Nicholas Flames taught here, and Albus read Arithmetic here, but that was decades ago."

With determined steps Severus guided them towards an archway at the left corner of the yard, and they walked through it, reaching another smaller courtyard laid out with cobblestone.

"One of the smaller yards, where the students are housed. Faculty generally lives somewhere else." Crossing through another archway they reached another, much smaller yard. Here the buildings were new, and the windows were large and seemed more modern.

"Geber's Quad, here are the labs. St. Aurelius only teaches Alchemy and Arithmetic, so they need lots of them."

Just as Remus wanted to ask what else one could study at Oxford one of the doors opened and a young man with short brown hair marched out of it into the courtyard. He wore a lab coat and carried a book, absently minded nodding at the visitors. He had already continued several stapes when he suddenly stopped and turned around again.

"Professor Snape?"

Severus stopped, turned around and nodded. The young man hurried back to them, visibly surprised, but delighted.

"Mr. Dee, I didn't expect to meet you. It's not term time, after all."

Stopping in front of them Mr. Dee smiled broadly.

"No, but the dean allowed me to use the laboratories for my research. I'm wrapping up my thesis as we speak, a fascinating thing on molecular proceedings after the extraction of willow bark has been terminalized for the third time through steam induced - but I wanted to send you an owl for ages. I read a paper of yours in the Britain Alchemical Review, and there were some points I'd like to question you. Would you mind? I wasn't sure how busy you currently are."

Listening carefully Severus nodded.

"Ah yes, it's about time someone deals with the atomic movements in extract residue. I considered dealing with that for a while, but time is scarce. You are most welcome to owl me, I guess you know the address."

Furiously nodding Dee seemed close to bowing.

"Thank you, thank you. I don't want to disturb you longer. Oh, apologies, Sir, I forgot. I'm Arthur Dee."

Remus took the extended hand and smiled.

"Lupin, I'm currently teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts."

Dee's smile broadened.

"Ah, good old Hogwarts. Say hello to the castle from me, please. I hope you'll have a good day. Professor Lupin, Master Snape."

Almost bowing again Mr. Dee turned around and hurried off. Severus' gaze followed him, and Remus couldn't help but register the clear favour with which Severus regarded the young man. Picking up on Remus' train of thought Severus raised his palms up.

"Yes, I know. He took my Salamander level course four years ago, and achieved very good grades. It was his dream, well. He's muggleborn, that used to be a problem, and Aurelius only takes on very few students a year. He needed someone to back him, and, well. Pulled a few strings. Good to see it was the right thing."

Grinning Remus nodded.

"Don't worry, I enjoy seeing your students liking you for a change. A Slytherin?"

Severus shock his head and moved to continue their way.

"With that kind of enthusiasm? No. We haven't gotten a Slytherin in any Oxford college for a while. He's a Ravenclaw."

Remus made a mental note to remember that Severus could, in fact, be above house favoritism and then followed him through the doorway into the building. The hallways in front of them were large and brightly lit, but at the same time sterile as they would be in a public institution or a hospital. To the right and left Remus saw doors, with numbers counting upwards from one.

He followed Severus down the hallway.

They weren't even halfway down to the place where the hallway turned around a corner when they heard a door open behind them. Hurried steps down the hallway were accompanied by the sound of the door being slammed shut.

"Snape!"

Severus stopped dead in his tracks, for a short second closing his eyes and sighing inaudibly. Then he turned around very slowly.

"Morold, what a pleasant surprise."

There was a sharp undertone in his voice, indicating that it was decidedly not pleasant, and Remus turned around quickly as well.

In the middle of the hallway stood a small wizard, dressed in a frayed lab coat, hardly any older than Remus himself, but podgy and red-faced. His whole body-langue was aggressive and proud, even though he really wasn't very tall. Remus immediately realized that this man was the resident top-dog, and that he suddenly stood on a very old and well-worn battlefield.

"See, see, what an honourable visit. What got you here?"

Severus didn't even try to hide how annoyed he was.

"Since when are you playing porter here? Finally found something fitting to your mental capacities?"

Morold growled, slowly closing the distance between him and them.

"Apparently we do need a new one, when they let in scum as you. And here I am thinking this is an honorable academic institution."

Morold's rage was obviousy, and Remus was once more amazed how easily even the pure existence of Severus could drive people into heated arguments.

But Severus himself seemed to be rather bored.

"Apparently not, otherwise they wouldn't let you in. But where would you go then? I heard Harold's hall has just been advertising scholarships for Divination. I'm sure they have a bit of space left, considering you don't need much of it."

It became hard for Remus not to grin, listening to the exchange of verbal blows that so clearly lead up to a duel. Morold seemed inches away from throwing a glove into Severus' face.

"Do I have to listen to someone like you?"

Severus threw a glance at his wrist-watch.

"No, because I am leaving now. Goodbye."

That was a rather surprising end to what could have turned into a beautiful brawl, and Remus was slightly disappointed. But Severus really did turn around and continued down the hallway, and Remus made haste to follow him. When he fell into step with Severus again he noticed that his lips were moving silently, as if he was casting a spell or counting.

Out of nowhere he suddenly held up a hand, and a curse slammed into the invisible shield behind them. Severus yelled the commentary over his shoulders.

"You're getting slow!"

Then he quickly retreated behind the corner, pulling Remus' sleeve to get him out of the danger zone. The next curse hit the wall immediately.

"Go to hell, Snape!"

A bit too pressed Morolds voice shrilled down the hallway, and it was not below Severus to yell back.

"Possum, sed nolens!"

Then Remus heard more cursing from Morold, steps, and door being forcefully slammed close.

Shaking his head Severus cast a disapproving look at the smoking hole in the wall.

"I think I have to apologise for that."

Remus examined the hole as well, calculating the force of the curse and being slightly impressed.

"You seriously need a no-duell-rule here. What did you do to him?"

Severus nodded and continued his way down the hallway.

"Long story. Actually there is a no-duel-in-the-building-rule, just like we have in Hogwarts. But of course duels are part of academic life. Tradition wants a duel to take place in Neptune's Quad, so that everybody can watch and bet on the winner. Morold's rage is old, but I guess he's too scared to properly request a duel. Smart, actually, I lost count how many times I won against him already."

Somehow that didn't surprise Remus.

"Lots of duels in your time, right?"

Severus stopped in front of a door and grinned.

"Captain of the duel team. But it's been a while. Anyway, let me introduce you to someone far more pleasant."

The door looked just like all the others, with a large painted number 12 on it. Severus tapped it four times just below the number, and without waiting for someone to call opened it and walked in.

Remus followed him into largest state-of-the-art lab he had ever been in. It was at least double the size of Severus' private lab back in Hogwarts, just as brightly lit, but slightly different equipped. The work tables were made out of metal, covered with cauldrons and vials. One of them served as makeshift desk, with books and notebooks strewn all over it. But that was it. There were no chairs, no shelves, nothing on the walls beside a clock directly above the door and some very strange green splatters on the ceiling.

On the work table in the middle of the room two cauldrons were bubbling on small fires. Both were made out of silver, with dark purple smoke rising into the air in synchronic intervals. Wooden spoons were stirring the potions in perfectly clocked movements.

In front of the cauldrons stood a single man, wearing a lab coat that was in even worse condition then the battered one Severus always used for work. He was tall and thin, but something about him seemed a bit hectic, and his movements lacked elegance. But there was something about the friendly face Remus instantly liked, sparkly green eyes behind thick glasses and a head full of fluffy red curls that would make a Weasely turn green with envy.

He looked up from the cauldrons and smiled.

"I knew it was you when I heard the curse crash into the wall and then someone yell latin. Did you kill anyone?"

Severus grinned. "Not this time."

Then he turned around an gestured towards Remus.

"Andreas, this is Remus Lupin, a colleague of mine. Professor Andreas Libavius, universal genius and master of potions- He currently holds a chair for work on the Opus Magnum. "

They shock hands, and Libavius smiled at Remus with the ease of a man who liked making friends and cooking proper spaghetti. His voice was pleasant, but there was a slight hint of a foreign country in it, something in the east that Remus couldn't identify. Hungary, maybe?

In the meantime Libavius turned around, brushed a stray red curl away from his face and exchanged a very strange left-handed handshake with Severus. It seemed to be something of an inside joke, but Libavius was obviously so thrilled to see Severus again that he afterwards grasped him by the shoulders and kissed him on the cheek.

"I haven't seen you in ages, hiding in your damn castle as you are. You look like shit, even by your standards. By the way, would you too think that Morold is getting old? How long did the curse need?"

Severus smiled, only slightly embarrassed by the overwhelming welcome and Remus was deeply surprised that there was a living person on the planet who could kiss Severus on the check and then tell him that he looked like shit without being instantly killed. Besides Albus. But Libavius seemed confident about his personal security, and Severus didn't look at all as if he was about to kill him.

"Eleven seconds, you should challenge him to test my theory. What are you working on?"

Libavius returned to his cauldrons.

"Without you as my second? I don't know. And this, well, nothing you care for, spagyrian that you are. You know, the Opus and such."

Suddenly the soft ting of a bell rang through the lab.

"Oh, I need to freeze the cauldrons. Wait, while you're here, can you help me? It's faster together. They are at eighty, falling, I need twenty-five, falling as well. Not a half more, preferably less. Sectator fervesco, but I don't need to tell you."

Severus rolled his eyes, but put his bag on the floor and walked over to the working table.

"If it ruins my jacket you'll have to buy me new one."

Libavius nodded.

"Sure. Or you can have my wife, you know, Mag has always been very fond of you. But I'll keep the kid. Align your magic with mine, it's more precise."

Amazed Remus watched both men tapping their left palms together for a second, and then simultaneously bend over the cauldrons. They said nothing, but whatever they did was perfectly synchronic. The fires slowly died down, and the smoke intervals lessened and lessened until there was nothing left and both cauldrons suddenly, with a soft sound, froze over.

Libavius glanced first at one cauldron and then into the other before he tapped his palm against Severus' once more.

"Splendid. Why don't you come more often? I could use you as a back-up all the time, it's wonderful to use your magic as reservoir. Haven't done that in a while. And your jacket is very much intact, you peacock. What happened to your wrist? I know you won't tell me, but you really need to take better care of yourself."

A bit huffed Severus brushed invisible dust off his collar and then skillfully ignored the half of the question.

"If they find someone else to keep my Slytherins from setting fire to the castle I'll be here right away. Not very likely, through."

Libavius shock his head and unbuttoned his lab coat, revealing that he wore a green t-shirt underneath that was slightly stained and clashed badly with his hair colour. He turned to Remus in mock despair.

"What is it with that Hogwarts thing? I never understood, really. Are you from there? I'm from Prague, you know. I just went to school, nothing special, got my education and came here. But you have that boarding school castle-thingy, and I don't understand it. It must be something beyond scarves and dorms, right? Have you been there?"

That explained the faint accent. Remus grinned. "I actually went there together with Severus."

With faked surprised Libavius spun around on his heel. "People who went to school with you still talk to you? I can't imagine. Anyway, then maybe you can explain me what this Hogwarts thing is."

With sudden confidentiality he leaned in.

"You must know that when we were in our second year Severus got in a fight with someone. Now, that's nothing special, he got in fights with everybody all the time. Looking for it, always. But this guy, a master student, stood up and in front of everybody declared him to be a, uh, well, a gay Gryffindor. And what happens? Our Severus challenges him, because, he says, he won't let anybody call him a Gryffindor. Neptune's Quad, six in the morning, all that jazz. We thought, well, that's it, they are going to kill our genius, let's go and pick a coffin. Did we know that all you do in your Hogwarts is duel practise? No. Dear Saint Ivo, what a mess that was. Look at the holes above the lodge, it was a spectacle."

Remus did have an idea how that could have looked like, and he enjoyed seeing that Libavius was still scandalized by the incident. Severus only shock his head.

"Really, stop telling fairy tales. That was ages ago."

Holding up his palms Libavius shock his head.

"Only the truth, that's all. Nobody dared to mess with you afterwards, well, me being the exception, of course."

Displaying a hint of theatrical despair Severus rolled his eyes.

"I wonder what mistake I made there."

Smiling Libavius nodded. "Let's discuss that at my house sometime soon, with dinner. Mag sends her love, and Ezra hates you for being absent for so long. He tried to talk me into flying with him for weeks, but you know, me and brooms, I'd rather not kill my child that quickly. So, come along, bring a broom, stop my son from eating my ears off."

Severus smiled and tried to say something, but Libavius was faster. He seemed to be a chatty person, and not for the first time Remus wondered how on earth he and Severus had become companions. They seemed completely incompatible, but it was very clear that they were comfortable around each other, and Remus was amazed at how easily they had linked their magic. They must have worked together in the past, and rather thoroughly so.

"Anyway, why are you here? You rarely show up these days, no matter how many lovestruck letters I send you."

Looking slightly guilty Severus nodded.

"Yes, I know. Too much work, I'll try to make up for it. Anyway, do you have Hyle for me?"

Surprised Libavius raised an eyebrow.

"Hyle? Of course I have Hyle, I always do. But why do you want it?"

Severus tried to answer, but Libavius was quicker once more.

"Oh, you're not - are you? Tell me you won't."

He took a step towards Severus, hands on his hips. Remus was confused, but he didn't have to wait long.

"What? No, I don't even know what you're talking about."

But Libavius was slightly enraged, taking another step towards Severus until they stood an arm's length away from each other.

"Wolfsbane! I know it! You've gone crazy."

In a beautiful display of acting skills Severus looked utterly confused.

"Wolfsbane? What are you talking about? I'm not brewing wolfsbane. Why should I do that?"

But Libavius was sufficiently shocked and launched into a monologue.

"Because you're a crazy spagyrian, and you're bored and I know you. Hyle! Hyle is needed to for the Opus Magnum and things like that, but what does someone like you do with Hyle? You're not dabbling with the Opus, I know you well, so what can it be? Wolfsbane! You know what happens when you brew things beyond your capacity!"

Slightly offended Severus crossed his arms in front of his chest, but Remus got his question in faster.

"What happens?"

Libavius whipped around.

"Do you know a thing or two about potions? Yes? Great."

Remus was quite sure he hadn't nodded or given any other sign of affirmation, but Libavius didn't care.

"So, a lot of the brewing process actually happens inside one's head. Of course we're properly trained and everything, but that's only the top layer. Every complicated potion needs added magic, and it takes a lot, and the master never gains it back. Hyle requires an especially high amount of added energy, and only few masters work with it all. You can't do that too often! Flamel went all the way through with the Opus, rumours say Dumbledore did it once, but nobody ever did it twice."

Without patience Severus interrupted the flood of words.

"Lib, the Opus is a completely different thing. Wolfsbane is lower ranked, and Belb - "

He didn't get far, now being interrupted himself by Libavius, who with extravagant gestures threw his hands in the air.

"Belby blew the whole building up! And himself, of course. Bang, everything gone!"

Remus was taken by surprise at the sudden outburst of emotion. Severus, however, was apparently used to his colleague's emotional moments.

"Calm down. Belby was old, he might have made a mistake, nobody knows."

Taking his hands down again Libavius combed them through his curls.

"Because there was nothing left! And you don't even have a lab for that in Hogwarts, if I remember correctly."

Severus' nod was strangely encouraging.

"That's correct, the lab in Hogwarts isn't safe enough for something like that. No, I'm just playing around a bit. It's been a while since I worked with Hyle, and you know I can't make it myself."

Still suspicious, but slightly calmer Libavius watched him. Then he sighed.

"You know I'd do almost everything for you, damn you."

Then he turned, and briskly walked out of the door. Severus exhaled visibly when he was gone, but shock his head when Remus opened his mouth. They waited in silence for a short moment. When Libavius returned he carried a small leather pouch.

"Pure Hyle, ready to be fed with work of the lower ranks. I feel like lecturing you on safety measures, but I recall that you passed the master exam with distinction and know all these things. Though I still cringe at the idea of you working with Hyle. You're brilliant, everybody knows that, but your work on Hyle was always lacking."

Severus took the pouch and it vanished into his leather bag. Another bell rang in the background, and Libavius cast a glance at his cauldrons.

"I guess I can't make you stay and supply some of your magic? No? What about a two-hour-temperature-guard?"

Severus smiled.

"No, we need to return to Hogwarts today. I owe you, request whatever you please as long as it's not a temperature-guard right now. You'll see my owl next week."

Shaking his head Libavius placed a hand on Severus shoulder, seemingly not wanting him to leave just yet.

"Tell the damn bird to take the right window, the left one isn't really working anymore. And don't always send the bird, show yourself around here more often. Aurelius is devoid of smart people ever since you left, and time flies so fast. In two years they'll be looking for a spagyrian to fill Ashmole's chair, and you're qualified. Get a grip and come back. They don't really need you at that castle, and you know it."

Then he sighed.

"But I know you won't listen, you never do."

For a moment something like deep regret was visible on Severus face, but it was quickly gone again.

"Yes, I know. I expect things to change, maybe even soon. We will see. Don't blow Aurelius up in the meantime, kiss your wife from me, challenge Morold and please don't try to make that horrible stone."

Libavius grinned.

"Mag will love receiving a kiss from you, that's for sure. I'll owl you with dinner plans."

Severus nodded, held up a hand in a final greeting, and motioned for Remus to leave. They were already out of the door when Libavius called Severus back once more.

"Sev?"

Severus returned, glancing back though the already half-closed door. "Yes?"

Remus heard the Libavius sigh.

"Please be careful."

Severus nodded, closed the door and Remus followed him down the hallway. Without any incidents or unsavoury meetings they left the building, crossed the large Quad where Remus indeed noticed holes in the tower above the portals, crossed their name out of the big book and suddenly stood outside the college. Behind them the large building seemed to quiver for a second, and then only an empty meadow remained.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 19/9/2014

_Possum, sed nolens - I could, but I don't want to_

A lot of things from that chapter will be explained in the next one, though I might not be able to update next week. I'm glad we're finally talking about Alchemy here. And I do like Andreas Libavius, though we won't see much of him in "Fire" from now on.


	8. What a man can do

**What a man can do (and what a man can't do)**

Remus was basically drowning in questions. He examined the empty meadow once more, but there was no sign of any wizarding college or any other kind of building. Severus followed his gaze and understood quickly.

"Actually the idea of hiding Grimmauld Place came to Albus because of St. Aurelius. He's a clever man, our headmaster. It was impressive to see him coming up with the idea and decoding the necessary spells. And, of course, casting them. Though he didn't do that alone. We should move, by the way, people might wonder."

Remus couldn't help but agree - it was strange to see two grown man stare at a meadow. Together they entered the maze of alleyways again.

"Albus didn't do that on his own?"

Severus shock his head, leading them around a corner.

"No, of course not. He is powerful, but tying a spell to a single person is always difficult. What happens if he dies, does Grimmauld Place simply reappear on the map? Far too risky. It's tied to a few people, mostly Order members."

There mere idea that someone had planned for Albus' death made Remus stomach churn.

"Who are the others?"

Severus seemed a bit irritated.

"How can a single person be that curious? Well, I guess it is not a secret. Albus, Minerva, of course, me, a few others. Satisfied?"

Remus head swirled.

"The spell protecting Grimmauld Place is tied to you?"

Disapprovingly Severus clicked his tongue. "Of course it is not tied to me alone, if you would care to listen. I helped decode a few spells and Minerva did the transcribing work to adjust them to the house. We cast them together, everybody carries a bit."

Considering Severus had just a few days ago claimed to not even be a member of the Order it was a bit surprising to know that he helped protect their headquarters. Sirius wouldn't like that at all, having Severus' magic all over his house. Remus couldn't help but smile.

Then his mind returned to their current surroundings. They stood at the edge of the busy street they had just crossed. Above them the bells were ringing, a cacophony of sound indicating it was three in the afternoon.

"I guess we still have some time. I could offer you a quick tour around town, if you wish. Considering you've never been here."

Remus nodded, and then allowed Severus to continue leading him through the town, pointing out libraries and famous colleges, chapels and beautiful courtyards. Well versed in the history of the town and colleges Severus inserted a few dates into his explanations, but also told small anecdotes here and there, slowly revealing information about his days spent as a student. These were what Remus appreciated most. He was curious to glance into a way of life so different from his own that yet still had let down a path not so much unlike to where he was now.

They ended their tour in front of a round library building, and Severus glanced at his wrist-watch.

"Considering that was more history than you expected you probably deserve a break. And answers to the questions you will have. What about a visit to a café?"

For a short moment Remus wondered who had drugged Severus, and why they couldn't do it more often. Minutes later they walked into a beautiful small café with a distinctive european charm, it's window full with intriguing pastries, cakes, scones, tea cakes and french delicacies. It was hot, but Remus couldn't dismiss his growling stomach.

They found a small table in a remote corner and ordered. Severus only requested tea and Remus decided on a small raspberry pastry. Quickly they were served with a large silver tea-pot, delicate cups and saucers and a small plate with Remus' sweets. Severus poured tea for both of them.

"What tea is that?" Remus had allowed Severus to pick a variety of Earl Grey without having any idea what it might be. He couldn't imagine that there would be any kind of Earl Grey he didn't like. This particular version was strong but somehow soft with a flowery taste in the background.

Opening the lid of the pot Severus pointed at the tea leaves in the sieve.

"Cornflower, it's added to the usual Earl Grey mixture. A rare blend, I only know very few places that stock it. There's a tea merchant in Paris selling it. My father used to have it sent all the way. One of the few things he actually had a good taste in."

Remus nodded, took another sip and then occupied himself with his pastry. Severus in the meantime leant back in the chair, crossing his long legs and took inventory of the café. The hint of nostalgia was back in his facial expression, and a certain amount of sadness in his demeanour. Apparently his days in Oxford had been good times for him, better than his current life was. Remus couldn't blame him for it.

Finally the raspberries were gone, and with his inherent courtesy Severus refilled Remus' cup before he poured his own tea. Placing down the delicate cup he leant back.

"Alright. Ask me."

Remus brushed the crumbs of his hands.

"The most pressing question first: how come Andreas Libavius is still alive? He doesn't seem, well, like the kind of person you'd get along with."

If Remus was completely honest Libavius had seemed like the first person Severus would kill if given the chance. Too cheerful and far too caring. To Remus' surprise Severus smiled at the question.

"You're not the first one to wonder. To be honest I don't know either. We were lab partners in our first year. I remember an exploding cauldron, acid eating up my sweater and Lib pulling me underneath a table, and all because he screwed up his calculations. The same day I redid them for him while he picked the metal shards out of my arm. It stayed like that for the next four years. I guess he just decided to love me for some very obscure reason or two, but mostly because he used to suck at calculations."

Remus had no idea what a student lab would look like, but he could easily imagine the red-haired potions master blowing up a gigantic cauldron with acid and a very surprised Severus being pulled under a table. And the ensuing shouting match. But somehow he could also imagining it falling into place, and it brought him back to his own school days and the closeness he had felt with his best friends. Somehow he liked the idea of knowing that Libavius was a person who'd pick remains of exploded cauldrons out of Severus' flesh when necessary. Though he himself was glad that his friends rarely threw hot metal shards or acid at him, even if accidentally.

"I can picture it. He seemed very likable. Did you blow up a lot of things?"

Severus sipped his tea and nodded.

"You practically do nothing else the first years. Alchemy is a dangerous thing, in general, but Lib and me ran some rather insane experiments and had all kinds of, ah, incidents. It was a good time. But you wanted to know more about Oxford."

Actually Remus would have loved to hear more about insane experiments, but he had distant ideas that Severus wouldn't be too fond of giving away even more information.

"Yes, of course. So, St. Aurelius only teaches Alchemy and Arithmetic? Nothing else?"

Severus nodded. "Yes, but St. Aurelius is only one of four wizarding colleges in Oxford. Harold's Hall teaches Divination and rather obscure things, St. Magarets is specialized on Transformation Spells, and Waugh Colleges teaches Magical History and Culture. Every college resides in its own buildings, tucked away somewhere convenient. I've been to Waugh and Maggies, but never to Harold's. The Aurelians consider themselves to be scientists and Harold's Hall to be rather strange and not teaching anything properly scientific. Aurelius is the only college with a close cooperation with the Muggle Colleges, by the way. There are beautiful joint courses, but it was very difficult to find acceptance for them amongst the magical population. Especially the pureblood-idiots were sceptic. Of course they are missing out, but they don't see it that way."

He reached for his cup.

"Are there many pure-blooded students here? You mentioned something earlier."

Remus couldn't remember the name, but Severus nodded and replaced his cup once more without drinking from it.

"Back in my days yes. It's changing, slowly, but it's still an issue. There are scholarships now, luckily, but we still have a long way to go. Hopefully this war will be over soon, and we can finally move on from these idiotic ideas."

Promptly new and different questions rose in Remus head, mostly how a wizard bearing the Dark Mark could call his master's idea idiotic and survive - but he kept them for later.

"Right. Okay, next question. Why didn't Libavius know that you are brewing Wolfsbane and have been doing so for a year now? Why is that a secret? Aren't you missing out on honour and stuff?"

It seemed that Severus abandoned the idea of getting enough time to sip on his tea anytime soon.

"Wolfsbane is complicated, but you know that. When Albus gave me orders to work on it neither he nor I thought I would ever get it to work, to be honest. There was basically nothing known on it, and what existed was mostly wrong. Nobody had worked on it for a long time, it wasn't very prestigious. And it is deemed to be one of the most dangerous potions out there, labeled one of the impossible ones. That's nonsense, of course. It's absolutely possible, but it took a damn lot of work to get it there. And yes, it is dangerous. Which is why I still don't think you should brew it. But it seems that it's not up to me to decide on that."

Severus was silent for a moment and then continued. "Oh, yes, and the honour. Of course I'd like to publish what I did, every man wants praise for his work. But it would raise questions: why does someone at Hogwarts need to brew Wolfsbane? Nobody does it if there isn't a concrete reason. What could my reason be?"

Slowly the pieces in Remus' mind connected.

"Because somebody would figure out that - it's me. You can't tell anybody because my cover would be in danger."

Immediately he had a bad conciousness, but Severus shrugged.

"If anybody understands the need to maintain impressions and keep a cover safe it would be me. Maybe someday society will change and we can openly talk about lycanthropy and those suffering from it. Right now it's not going to happen. I do regret though that I won't be there to witness it. The one time I actually do something useful - but then we all get what we deserve."

Remus tried to say something, but Severs waved it aside. "Don't worry, everything is recorded and stored in safety. When I'm dead my vault at Gringotts will be emptied and the papers will go to Libavius. He can make sure that everybody can profit from it."

Whatever Remus had wanted to say vanished from his mind. He was impressed by the cool logic with which Severus had done everything that needed to be done regarding his death, and that he spoke about it while sitting comfortably reclined in a beautiful café. But he also remembered the Severus' trembling hands and the pain in his eyes.

"I must admit it's logical, but still - "

But he couldn't finish his sentence. Severus interrupted him without remorse.

"Spare us. Something else you'd like to know?"

Remus gritted his teeth. He hated being cut off, but it seemed that he wouldn't get anywhere proclaiming his worry. And Severus was not a man open for discussion. But then maybe it would make more sense to keep their private conversation to private spaces. Or opium dens.

"Don't think I will drop it that easily. But for now, okay. Two more questions: what exactly is this Hyle you got from Libavius, and what is - spa - I forgot the full word."

Absent-minded tapping the table with his fingers Severus nodded.

"Right. Quick answer to the latter on: Spagyric is the branch of Alchemy dealing with healing potions. Also the branch I'm specialised in, and you might already have picked up that it isn't the most fancy field of Alchemy. Spagyric is a rather thankless task, requiring much patience and precision, but not yielding immortal fame or money. Libavius tends to mock me for it, but he works on the Opus Magnum which of course is the golden boy of Alchemy, the thing for which there is money, projects, scholarships. But Spagyric is a beautiful subject, and Paracelsus once claimed that it is the highest rank of Alchemy possible."

Somehow Remus thought it strangely fitting that Severus would specialise in healing potions. Doing something good after causing so much harm, maybe? Or rather true fascination? From everything he had learned about the way Severus worked patience and precision sounded at lot like him. At least as long as only ingredients and no living being were involved.

"So I wasn't only lucky to find a potions master at Hogwarts but even one with a specialisation in healing potions?"

Shrugging Severus nodded. "I guess you could say that. On to Hyle, which is a bit more complicated to explain. Hyle is alchemical matter on the preliminary stage before it becomes Materia Prima, also called Sol Niger. Materia Prima is the basis for the Opus Magnum, which you'd call the philosophers' stone. I'll not go into depth here, but these are the basic ideas. You're still with me?"

Remus nodded, sorting through Severus' sentences in his mind.

"Good, then here's the complicated thing: Hyle is primordial alchemical matter, in concentrated form. Which basically means that it is concentrated Nothing, and only so-called work can transform it into something. Hyle is the basic ingredient for a few things, mostly complicated and highly potent potions, and Wolfsbane is one of them. That in itself is very rare, because spagyric work usually never relies on Hyle. Anyway, Hyle is highly reactive, but in itself completely neutral. It only changes and takes on shape when energy and potency in form of magic is supplied to it from the outside. That makes working with it slightly dangerous and taxing, because it works like a sponge and drains everything from the master. The only thing even more complicated is making Hyle, because it is created out of nothingness. The quality of Hyle is highly dependent on the magic of its creator, which is why I always have to go and plead with Lib. His Hyle is absolutely perfect and pure."

Somehow Remus felt like taking notes while listening to the spontaneous lecture. He would need to look these things up in his Alchemy book back at Hogwarts, but he understood the basic ideas. The only question Severus hadn't answered was why he wasn't creating Hyle himself - did it have something to do with the security of his Hogwarts lab? Or was there something else?

But before Remus could ask Severus had emptied his teacup, glanced at his watched and made motions for them to leave.

"It's already five, we should return. I still have work today."

Somehow Severus always seemed to have work, but Remus only nodded, and while he drank up his remaining tea he didn't even have a chance to pay his half of the bill. Standing outside the café he searched for his own wallet, but Severus refused to be reimbursed.

"I hate taking money from people, it's a thing."

Surprised Remus shrugged and smiled. He wasn't one to turn down an invitation, but maybe that had something to do with the fact that he was eternally broke and half-starving. Following Severus back along the busy main road he took in his surroundings once more. He was fairly certain he would find the way back to meadow, should it become necessary one day.

When they arrived back at the public apparition corner Remus almost felt a pang of not wanting to leave. Severus always seemed much more relaxed the further away from Hogwarts they got, and he wasn't quite ready to get the sour-silent potions master back.

"Thanks for the tour, by the way. And weren't we lucky with the weather?"

Severus nodded, sorting through his leather bag quickly, apparently looking for something.

"Yes, especially since the Prophet announced thunderstorms for today. Oxford is beautiful in this light, but it can get really dreary in winter, with the slush and rain. But then I guess there's no place where rain is beautiful."

Nodding Remus agreed, and stepped into the apparition corner. He was glad that he could apparate back on his own. He prefered being in control about his own whereabouts, and unlike most wizards his skills in apparition were solid and had never failed him.

Seconds later he stood on the small clearing inside the forbidden forest, and immediately felt the rain falling down on him. He moved just in time to give Severus space to appear next to him and couldn't help but grin at the other's disappointed face.

"Maybe it wouldn't have rained if you hadn't mentioned the weather."

To Remus' surprise Severus took well to being teased and only frowned.

"I can assure you that divination isn't my strong side. Let's go before we're wet to the bone."

But there was no chance to stay dry in that weather. They must have missed the thunderstorm by minutes, but the strong rain poured down even more the further they came towards the outskirts of the forest. When they reached the final line of trees both were wet to their skin, and they stopped underneath a large beech tree with a thick crown providing at least a bit of shelter.

Remus felt the cold on his back, seeping through his thin t-shirt. The oppressive heat of the past days suddenly seemed to have made way for a rather typical british summer, wet and cool. Severus seemed to be a bit warmer, wearing one layer more with a jacket over his t-shirt. But otherwise he was just as wet as Remus, black hair dripping with water. He didn't seem to feel cold, though, staring out into the rain and absently minding snapping the fingers of his left hand, producing a small green flame that went out again immediately.

Snap, flame, flame out. Snap, flame, flame out.

Until Remus couldn't help himself any longer.

"Merlin, stop it already, you're driving me crazy. Your fidgeting is not going to make the rain stop, we'll have to wait for a bit longer. What did you say about patience?"

Rolling his eyes Severus crammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"Don't have patience for standing around mindlessly. I hate wasting time."

Remus shock his head disapprovingly.

"Then do something useful. Teach me how the flame thing works, for example."

Pulling his left hand out Severus snapped his fingers again, and the green flame appeared. "This one?" The flame went out again.

"Yes, that one. Can I learn that?"

Severus shrugged. "It's just a small trick, you've never tried it before?" Remus shock his head again.

"Really? I thought everyone tries it once when they are around fifteen and think they are cool. Though it doesn't work for most, some people just can't perform wandless magic. It helps if someone tells you how to do the mental part."

"Who taught you?"

It took Severus a while to answer, his gaze once more lost in the rain.

"My father. But that was long ago."

They stood in silence for a moment, rain still falling without pause.

"So, can I learn it?"

Apparently Severus' thoughts had been everywhere but not close to their tree. He needed a solid minute before he focused on Remus again, annoyed at himself passing a hand through his wet hair.

"If you've never done wandless magic I don't know. As I said, some people just can't channel their magic without a wand. But usually it's visible in your magical signature. It's useful to check there, because you won't waste time teaching someone who'll never be able to do it anyway."

That made sense. It probably also saved people from frustration.

"The magical signature is what makes tracing spells back to wizards possible, right? How can you read that?"

"Yes, almost, but there's more to it. The magical signature is a bit like your DNA. A lot of things are already fixed, from the intensity and power of your magic to the channels through which you can access and guide it. Traces can be found in spells, but in its totality it can only be read inside the person which owns it."

Somehow Remus didn't like the idea of that. "So you look inside someone, with a legilimens or something?" Being read like a sheet of paper held up to the light wasn't high on his list of things he wanted to do in his life.

"Do you know anything about Legilimency at all? Apparently not. A legilimens opens up the view on the conscious level of the mind, on a person's thoughts. The magical signature is much deeper, on a subconscious level. You've never seen your own, have you?"

Relived that it had nothing to do with Legilimency Remus shock his head.

"No, of course not. How does it reveal itself? Do you need to put cheese into a trap?"

Now even Severus had to fight a small smile.

"Almost, though the cheese, in that case, has to be a different magical entity. A magical signature hardly shows itself, there's nothing to see, only to feel. It can be read from the outside, because you can never understand your own."

Remus' grin widened. "Cheese, as I said."

"More like 'Show me yours, I'll show you mine.'" Severus' voice was dry as bone, but there was some amusement in his eyes.

"And can you do that, look at my signature and tell me if I can do wandless magic?"

Severus nodded, and Remus was suitably impressed.

"How come you know how to do all these obscure things? Who teaches you that stuff?"

For a second Severus seemed a bit taken aback, but then he shock his head. "Trust me if I say that you do not want the answer to that question."

For another moment he looked out into the rain that seemed to cease just a bit. Then he turned fully to Remus.

"Are you really sure you want to do that? It would be useful, because you will need to work on wandless magic if you want to learn how to brew properly. That is going to be quite some work for you, but there's no way around it."

Now a bit excited Remus nodded. It sounded too fascinating to turn the opportunity down.

"Sure, we'll be standing around here for a while anyway. And if it's necessary, why not now?"

Shrugging Severus raised his left hand.

"Usually some sort of body contact is needed, in generally just touching hands works fine. You are really sure?"

Already raising his hand Remus halted. "You've asked twice now. Can anything happen?"

"Of course not, it's completely harmless. But I meant to ask Minerva to do it with you, it would have been more pleasant for you. As I said, if I want to see your signature I have to show you mine."

Shrugging Remus placed his palm against Severus'. His skin was cool from the rain, but not as ice-cold as it had been days ago in the corridor.

"And can I read yours?"

Severus shock his head. "No, but you'll feel it."

Smiling Remus searched for his eyes. "That does sound slightly indecent." To his surprise Severus grinned for a second, but got serious again immediately.

"Almost, yes. It's strange to be wrapped into someone else's power. Anyway. Just close your eyes and relax, there's nothing to see in any case. Control your breathing and let it happen. Remember that you cannot control anything. And don't be afraid."

He was silent for a second, and then added an afterthought.

"My magic isn't friendly, but nothing will harm you."

Remus nodded, suddenly feeling his heartbeat speeding up. As Severus had ordered him to he closed his eyes, concentrated on his breathing, listening to the rain around them and feeling Severus' hand pressed to his own palm.

At first nothing happened. But then the sound of the rain seemed to fade out slowly, and where the contact to Severus' skin had been something else was. It felt as if Severus' himself, his physical presence seemed to grow and unfold, as if he was releasing something he had kept inside him for a long time.

For a second Remus felt as if he couldn't breath properly. He felt wrapped into a field of pure power, felt as if he would be blinded by a strong light if he would open his eyes. But he kept them firmly closed, feeling the hairs in his neck and on his arms rise.

It was as if he could swim through the field of energy around him, move in the heat and light, absolutely weightless. But then he felt something else, moving inside this pool of blinding light, something dark and immensely powerful, like a hungry beast. It seemed to live just below the surface, rippling invisible waves, and Remus knew that it was some kind of very old and dark magic, powerful beyond what he could comprehend. There was something like a black epicenter, a strong current, but as strong as the undertow was he didn't feel endangered by it. His inner eye looked at it calmly, his breathing still controlled.

Out of nowhere there was something in his ear, a dark and velvet voice whispering, in languages he didn't understand. It's was a strange melody, and suddenly he felt very much protected, safe from whatever could happen.

And then, out of nowhere, he felt something inside him stir, reacting to the power wrapped around him. It was a small spark at first, but it grew at an extraordinary pace, suddenly surrounding him. At the same time the pool of light he felt himself swimming in retreated, tempting his inner spark to grow further and replace it. For a second he felt the void of the warmth, but then he felt his own power taking over, surrounding him. The voice in his ear changed, now replaced by what he felt was himself speaking, telling him everything he knew and everything he had forgotten and everything he needed to hear. He moved in his own light with the same ease as before, but just as he felt completely at home once more he realized that now, too, something else was there. Just below the surface, below the light something dark lived, tingeing the light with blackness. It took Remus a few seconds, but then he saw the wolf, clearing moving, black against the bright background, for all eternity entangled with his magic. His own void, a soft undertow, always there.

He was surprised at the power of his own light, the way it perfectly wrapped around him, soft and just as protecting as he had felt before.

Then he felt it shrinking again, returned into its former hidden state, and all that remained was the sound of the pounding rain, suddenly loud again in his ears. For a moment all Remus did was standing there, breathing as controlled as he could, feeling Severus' hand in his own.

He only opened his eyes again when Severus drew back his hand, but it took a long time until Remus could speak. Around them nothing had changed.

"That was - impressive."

He wasn't sure how to phrase it, but Severus, his hands again in his pockets, nodded.

"Always is, though the feeling changes depending on who does it. Albus uses signature reading for a variety of things, and it never ceases being intense."

Now that was something Remus could imagine. Or not. How would it feel to be wrapped into the power of one of the strongest wizards of all time? Blinding, probably. And warm.

"Is his magic as pure as I imagine?"

But to Remus surprise Severus shock his head. "No, nobody's really is. Everybody has a dark spot, somewhere. Hardly anybody is fully dark, though."

Remus thought of the darkness he had felt in Severus' magic, the ancient power underneath the surface. And then something in his mind clicked.

"What you said about Hyle earlier, and how it's pureness depends on the magic of its creator -"

Severus seemed impressed. "Yes?"

Searching for words to phrase what he was thinking without inflicting hurt Remus needed a moment.

"You can't create Hyle because it wouldn't be pure?"

Satisfied Severus nodded. "Good thinking. Yes. Soiled magic doesn't create pure things. Power isn't anything in this world, you see."

Remus desperately wanted to ask the one question burning in his mind, but he couldn't. Instead he went for something else he had noticed.

"You said your magic wasn't friendly, but it didn't feel that way to me. It was rather overwhelming, but not dangerous. It felt familiar."

For a moment he considered telling Severus that he had actually felt safe and protected, but somehow he wanted to keep at least that knowledge for himself. Still glancing into the rain Severus seemed surprised.

"How unusual."

Then he felt silent again, staring out into the rain while Remus tried to sort through everything he felt without really getting anywhere.

Finally Severus broke the silence.

"You should be able to perform wandless magic, by the way."

Excited Remus pulled his thoughts back into reality. "Really?"

"Yes. Theoretically your magic should lend itself easily to it. You're more powerful than I thought."

Flattered Remus smiled. He had never thought of himself being a powerful wizard, but he knew he could do a lot, and that there was a chance for wandless magic delighted him. He didn't like to admit it, but he always felt slightly jealous watching Severus randomly perform very advanced magic without even thinking.

"And you can teach me?"

But Severus shock his head. "Not really. I can tell you theoretically how it works, but you'll have to practise. It's like apparating, you have to get it yourself to really do it."

That hardly did anything to slow Remus' enthusiasm.

"Great, so, go ahead."

Rolling his eyes Severus removed his hands from his pockets. He snapped once, and the green flame appeared.

"This is a basic Incendere, nothing special. But instead of using your wand to control the energy and channel the magic you use your hands. It's doesn't matter if you snap your fingers or not, by the way. Wandless magic is highly individual, you have to find something that works for you. Lucius used his index finger and imagined it was a wand, that worked for him. Snapping was my way, but I learnt it as a child."

Remus examined his index finger. "That could work, but snapping your fingers is much cooler, of course."

Grinning Severus nodded. "Apparently I thought so, too."

Waving his index finger Remus tried to think of the Incendere while not feeling to stupid. The first and second time nothing happened, but the third time he felt a tingling sensation in his hands.

"Is tingling a good sign? And doesn't the flame hurt?" He tried it again, but no flame appeared.

"I guess so." Severus snapped his fingers, looked critically at the flame, and then let it disappear again. "Yes, there might be a tingle. Never thought about that before. But why should the flame hurt? The tip of your wand doesn't burn either."

That made sense. "But how does it feel if it doesn't burn?"

Severus shrugged, but then grinned. "Let's see. Do it again." Duly Remus performed the movement, and the second he was done and said "Incendere" Severus snapped his finger and in a quick movement placed the flame on top of Remus fingertip.

Surprised Remus stared at his burning finger. Slowly the flame changed it's colour from green to gold, but it stayed steady and firm. Very carefully Remus moved his finger, and then realized that he could change the intensity and height of the flame. But all the time his hands tingled like mad, and finally he couldn't stand the sensation any longer and with a silent "Finite" the flame was gone.

"Aha. So the magic is there, you simply lack control. Just practise, it'll work one day."

Fascinated Remus examined his finger, which obviously wasn't burnt in the slightest.

"Amazing. How long do you think I'll have to work?"

Severus shrugged. "Might take a while. Finally the rain is getting less."

He was right, and seconds later they left their shelter underneath the tree and made their way down the wet path towards the castle. They reached the Grand Portal in silence. Remus was thinking further plans to practise wandless magic through, and what was going on in Severus' mind was indecipherable as always.

Halfway up the stairs they were greeted by Sirius coming out of the castle.

"Remus! I've been looking for you, but nobody knew where you went. I just returned for a night. Where did you go?"

He cast a disapproving glance at Severus who was tagging behind a bit.

"And since when do you keep such a bad company?"

Remus basically felt Severus roll his eyes, but apparently he wasn't in the mood for a fight. Passing by Remus with only a curt nod he ignored Sirius completely and walked through the Great Portal where he vanished. Remus was halfway annoyed at Sirius for interrupting the surprisingly open conversation he was having with Severus. On the other hand meeting Andreas Libavius had kindled a certain kind of nostalgia in Remus' chest, and he was glad to see his best friend.

Together they climbed up the stairs towards Remus' private quarters where they spent the evening on the couch, emptying more than one bottle of red wine and talking about everything, past and present. And when Remus was completely informed about current proceedings they finally succumbed to their shared nostalgia, retelling their old stories and anecdotes. It was long past midnight until Sirius returned to his own rooms and Remus curled up in bed, utterly drunk and smiling about things that were long gone and would never return.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 29/9/2014

_Paracelsus (1493 - 1541) called the making of healing medicines the true purpose of Alchemy, replacing what he called the "rude pursuit for gold" with the more noble idea of helping and healing. Spagyric is greek, roughly meaning "to separate and combine", which hints to the fact that basic procedures of spagyric work take plants apart and then combine them anew to produce medical effects. That didn't stop Paracelsus from becoming the founding father of the branch of chemistry called Toxicology today. He also came up with the name for zinc and the basic idea that some illnesses could be rooted in psychological issues. Clever man, but turned very bitter at the end of his life. His personality is also described as very stubborn, independent and arrogant. Rumour also has it that he came up with one of the first painkillers, laudanum, but that has never been proven. His personal motto was said to be "Alterius non sit qui suus esse potest" - "No man should belong to another when he but belongs to himself". Maybe he's Severus' personal patron saint? _


	9. No room for innocence

**No room for innocence**

With Sirius back in Hogwarts breakfast turned into a long affair. It just didn't seem logic to Sirius that he should hurry just because Remus wanted to lock himself up in a laboratory with the most unsavoury person in the whole castle.

"Damn it, Remus, sit still, you're annoying me. It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, the damn birds are humming their horrific tunes and there are fresh muffins for breakfast. I'm not going to let you leave for the library or your desk just yet. Far too early! And look, there are Albus and Minerva."

Annoyed Remus put down his mug and fiercely threw another spoon of sugar into his tea.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. This wolfsbane thing is hideously complicated, I swear."

Shrugging Sirius helped himself to another muffin.

"At least it keeps the bat in the dungeons and far away from me, that's all I want."

Remus' not quite friendly reply was lost in the greetings from Albus and Minerva who, conveniently, arrived at the table that very minute.

"Good Morning, Sirius, Remus. Lovely that our beautiful summer sunshine is back, isn't it? Did anybody else hear the thunderstorm last night?"

Remus filled the mug Minerva held out for him while Albus heaped fruit salad into his bowl and topped it with yoghurt and a huge amount of honey.

"No, I slept like a stone."

Replacing the honey pot Albus smiled.

"You're working too hard, Remus. I'm not sure if spending so much time with Severus is good for you."

Trying to smile and silently praying that he wouldn't blush like a thirteen-year-old Remus nodded and ignored the worried glance Sirius cast in his direction. Minerva nodded in agreement.

"Spending time with Severus isn't helpful for anybody. At least I always feel slightly dim and lazy on top. And emotionally stable, which isn't that bad."

Sirius grinned, but then shaded his eyes and drew a face. His chair had the best view on the Forbidden Forest, and apparently he had seen something he didn't like.

"Speaking of the devil."

He pointed into the general direction of the forest, and everybody craned their necks. What they saw was a tall figure emerging from the shadows, slowly walking towards the castle and then vanishing from view due to the incline of the path. Minerva squinted.

"Is that really Severus? I didn't know he had even left last night."

Albus shrugged, but his gaze was steady on the tall figure until it disappeared from sight. Sirius rolled his eyes, but stayed silent. Albus gaze was still fixed on the now empty pathway, and Remus had the sneaking suspicion that he was doing far more than absent-minded staring into the landscape.

And he was right. Not even minutes later Severus appeared at the entrance to the orchard. But he didn't move towards the table. Staring back at Albus he crossed his arms on front of his chest, visibly annoyed. The frown on Albus' face deepened.

"Do I have to yell at you across the orchard?"

Severus snorted.

"You just yelled at me across the whole damn grounds, thank you for the headache."

Sirius looked confused, but Minerva tried to smile as neutral as possible.

"Good morning, Severus, why won't you join us?"

Without giving up his annoyed stance he moved a bit closer to the table, but visibly wasn't in the mood to join them for a relaxed breakfast. He must have indeed been away all night, still wearing elegant evening wear. His black frock coat was unbuttoned, revealing a dark brocade waistcoat and white shirt, the gleam of a delicate watch chain the only bright thing on the whole ensemble.

Coming to a standstill meters away from the table Severus shock his head.

"Thank you, no. I will retire."

But Albus wasn't done.

"Where have you been?"

Apparently that was a question Severus hadn't wanted to hear.

"Private business. Anything else?"

Still sitting silent and watching the unfolding of events Remus sipped his tea once more. Putting down his mug he sniffed almost involuntarily, and the earthy scent of opium hit him. No wonder Severus wasn't in the mood for breakfast.

And apparently Albus realized something similar that very moment. Without saying anything he got up, and with few steps closed the distance between Severus and him.

Wordlessly they stood facing each other, watched by the three remaining occupants of the table. For a moment nothing happened, but then Remus saw a shift in Severus facial expression, lines appearing on his forehead for a second. They were gone again quickly.

"I want to talk to you this afternoon. Come to my office at two."

There was something like disappointment in Albus' voice, but it was very faint and almost overridden by his discontent. He sounded like he chided a student, and for a moment Remus wondered whether Severus took well to being talked to like that.

It became immediately clear that he didn't.

"Stop yelling at me in my head, or I won't come anywhere anytime soon. And now excuse me."

Without further formalities he turned on his heel and stalked out of the garden, ignoring the surprised glances from the table and Albus' half-formed reply.

A few seconds Albus stood where he had been, watching Severus' retreating back. Then he sighed, turned around and returned to the table. Sitting down his face still clearly showed that he was dissatisfied with the outcome of the situation, but when Minerva carefully inquired he all but shock his head.

Luckily the morning newspaper arrived at that precise moment, and the bold headline "Scandal at the Ministry - Leak in the upper ranks! Top security information gone astray!" occupied everybodys attention quickly. Even Albus took the offered part of the newspaper, visibly glad the he could then join the conversation on this new development.

A few hours later Remus stood in front of the wooden lab door, knocking three times, and finding the door locked. It was obviously that Severus wasn't there, and he didn't appear in the five minutes Remus waited for him in the corridor. He felt disappointed and lucky at the same time, hoping that at least he'd be spared Severus' obviously sour temper. He was probably still asleep.

So instead of brewing Remus decided on spending the afternoon in the library. He still had many questions concerning Hyle, and reading up on them wouldn't hurt in the slightest. He still had time he could spent with these things, but in a few weeks he'd have to return to his own subjects and start preparing lessons for the new year. It was just as well that he would now indulge himself with his new favorite subject.

In the cool darkness of the library Remus had the pick of free working spaces. Nobody was there, after all, and he decided on a table tucked away in the Herbology section. Calling a few books on Alchemy to him he settled down and concentrated on the chapter before him.

It took almost an hour before he noticed that he wasn't alone at all. Only when a few bookcases to his right something fell to the ground and the noise disturbed his work he took notice of his surroundings. Curiosity got the better of him again, and as silently as he could he got up and made his way around the bookcases.

Three rows towards the entrance he discovered Severus. For a moment Remus felt mortally offended - after all he had been stood up. He considered marching over and yelling, but he discarded the idea quickly when he realized that Severus was absolutely lost in concentration.

The man hadn't even realised that one of his pencils had dropped to the ground, providing the noise that had come to Remus attention. In front of him he had three large tomes, heavy and completely covered in dust. Besides a black bound notebook and a few parchment scrolls a modern looking dictionary lay in front of him, and he seemed to translate a passage of text from one of the books, from time to time double-checking in the other two gigantic volumes and vigorously flicking through the dictionary.

Remus only saw parts of his shoulders and back, but he had changed into a more normal clothing and looked as if he had at least taken a long shower. But evn from behind Remus noticed his slightly slumped back, indicating that maybe he hadn't slept as much as it would have done him good.

For a moment Remus pondered his options, and then decided on letting it slide. Silently he walked back to his own desk, sitting down and picking up his own work. There would be another day for lab work, and at least he would now be able to tease Severus with his forgetfulness.

Turning his mind back to his own work he tried to concentrate again. But it was more difficult this time, his mind too aware of Severus' presence in the same room, his ears involuntarily picking up every sound - a turned page, scratching sounds of pencil on paper, even deep breathing.

Minutes later their shared solitude was interrupted. Remus heard the large doors to the library open, and then steps on the stone floor, determined picking their way through the rows of shelves. For some odd reason Remus felt the disturbance on a level that went far beyond simply being interrupted in his work - as if it were something intimate to share a library with someone sitting meters away.

Silently Remus hoped that whoever had walked into the library would quickly find their book and leave. But he was out of luck. The steps crossed the library, and came to a halt right where following Remus' orientation Severus was sitting.

Then he heard Albus' calm voice.

"Here you are. Why didn't you come to my office?"

It took a while for Severus to answer. "What time is it?"

Remus heard the sound of creaking wood. Apparently Albus had sat down on a bench or chair.

"It's half past four already."

The sound of rustling paper and a large volume being shut were the answer.

"Thought it was about two. And I forgot about Lupin, he won't be delighted."

More sound of rustling paper and the closing of books, and then Albus voice, calm but not gentle.

"Do you really think you could run away from me?"

A very short moment of silence, and a final book being closed.

"If I could, do you think I'd still be here?"

Suddenly it dawned on Remus that he was eavesdropping on something that probably was very private. But there was no chance he could vanish without anybody noticing him. And the library was a public space, more or less.

"That makes me sound as if I were Tom Riddle."

There was something beyond the calm and controlled patience in Albus' voice, and Remus wasn't sure he liked it.

"Considering your use of legilimency this morning I wouldn't put that thought away too quickly."

Remus tried not to inhale too sharply. He wasn't sure if anybody had ever compared Albus to the insane dark wizard, but he'd know in an instance whether Severus would survive it or not.

"Severus."

That was all, and it seemed to be enough.

"So what do you want to hear, then?"

There was just enough rebellion in Severus' voice that Remus picked up on it. The wood creaked.

"What about the truth, for example? You vanish at night but tell me that you are away on some private matters, you return home looking ragged and high as a kite. What are you doing? Answer."

The wood creaked again, and Remus tried to breathe as silently as possible.

"Private business, as I told you. It has nothing to do with Voldemort or the order."

Albus' voice changed from calm to more agitated, more determined, but also more dominant.

"And what are you taking? I know your history, and you're smoking again. Opium, cocaine, what is it that time? And don't lie to me, you know I will find out the truth."

For Remus' ears Albus sounded very much like his own father reading him the riot act before things became uncomfortable.

"Opium. And if you ever break into my mind against my declared will I will drop everything and leave."

It was clear that Severus meant what he was saying, and Remus heard in Albus' reply that there was history to this remark.

"I promised you I wouldn't, and I stand by my word. But I have to protect people, and although you hate it you are one of them. Although I feel like I have to protect you from yourself most of time." There was a short pause and then Albus continued. "Why Opium? You've already ruined yourself, why continue beyond that? Think about the future."

Remus' heard the silent laugh, laced with pure acid.

"What are you talking about? There is no future. Maybe for the order, certainly not for me."

Surprised Remus leant forward a bit. He hadn't expected Severus' to go into details this quickly. But Albus ignored what turned out to be a perfectly placed bait.

"What are you hiding?"

There was silence.

"Finally we've arrived at the point of the matter. Do you not trust me?"

It didn't seem to be a question at all.

"Don't forget who you are."

It was a sentence like a slap in the face, brutally spoken, without any grace or softness to it. Shocked Remus sucked in air. According to the sounds Severus had jumped up from his bench, but his voice was surprisingly steady, yet low, silky and very dangerous. His words dripped to the ground like poison.

"What exactly I am is burnt into my flesh, carved into my skin, for the world to see. There is no need to remind me of that. But maybe you need to be reminded of it, and consider whether you can cope with what I am or not."

Then Remus heard him turn on his heel, and then his quick steps echoed through the room.

"Severus!"

But Albus yelled in vain, and seconds later the heavy door of the library was slammed shut with such a force that Remus' table vibrated. In the following silence Albus' exasperating sigh seemed much louder than usual. Then Remus heard his slow steps on the stone floor, the door opening and closing much softer than before, and he was gone. Remus was alone in the library once more.

But that didn't quite help with his concentration. The room seemed to still vibrate with the harsh words spoken and the silent threats and emotions, and once more Remus felt himself wondering how exactly the connection between Severus and Albus worked. It didn't help that the chapter on Hyle in front of him seemed to become more complicated with every sentence. It didn't take him long to face the fact that he wouldn't get any work done anytime soon, and so he collected his notebook, and decided to find a more comfortable space. It was a beautiful day, after all, and it was no use wasting it inside.

Not even fifteen minutes later he was on his way up the stairs to the astronomy tower, book in his hand, with the honest intention to spent the remaining time till dinner perched on the stones in the sun, enjoying the beautiful view and indulging in a new essay collection from his favorite muggle author.

Pushing open the wooden door he walked onto the outdoor platform and stopped dead in his tracks. Seated on the right end of the large stone balustrade, with his back against the warm stones of the tower walls sat Severus, long legs stretched in front of him, feet crossed at the ankles. He held a small leather-bound volume in one hand, and balanced a halfway smoked cigarette in the other. Looking up from his reading he stared at Remus with the same surprise on his face that Remus felt.

"Were you looking for me?"

Shaking his head Remus crossed the platform and stood next to Severus at the balustrade, placing his own book on the warm stone. Carelessly Severus flicked the ash from his cigarette away.

"Actually I was looking for a place to read. Great minds think alike, I guess."

Severus' only reaction was a raised eyebrow before he took a drag. The wind carried the exhaled smoke away quickly.

"Apologies for forgetting about our appointment."

Surprised Remus blinked. He never expected to hear an apology from Severus once in his life, and here it was, spoken easily, as if Severus ran around being honest and formal and friendly all day. His rage seemed to have dried up quickly. This was getting stranger by the minute.

"It's fine, I gather you were still asleep. Spent the night at opium den, right?"

Surprised Severus looked up, but Remus supplied the explanation immediately.

"Opium has a strong smell, it was rather obvious. At least to me."

Pensively Severus nodded, but instead of answering he simply took another drag from his cigarette. Remus picked his own book up again and climbed on the balustrade. Throwing a scrutinising glance over the stone rail and registering the height of the tower he decided to keep his legs firmly on the inside.

"Afraid of heights?"

Remus grinned.

"Usually not, but this is really high. Falling down wouldn't be a desirable outcome. And I think flying without a broom is rather unlikely. And illegal."

Severus exhaled smoke once more.

"As if anybody would care. Unsupported flying isn't as difficult as it seems, really. Learning it isn't fun, though, as you actually need someone to push you over the edge. Though Voldemort is more than happy to take the lead."

Now that was something Remus could imagine, Voldemort pushing someone down a cliff and calling it a lesson.

"Been thrown off something?"

It was supposed to be a joke, but Severus simply nodded and shrugged.

"Seems to be the only way to learn it."

It took a while for Remus to make sense of that.

"Are you telling me that Voldemort taught you how to fly? Unsupported flight? That's insane."

Grinning Severus exhaled smoke again.

"It's also fun, at least after you get over the fact that someone just pushed you off a tower. Don't even try, I won't show you. And don't run and tell Albus, he wouldn't be amused."

That was a lot of information in a very short amount of time, and somehow Remus remained sceptic. Unsupported flight was something a lot of people had been thinking about for a long time, and also one of the few things forbidden by a strict magical law. One doesn't fly or mess with time, period. On the other hand rules were something Voldemort hadn't ever shown a greater respect for.

"I can imagine Voldemort throwing someone off a cliff, but actually teaching something?"

That was an absurd idea. Voldemort was a monster, not a teacher or someone who was likely to share his knowledge. But Severus shrugged again and examined the remains of his cigarette.

"You just arrived at one of the core problems the order has. Voldemort might not be quite human any longer, but he used to be very different. How do you think so many decided to follow his lead? Today they are insane, but back in the days it was something entirely different. Today they pillage, plunder and kill without much thought."

That didn't seem very credible to Remus.

"And back then they pillaged, plundered and killed with added thought and philosophical theory to it?"

Slightly annoyed Severus threw the bud of his cigarette over the balustrade and watched it vanish in the depth.

"Of course not, the murdering part was always rather pointless. But there were other things that were much more important."

Remus felt himself running out of patience.

"Other things? What other things? I can't even imagine what you're talking about."

Reaching up to his left ear Severus produced a fresh cigarette he must have kept tucked there, in the process accidentally freeing a few strands of black hair he then brushed out of his face.

"Yes, and that is a typical problem the order has. Nobody can imagine how tempting these things were, how alluring Voldemort's call once was. And for some still is. You're underestimating him gravely, his charisma and attraction. He is powerful, that is seductive in itself, but he also has knowledge and he passed both, knowledge and power, on to those joining his ranks. There's an attraction of doing evil you cannot imagine. Especially for those of my generation when the difference between what we were taught and what reality was had large gaps. He could bridge those."

Something inside Remus' mind refuse to belive that. How could Voldemort's call ever be seductive? How could doing wrong, causing pain, murdering be deemed worthwhile?

"What difference?"

It surprised Remus how determined Severus was. Apparently he had spent a lot of time thinking about these things, and was willing to share them.

"Reality and upbringing. Purebloods were, and still are taught that they are the natural born rulers, and it's thrown at their heads until they belive it. But then reality come with the moment they arrive here, and more likely then not they end up being Slytherins. Inside their house the hierarchy still works, but outside they are considered to be evil, and not worth mingling with. It's even worse when they leave the school finally. Isn't any Slytherin a dark wizard or witch by definition? Something becomes the truth when you hear it often enough. And then Voldemort calls to them, telling them that yes, it's right - they are the better ones, they are born to rule, they are powerful. And evil, and all of that is very attractive, seductive and mysterious."

To Remus that sounded like looking for excuses.

"So society is to blame and not the one who carries the wand and casts the curse?"

Sighing Severus rested his head against the stone wall behind him.

"I never said that. But a movement like the Death Eaters doesn't appear out of nothingness. Context is so important, but it's blatantly ignored. But no surprise - how many percent of the order members are Gryffindors? It's a privilege that can be used, and most of them use it. Many of Voldemort's followers think of this fight as vengeance, sweetly after a long time, taking back what's supposed to be theirs."

Slowly Remus managed to sort through his many thoughts, but the result didn't please him in the slightest.

"And what about simply letting the past be the past and moving on? Vengeance is such a stupid concept."

Severus nodded, but raised an eyebrow. "You overestimate the personal greatness of many of us."

Both stayed silent for a while. Remus still tried to sort through his thoughts, but he couldn't find an outcome he liked. He thought about the many lives already lost in this war, the suffering of all these that he knew - James and Lilly, then Sirius in Azkaban, nearly losing his mind and life. He thought of the others he had known and knew, and his own luck or fate. And now Severus was telling him that those who clearly were victims in his mind could actually have done something wrong? That the system that had supported him for so long was at fault?

"Why are you telling me that now?"

It didn't really make sense, yet, but Remus already knew that he would spent hours thinking the concept through. As reply Severus simply shrugged.

"Probably because you're listening, and no order member usually listens to what I say. Wrong time wrong place for you."

That, actually, was a truth Remus could only agree with. No order member would listen to Severus, mainly because his standing in the order was still highly disputed. His security amongst the order members was mostly built on Albus' protection and the sneaking suspicion some had that attacking a proclaimed Death Eater wouldn't be a very good idea if one valued one's own physical health. Knowing now how fragile the connection between Severus and Albus really was Remus couldn't help but feel how unstable the ground underneath Severus' feet must feel.

Severus, in the meantime, snapped his fingers and lit his cigarette on the small green flame. Looking at it for a short moment before it vanished again he smiled.

"Did you practise, by the way?"

Looking up from his contemplation Remus had to shake his head. Severus took a drag.

"If you don't work on it you won't get far."

Pulling a face Remus nodded, and then succumbed again to his mental chaos. Severus didn't seem to mind the silence. Leaning back against the warm stone his eyes wandered over the Forbidden Forest, loosing their focus somewhere in the distance. For a full cigarette he stayed there silent, and Remus felt as if he had tamed a wild animal to stay calm in his presence.

But finally Severus finished his cigarette, picked up his book and left the tower. Poppy had promised him a new bandage for his still aching wrist, and considering the rather sad state the current one was in since the heavy rain it seemed like necessary change.

They met again at the dinner table in the orchard. Remus was already seated next to Sirius when Severus arrived and, after standing around for a moment, took his usual chair to Albus' left. For a short second Remus saw how Albus reached out and in a hidden movement wrapped his fingers around Severus' bandaged right wrist, pulling him carefully down. Nobody else seemed to have noticed, but for a short moment some emotion Remus' couldn't correctly place wandered over Severus face.

Then he sat, mostly in silence, and endured the lively conversation.

Sirius, next to Remus, was the driving force of their evening's entertainment. He told anecdotes and jokes with ease, teasing his happy audience and smiling broadly. Remus enjoyed his friend's high spirits enormously. Azkaban had nearly destroyed him, but he was slowly turning back into the man Remus had known for so long. The sun had supplied him with a tan, his hair had grown out again and become more tameable, and the added weight on his bones helped to create a more healthy look. Remus knew that Sirius wasn't looking forward to turn into a dog again for the upcoming school year, and his intense exploitation of the easy summer days could be traced back to that.

Their lively evening conversation was interrupted by a solitary owl carrying a newspaper. The special edition of the Daily Prophet had been highly anticipated by everybody, and the new scandal had already been at the center of their conversation before the owl arrived. Multiple hands reached out to take the newspaper from Minerva's' hand, but she batted at every possible thief and defended her information privilege. To prevent a brawl she unfolded the newspaper and started to read the leading article aloud.

"Hands away, this is my newspaper! You're worse then my fifth-years fighting for a sip of mulled wine. Okay, listen. You've seen the headlines, scandal, and so on. Right. So: This afternoon the ministry confirmed to the press that investigations against a leading ministry employee are taking place. Long-term employee Harold Overy is under suspicion for having sold highly important information, matters of national security, and so on. Also immoral lifestyle, what age do we live in? Anyway. Overy has been released from his obligation, but resisted arrest and has been on the run since three days. The arrest warrant has been issued on charges of espionage and high-treason. Relevant evidence and so on."

She turned the page around.

"And here's a picture. Doesn't look very friendly, that Mr. Overy."

Remus glanced at the page. A snarling magical photograph, in black and white, looked back at him. Overy had a crude face, with rough features and cold eyes. Minerva was right, he didn't look very friendly at all.

"I never knew that there were spies in the ministry. Considering the general disorder there I'm not surprised. Did he work for Voldemort?"

Suddenly all eyes were on Severus, who looked up in mild annoyance.

"Not as far as I know."

Sirius snorted.

"I guess your boss doesn't tell you everything, then. Fallen from grace, are you?"

Severus raised an eyebrow, but before he could say anything Albus cut him of.

"Whatever it is, I am sure we will find out soon. Would you mind if I threw a glance at the article, Minerva? Thank you for sharing your newspaper."

Reaching over the table Albus took the paper, and from there it made the round. Severus glanced at the article briefly before handing it over to Pomona Sprout. When it arrived at Remus' place he examined the picture once more. Somehow the face seemed familiar, something in the cut of the cheekbones and the small eyes resonated with him. But he wasn't sure. He probably had seen him somewhere before, maybe even in the newspaper - there were so many pictures of high-ranked ministry employees around that it was likely. But when he passed the paper to Sirius and looked up Remus registered Severus unreadable glance upon him. Remus tried to smile, but Severus simply turned his head and focused on Minerva who was reading another small article aloud.

But Albus had noticed, and his observing gaze was fixed to his very own spy for the remaining hours of the evening, while Remus racked his brain for a clue to where he had seen the face of Harold Overy before. But he remained dissatisfied and went to bed with the feeling of having forgotten something vitally important. Even in his dreams he couldn't remember.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 6/10/2014

_The whole flying-thing sounds like I made it up, but I didn't - pure canon here! Amazing. I wondered how Voldemort would teach someone how to fly, and pushing people off towers and cliffs sounded just too much like him. _


	10. Nothing so simple

**Nothing so simple**

The next afternoon Remus finally saw a proper cauldron in the lab for the first time. He walked into the sunlit room finding no less than three of them on his working table, as well as a complete set-up on the other table. The potions master himself wore his usual badly damaged lab robe, but this time without any visible sleeves underneath beyond the frayed cloth covering that Dark Mark, and his hair clipped back. It looked like serious work, and Remus was absurdly gleeful. Finally no more cutting techniques!

WIthout formalities beyond a curt nod as a short greeting Severus came straight to the point.

"I belive you have learnt a fair bit about the necessary basic techniques. Time is running up. The full moon is next week, and there is still enough Wolfsbane for that. But afterwards the stocks will be empty, and I propose that you will slowly acquaint yourself with the formula, and then assist me in brewing. Do you agree?"

Remus nodded, trying for all in the world to keep his demeanor composed and cool. In fact he was short of rubbing his hands together. He had been waiting for cauldrons and fire the whole time, it had been the part of Potions classes he had always loved most. A good spark, a roaring fire, the energy of the bubbling cauldron - it felt good, and he couldn't wait to do it again.

"Yes, fine with me. I've been waiting for the brewing process all along."

Mildly annoyed Severus shock his head.

"Don't underestimate the value of proper basic instruction. But I see that's wasted on you. You'll receive the formula later today. Before that I want you to brew some simple potions, as I'd like to see how you behave around fire."

Once more Remus nodded eagerly, causing Severus to sigh and shake his head.

"Somehow I wish my students would be that excited."

He turned around, but stopped his motion and faced Remus again.

"Before I forget it - you might remember that some ingredients are still missing. I'll apparate into Diagon Alley sometime the next week, there are some other things I have to organise as well. If you'd like to accompany me, there are a few rather unusual resources I have to contact. Yet again."

That was fine with Remus, and it triggered his curiosity once more.

"Unusual resources? Do you ever do anything just like everybody else?"

Involuntarily Severus grinned.

"No." Then he turned around and walked to one of his own working tables, gesturing Remus to follow him.

"If you are interested in watching the process of putting the finishing touches to the Hyle before we can use it in the wolfsbane - that's what I'm going to do now."

Remus followed him. He had read enough on Hyle to admire the intricacy of the process, and was more than interested in seeing how working with it would look like. He had a vague idea from what he had picked up from his books, but he still wasn't very sure how exactly it was supposed to work.

On the working table in the back Remus recognized the small leather pouch in which the Hyle was since they had picked it up in Oxford from Andreas Libavius. Next to the leather pouch was nothing but a large bowl, made of what seemed to be a very bright white stone, and a clean glass container with a lid. Severus walked around the table and positioned himself behind it, facing Remus over the bowl.

"As soon as I start working I'd like you to take a few steps back, nothing but a rather basic precautionary measure. Now, I've already told you a few things about Hyle, it's characteristics and production. Work with Hyle requires calm and a good amount of concentration on the part of the alchemist, so I will explain things to you now and afterwards, but not during the process."

Nodding in agreement Remus took a few steps back while Severus opened the leather pouch and retrieved another, much smaller pouch.

"Fine. So, Hyle. For Wolfsbane it's needed in the stage before it becomes Materia Prima - I told you in Oxford. This - " he lifted the small pouch - "contains a tranquilized form of Hyle. That means it's basically immobilized, so to say, and doesn't react to its immediate surrounding. If it weren't in that state - and I will activate it now - it would constantly change it's form. While working with it Hyle needs to be immobilized or frozen after every step of the process, otherwise it doesn't gain stability again."

He put the pouch down again and tapped against the bowl.

"Egyptian alabaster. Hyle in this stage reacts very strongly to metals and elements in wood, so it can't be worked on in cauldrons. Alabaster is a rather weak heat conductor, but light-transmissive, so it can easily be saturated by magic, which of course has similar qualities to light. Still alabaster keeps magical energy well. On the downside it's very soft and extremely breakable. These bowls can sometimes only be used twice, or worse, they break on the first use. Alabaster is also dreadfully expensive and hard to find. Libavius uses marble bowls for exactly that reason, but marble is naturally cold and needs a higher amount of magic to warm up and be saturated, which is why I prefer Alabaster. It's also the textbook material for this kind of work."

For a moment Severus turned the bowl on the table before he looked up. "You can already see that every master has their own way of doing things."

Nodding Remus smiled.

"I'm not surprised. Can I touch the bowl? I don't think I've ever touched alabaster. I saw it used in wall paneling once in Italy."

Without hesitation Severus took the bowl and held it out. Coming closer to the work table Remus took it. The bowl was surprisingly light, and felt wam and strangely soft. Carefully Remus held it up against the light. The fine material seemed to lighten up in the rays of the sun coming in through the windows, and it appeared as if the alabaster immediately developed its own glow.

"That's really rather beautiful."

Severus nodded and took the bowl back.

"Yes, alabaster is an exceptionally beautiful material. This bowl is sturdy, by the way. I've been using it for a few month now, and so far it holds up well. Sometimes fragile things are stronger than we think."

He turned the bowl until it rested on the table in a certain spot and continued.

"Good. Here's what I will do. The Hyle comes out of the bag into the bowl, and will start to transform basically immediately. Adding various types of magical energy it will change in specific ways. When it reaches the stage before it turns into Materia Prima it will be restabilized, and stored in a clean glass container. Questions?"

Remus remembered being told to stand back and returned to his former place.

"No, but surely afterwards."

"Good." Without further ado Severus opened the small leather pouch, and shock it. A small cube, about the size of a proper dice, fell into the bowl.

It looked like a cube of ordinary yeast.

Surprised Remus blinked and sniffed, but he couldn't pick the slightly moldy smell up. Apparently it only looked like yeast, and Remus only stopped himself just so from voicing his thoughts. Instead he watched Severus hold a hand over the bowl, apparently lifting the spell that had kept the Hyle immobilized.

And it started transforming immediately, though at first rather slowly. The cube started to crumble, slowly turning into a sandlike dust. All the time Severus kept his left hand suspended over the bowl, watching the transformation process with visible concentration. When the whole cube had dissolved into dust, filling just the bottom of the bowl he moved quickly, and scooped the dust into his hand.

Turning his now closed fist around Remus waited for the dust to fall back into the bowl. For a second nothing happened. Then Remus felt sudden change in the magical atmosphere in the lab. Severus opened his fist and a tiny ball fell into the bowl, translucent like a crystal, making a distinct sound as it hit the wall of the alabaster bowl. It looked a bit as if Severus was playing with glass marbles, only that the marbles now falling back into the bowl immediately transformed once again. Touching each other they merged together, growing noticeably in size.

Once more Severus reached into the bowl and picked up the still growing balls that now hardly fit into his hands any longer. Turning the bowl with his bandaged right hand he threw them back into the bowl, one after the other. On contact with the bowl the transparent balls seemed to burst, leaving a muddy liquid running down the walls of the bowl. And immediately Remus understood why Severus kept on turning the bowl: soon every section of the bowl was covered in the liquid, which suddenly shifted it's colour and turned into a bright gleaming silver.

Making sure that every part of the bowl was covered in the silver layer Severus placed both hands around the bowl, as if he were about to lift it up. Remus wondered whether he was actually heating up the bowl, but in any case he was adding more magic to the process. The thick silver layer suddenly seemed to turn more runny, dripping down the walls of the bowl and collecting at the bottom. Then it seemed to come to a boil, thick smoke rising. But the smoke didn't get far: it clashed against an invisible barrier just above the bowl, condensed, and dripped back into the bowl.

That seemed to be the longest part of working with Hyle. The liquid kept on boiling, vapour rising up, condensing, and dripping back down. The liquid became more and more clear, and after a while there seemed to be no visible difference between the Hyle and pure water. That was the moment when Severus removed his hands from the bowl, moved them in a motion as if he was racing the perimeters of the bowl, apparently freezing the whole ensemble. Taking the glass container he very carefully poured the now liquid Hyle into it, covered the container with a lid, cast another noiseless spell Remus only recognized by his hand movements, and then looked at the container for another moment.

Nodding and visibly relaxing he looked up.

"That went well. Hyle shows an erratic behavior sometimes, you never know if things won't suddenly go wrong. But Libavius did a good job on this, as he always does. You look as if you do have questions."

That was an underestimation, but Remus didn't need to enlighten Severus about it. Instead he simply grinned and then bombarded Severus with questions for the next thirty minutes. Displaying a surprising amount of patience Severus answered them all, sometimes having to simplify complicated alchemical processes to help Remus understand something. He lectured Remus about the various stages the Hyle had gone through, the necessary spells and temperature adjustments, and even complimented Remus on his keen perception.

Finally he pointed to Remus' own working table.

"There is still time. Do you want to brew yourself?"

Fired up by watching the complicated process and ready to tackle something himself Remus grinned.

"Is that a serious question? Of course."

Shaking his head Severus opened the first two buttons of his lab coat.

"Were you that eager in class? Somehow I don't remember. Have you ever produced concentrated extracts from herbs?"

Remus had, years ago in the class just mentioned.

"Was that in our sixth or seventh year?"

He followed Severus to his own working table were the cauldrons and prepared herbs were already waiting for him.

"My current students do it in their fifth year, we did it in our sixth."

Suddenly the amount of energy the work with Hyle required seemed to show. Instead of remaining standing at Remus' working table Severus pushed a few books aside on his own makeshift desk and rather gracelessly sat down. Rubbing his forehead with one hand he waved loosely into the general direction of the table.

"The book is open, go ahead. Three herbs, three cauldrons, and work precisely."

It was almost shocking how tired Severus suddenly looked, with deep lines around his eyes and tightly set jaw, as if he needed a large amount of concentration to even stay awake. But Remus knew better than to inquire, and went to work. And it wasn't a problem, with the open book, his own knowledge and the rare remark here and there Severus bestowed on him. Working calmly he produced three extracts out of the herbs on the table, all of which were to be used in the wolfsbane. When he was done he transferred the now liquid extract to prepared glass containers, cleaned his working space and neatly labeled the jars.

Beaming with confidence he returned from the storage room where he had placed the jars on the appropriate shelf, next to rows and rows of similar containers labeled in Severus' own pointed script. Remus was delighted that he was still able to brew at least on the level of a good student, something he hadn't been too sure of. Returning to the laboratory he found Severus staring into the space before him. He looked as if he was fighting sleep, and when Remus coughed into his sleeve he veritably startled and slowly pushed himself off the table.

"That wasn't even half bad."

Knowing a compliment when it came from Severus all Remus did was smile.

"I enjoyed the work. You look as if someone had accidentally summoned you from the dead, by the way."

Rubbing his temples Severus shrugged.

"Charming you are indeed. The amount of magic Hyle requires is taxing at the best of times. Right now - but it doesn't matter. I promised you something."

Turning around he retrieved a parchment roll from his desk and held it to Remus, who took it immediately. Examining it he spotted the seal, but had no time to break it.

"That's the - recipe?"

The facial expression in Severus' face was priceless, as if Remus had just compared the wolfsbane to a chocolate cake. With sprinkles, maybe.

"Formula, or alchemic notation. Yes. Read it. You will not understand it, it's too complex and you're not a trained potions master. But small pieces should make sense to you, and it would be useful if you could develop a grasp of the very basic construction. The arithmetical base is included, too, but don't let that bother you. Simply keep it."

Then he examined Remus, and his voice took on a more stern tone.

"Be aware that you're holding truly extraordinary knowledge. There are only four of these complete notations in existence. Technically the formula is my property, but that's something we shouldn't dwell upon. Simply remember that this is knowledge you have to guard closely. Be careful with it."

Now holding the parchment roll as if it could break anytime Remus nodded, feeling as if he was supposed to raise a hand and swear an oath. He resisted the impulse just so.

"I promise to be careful with it. Thank you for your trust. I'll see you at dinner?"

Outside the windows the sun was already setting, and suddenly Remus felt tired from his work. How long had he been working? Brewing certainly made one forget about the time.

"Probably not."

Already used to Severus being reclusive Remus simply smiled and went to leave the laboratory.

"You should take a rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

Severus didn't reply, but as Remus left the laboratory he saw him sitting down again on his desk rather promptly. But Remus' mind was elsewhere. The parchment roll in his hands felt like a treasure, and although he was tired he couldn't wait to break the seal and examine the recipe. Formula. Alchemic notation.

The setting sun cast long shadows into the hallways, the golden light seeming to turn into pools of liquid gold on the stone floor. The air in the corridors was warm and soft, caressing Remus' skin. He loved these summer evenings, the heat still sitting smugly, only to be disturbed by cooler evening air when the sun would be gone. Involuntarily smiling he leisurely strolled down the stairs to his own private quarters.

His good mood was unexpectedly disturbed when he arrived there. Leaning against his doors was Sirius, and from his brooding face he didn't seem to share Remus' joyful mood.

"Where the hell have you been? I've searched high and low for you."

He followed Remus through the door into his private quarters.

"In the lab, brewing extracts from herbs. It worked perfectly, you cannot know how pleased I am."

But Sirius didn't seem to care about these things.

"Splendid, good for you. And I spent all day bored to death. I've got so few days in Hogwarts before I've got to leave again or turn into a dog, and you waste them in the dungeons with that sour bastard?"

Surprised Remus stared at his best friend. It seemed that Sirius had been annoyed for a while, botteling up his dislike, and now the thunderstorm erupted over Remus' head.

"What are you even talking about?"

But Sirius wasn't finished. With his fists on his hips he glared at Remus.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. You're in the library or in the lab all the time, reading or working on these boring potions things. And that's not even your subject! When do you think you'll prepare your own lessons? And what about our summer plans? Why the are you suddenly spending so much time with that bloody Snape, seriously, what's the matter with that? Are you in love or something?"

Remus started at him aghast.

"Have you lost your mind? Are you jealous or something? You know exactly that I need the wolfsbane, and thus Severus. It's incredibly that he's doing that for me anyway, don't you understand that? This is important for me."

Sirius made a noise as if he wanted to spit on the floor.

"I don't trust the fuckmuppet, and you know exactly why. He'll betray us all, just wait for it. He's misleading all of you, the entire order, Albus, why the hell are you even trusting that dark creature? You can't take the monster out of a man, never."

Talking in heat Sirius realized his mistake far too late.

"So maybe it's more about me finally finding an equal."

Lifting his chin Remus fixed him with a cold glance, trying to hide sudden rage. Lifting his hands Sirius shock his head.

"You know I didn't mean to say - "

Remus interrupted him without remorse.

"You never mean anything. You didn't mean it when you send him into the Shrieking Shark all those years ago, and you nearly killed us all with that. Leave. Now."

Pointing towards the door he silenced Sirius half-formed reply with nothing more than a glance.

"No. You will leave now, and maybe you'll consider next time what a monster really is. Go. I don't want to see you again tonight."

Once more Sirius tried to heal the damage he had caused, but it was no use. Realising it he shrugged, turned around and left as he had been ordered. When the door closed behind him Remus carefully exhaled, still trying to fight the rage seething within him. He willed his clenched fists to relax. Fighting with Sirius always got him to the edge quickly. He wasn't a violent man, never had been, but these days his patience seemed to be thinner than usual.

Sighing he crossed into his rooms and sank down on his sofa, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. It could have been such a splendid evening, and then Sirius had to indulge in a sudden fit of jealousy and dig up the old issues with Severus again. Would that never heal?

And then Remus remembered the things Severus had said on the astronomy tower, his musings on vengeance, on paying back what one had to suffer with equal violence. Loosing himself in a train of thought Remus stared up to the intricate woodwork in his ceiling.

The monster, Sirius had said, could never been removed from the man. Was that what they thought about their spy? Of course he had known it, and Severus knew it, too. Nobody could not notice the glances, the whispered comments, the endless bickering. The open and the hidden hate, a fragile ground build on Albus' acceptance and protection. How could Severus deal with that, every day, facing rejection and denunciation?

Remus had never wondered about that, and he couldn't blame anybody else for not thinking about it. The potions master was like a closed door, a room locked with a key discarded into a fast river. A smooth façade, where nothing stuck. A quick retort, a sharp-witted reply, words meant to hurt. And then the night at the opium den had happened, and Remus had suddenly seen things he had never wanted to see. Ever. And now he was spending all this time working with Severus and realising slowly that there was something behind that façade, behind the invisible mask - but, what exactly?

Not what they saw, of course. What they saw was a carefully constructed image, a persona Severus assumed, a defined role the world could judge him upon. Gasoline on fire his behavior during the school year, doing nothing but pushing everybody even further away. But Remus had seen something, there, a small glimpse of something he couldn't understand. But he understood that Severus' life was a dance on unstable ground, a careful balance between what others wanted from him and what he was able and willing to give.

A monster, that's what they thought he was.

And what did they say about Remus, behind his back, when nobody else was there? They had reassured him that they were glad he was there, lycanthropy just another part of him, nothing serious. He was a good man, and they told him so. It wasn't his fault, after all, he hadn't willingly succumbed to this life. It hadn't been his choice. And he wasn't dangerous, with the wolfsbane turning the wolf into something far more agreeable, albeit still quite ugly. The wolfsbane that Severus had invented, and made for him.

Leave it to the man who was a monster to turn the other man who was a monster into something - human?

Brilliant.

Feeling the sudden need to think somewhere else Remus got up and, not knowing what to do, decided to take a shower. The shower was a good place to think, after all.

Minutes later his clothing was but a chaotic pile on the ground, the water running down his shoulders. Rubbing himself with shower gel, inhaling the scent of fresh mint and bergamot his mind went back to his former train of thought, his fingers tracing the pattern of lines in his skin, thick scar tissue marking him forever.

These questions weren't new, of course. He had been thinking about these things for a long time, maybe for the first time when he had been a teenager. As they had been for everybody the years between his thirteenth birthday until his graduation from Hogwarts had been a time of searching. But when everybody else had certain defined fields they worried about - girls, muscles, sex, school, in that order - Remus' inner life had been a chaotic mess. The usual problems never really touched him. What use was a well-toned torso for him? Sirius took his shirt off as soon as the snow started to melt, but Remus carried his true character engraved into his skin, an ugly net of pain and fear. How could he explain that, or his monthly vanishing to a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend, for that matter? He could have worried about school, but his grades had always been good. He was an avid student, someone who loved books and learning.

But with the years things got better. He found friends, people who liked and understood him, even without wolfsbane. The scars on his body never went away, though. Poppy had told him that dark magic left traces on the body of it's victims, proof it had been there. But he got used to the scars, ugly as they were, accepting them just as he had learned to accept the feeling of the moon breaking his bones. They were a part of him, as was the wolf - the dark raging creature, the monster he had finally tamed with nothing but a goblet of disgusting liquid.

Turning off the water he stepped out of the shower, the steam filling his bathroom. Drying himself he wiped the mirror and started into it. His own face stared back, nothing if not a familiar sight. He still looked old, much older than he was. Those dealing with lycanthropy never really reached an old age. They died early, broken in body and spirit, succumbing to their own instincts, or killing themselves. It was so odd that a potion could have given him so much silly hope.

He turned away from the mirror in a sharp movement. Dressing in a fresh t-shirt and boxer shorts he made his way back into his living room, combing through his wet hair with his hands.

The parchment roll was still lying on the couch, and Remus picked it up in passing and walked into his study. Seating himself at his desk he turned the roll in his hands. The parchment was simple, but of high quality. The seal was large, a shape pressed into dark green wax. He studied the tree bearing a single apple for a moment before he broke it, feeling something akin to excitement.

It looked like a recipe for cake. Remus wasn't sure whether he was supposed to be surprised or not, but it really looked as if he had taken a leaf out of his mother's recipe notebooks, maybe the page where his mother had noted the necessary steps to prepare a complicated, lavishly decorated wedding cake. Just that Severus' script had nothing in common with the neat little handwriting Remus' mother possessed. For a moment Remus just stared at the writing. His own father would have called that a character script, no doubt. The letters in dark ink were gently curved, lavishly traced on the page. This was no quick scribble, and the penmanship betrayed it. It was legible, but just barely.

But a few minutes later Remus could read the writing with only minor problems, and he started to work his way through the first page. The list of ingredients seemed to be never-ending, but he had worked with most of them in the past weeks, had learned how to cut and prepare them or at least seen them once. The first ingredient was the Hyle, with the comment 'Gradus 1. ante materia prima' written in parenthesis behind. Then there were the herbs and various other ingredients, some of them ostensibly liquid from the way the amount needed was noted.

The explanation of the brewing process, on the contrary, was rather short. The ingredients had to be added in descending order as they were indexed above, and the text mostly contained strange abbreviated information pertaining the necessary magical potencies, ways and times of stirring required, temperatures and necessary cooling times, warnings about vapours and possible volatile moments as well as descriptions about the colour of the potion and the rising smoke. The final paragraph explained how the finished potion had to be tested before it could be administered, ensuring the quality and function. And, finally, a small sentence underneath it all, written in a different script but with the same ink, so small Remus almost couldn't read it: Ita ius esto, de manu propria. It was signed with Severus' full name, including his titles as Remus had seen them in the visitors' book in St. Aurelius.

The very last page included an indecipherable amount of arithmetic symbols and numbers, and Remus concluded that this probably was the real thing - the alchemic notation Severus had spoken about. There was no need for Remus to read it - he wouldn't understand it anyway, he noted without feeling bad about it.

So he returned to the first pages, reading them again and again, using his own notes, the Alchemy book and the literature he had taken from the library to make sense of what he was reading. It wasn't easy, but very slowly things started to fall into place, and Remus felt that there was actually a small chance of him understanding it one day. Not tonight, though. Carefully he copied the formula into his notebook, trying to truthfully write down the strange abbreviations just like the undecipherable arithmetic notation. It might come in handy one day to have a second copy, stored away for his own use.

When he was done night had fallen outside his windows. Sitting back and stretching his shoulder muscles he wondered about dinner, but then decided to take it in liquid form and retreated to his sofa with a tumbler of the fine whiskey Minerva had given him for his last birthday.

The amber liquid was strong, burning his tongue and mouth, and Remus felt as if it was taking away some of his prior thoughts as well, cleaning his head. The night outside his windows was soft, yet dark, and the moon was on it's way to become Remus' worst antagonist. He had but a week, and if he carefully took inventory of his own body he already felt the wolf stirring slightly. But it wasn't bad, not yet. The pain hadn't come already.

Sipping his whiskey in the relaxed comfort of his living room Remus lost himself in thought again. It had been a strange summer so far, so different from everything he had anticipated. But who could have foreseen that he would spent a night in an opium den with an ex-Death Eater and then turn into an assistant of the same man? It was absurd.

Refilling his glass he smiled. A monster, Sirius had said. Well, if one asked Remus he'd say that he knew a thing or two about monsters. About what a monster was. And if Sirius had asked him he would have told him that killing, even in cold blood, didn't turn a man into a monster. Into a murderer, yes. But not into a monster.

But really, if it just were that simple. If there were a clear line between good and bad, between dark and bright. He knew he would have liked that himself. You belong there, I belong here, let's fight this out. One was a monster, the other a man, and if the man won it was a victory for all of them.

But what if the man was the monster, and the monster - but then Remus' tumbler was empty again. The whiskey dripped down his throat, no longer burning. It tasted heavy and warm, liquid smoke and honey. Smiling at nothing in particular Remus sat back. Oh yes, if life was easy! If things were simple. But they weren't, had never been. Would never be.

Here be monsters, they had written on old maps, on the areas where nobody had ever set foot. If you don't know it presume it as dangerous. Where did monsters live these days? Just to make sure Remus checked underneath the sofa, but the only thing there was a colony of dust bunnies. The only resident monster in these rooms was he himself. And in the castle? The tumbler was empty again. Refilling it one last time and downing the alcohol Remus let himself fall back into the pillows.

His thoughts, so clear and concise before, now seemed to be a wet mess of fur, drenched in whiskey and helplessly entangled. Staring up at the ceiling he smiled without knowing why. Here be monsters, yes. Why not. Even these needed a place to live, didn't they? Not everybody could play for the lucky team of man. There had to be monsters.

Smiling brighter at nothing in particular he closed his eyes, just for a moment, and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 14/10/2014

_Ita ius esto, de manu propria - and so it is rightly/correct, done by the hand of (from roman law, claiming the correctness of procedure, pertaining law of ownership)_


	11. Trouble come running

**Trouble come running**

The next day Sirius apologized, as he always did, and as the protocol of their friendship demanded it Remus forgave him. It wasn't difficult, after a night of alcohol fueled sleep and a bad morning. As soon as the headache was gone and he could think clearly again he knew what was bound to happen, and of course it did. They spoke about it over a late breakfast and Sirius looked a bit like a wet dog, and Remus smiled and it was fine again. Walking down the corridor on his own again Remus made a mental note to more clearly remember that there were people who didn't put every word they spoke up to scrutiny before it left their mouth. Sirius was a decent bloke, a good man even, and had been a loyal friend for a very long time. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and it didn't help sometimes. But he rarely really ment to inflict harm with his words, even when spoken in rage. Sometimes he didn't think, but didn't that happen to all of them? Sometimes they didn't think. No, Sirius was a good man, and thus Remus smiled and nodded, and it was forgiven. As always.

But then Remus had different things to think about, with the full moon coming up. The wolf was already awaking, slowly, becoming more and more present every day. At night the creature started to rattled his bones, tearing on his muscles, growling in his dreams. The energy of the wolf already cursed through his veins, and he couldn't sit still. So he did what had become his second nature ever since he had returned to Hogwarts. He wandered the corridors and the grounds, at night, alone with his footsteps and the moon. The summer nights were beautiful, almost bright with stars, and a soft breeze in the air. The movement felt good, exercising the wolf while giving Remus space to think.

Some nights he wondered whether he was truly alone. He knew that Severus wandered the corridors, too, had felt his silent presence too many nights during the school year. But in these nights he wasn't sure. Why was he even thinking about these things? He didn't know. Sometimes he thought he was imagining it, those light steps on the stone floor or heavy boots on the path in the forest and a long hem rustling the grass. But when he turned around and waited nobody was there but the moon and Remus' own thoughts. Alone he continued his aimless wanderings, in the woods or the castle, just a man walking with the moon. Still a man. Not yet the monster.

He went to Severus' private lab on the early evening of the full moon to take the wolfsbane potion. They hadn't been working that very day, and Remus was sure the lab had never been that clean and empty. The sunlight filtered through the not-quite-clean windowpanes, drawing long columns of brilliant light on the sandstone floor, the dust dancing in the air. The tables were spotlessly clean, with not a cauldron in sight besides the single one holding the wolfsbane. The heating process was already over, the potion cooled to its proper temperature for taking. The door to the stock room in the back was open, and Severus nowhere in sight.

Remus had enough time to sniff the familiar concoction in the solitary cauldron until the master of the rooms appeared from the stock rooms. He held a clean glass jar, and nodded upon seeing Remus. Returning the greeting Remus tried his best to hide a grin. Severus wasn't wearing his lab robe or anything similar to his usual black garb and obviously wasn't set on working this evening.

"Good evening. I see you have plans to go out later?"

Without hiding his curiosity Remus gave him the once-over, taking his battered and faded dark denim, for the weather slightly too heavy black leather boots, and an obviously old t-shirt, the sleeves folded over just twice, revealing a bit too much biceps than it was good for Remus' sanity. Placing the glass jar on the working table Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Is the goblet we usually use for this still in your rooms? It seems to have vanished from my lab."

Remus shrugged.

"I guess the houseelves collected it that last time and washed it, Merlin knows who's using it now. You should check in the kitchen."

Shaking his head Severus mumbled something very unfriendly about the general idea of property and it's forgeiness to houseleves, and then set to work transferring the potion from the cauldron into the glass jar. Seconds later, even before the potion had fully found its way into its new home a soft sound behind Remus made him turn around.

Behind him, just in front of the door, stood one of the strangest creatures he had ever seen. The thing looked a bit like an evil caricature of a houseelf. Roughly proportioned like a tiny human, it sported dark skin, shriveled lips, and a generous amount of white hair. It's eyes were large, but shaped strangely and the dark irises seemed small around a black pupil. It wore something similar to a shrunken tunic over dark pants, belted around the area where Remus suspected it's waist to be. Attached to the belt was a set of keys and a leather pouch. The creature didn't move, and it didn't seem to breathe, either.

Confused Remus stared at the being, while Severus, still standing at work table, carefully allowed the last drop of the potion to run into the glass jar before he put the cauldron down. He didn't even look up, but said something in a language that sounded vaguely like bastardized latin, a melodic mumble. The creature nodded wordlessly, and was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

"What was that?"

Severus looked up, not even trying to hide his satisfaction at Remus surprise.

"A drak."

Remus snorted.

"Oh, yes, of course, a drak. Should've thought so myself."

Shrugging Severus nodded and pushed the glass jar into Remus general direction. Remus took it, but didn't drink yet.

"What the hell is a drak? Some Death-Eater-Version of a houseelf? I've never seen that - it - him around."

Brushing an invisible speck of dust from the work table Severus shook his head.

"Of course not, they aren't native to England. What are you teaching again? Anyway, a drak is some sort of spirit. Usually they are little tricksters, stealing, hording, setting things on fire, that kind of thing. Muggles belive they look like dragons, hence the name. Sometimes they attach themselves to humans, most often to other magical creatures. This drak has been serving my family for decades."

While speaking he set about to clean, carrying the cauldron over to the sink and summoning the bottle of Nihilio to proceed. Remus sniffed the jar. It smelled just a terrible as always. With nothing more than an internal sigh he closed his eyes, and drowned it as fast as he could. It was revolting, to say the least, but he knew that there was nothing anybody could do about that.

Shuddering he put the jar down again, grateful that the conversation about the drak provided entertainment.

"So he's something like your house elf?"

Severus shrugged, bestowing most of his intention on the cauldron in the sink.

"You might say that."

Remus watched him scrub, rinse and clean the cauldron once more with Nihilio, and then using a soft cloth to dry it.

"Place the jar in the sink, I'll see to it later."

The cauldron went to the drying space next to the sink, and while Remus deposited the jar into the sink Severus walked over to his desk, collected a jacket Remus hadn't noticed before, and gestured towards the door. Remus took the hint and walked over, leaving the lab. Severus followed him suit, draping the jacket over his shoulder. Halfway through the door Remus watched him stop, his brows furrorwing for a moment. Then he turned around, just a bit, reached out and with an outstretched hand summoned his wand from the desk table it had still been resting on.

"You have your own private evil houseelf? You'll never cease to surprise. And how the hell can you forget your wand?"

It was supposed to be a good-hearted jest, but Severus simply allowed an eyebrow to rise a few millimeters.

"He's not an evil houseelf, he's a mischevoius spirit. It's his choice to serve me, he can leave my employ if he pleases so, unlike a houseelf. I don't like these pesky creatures anyway."

Grinning Remus nodded.

"I can imagine. Far too chatty for you, right?"

Shrugging Severus pocketed the wand in the appropriate section of his jacket.

"Imagine a houseelf finding Death Eater robes in my quarters and how long that would be a secret. Good-bye."

Before Remus could answer he simply nodded once, turned on his heel and swiftly walked down the corridor. Remus could all but return the farewell, and watched the retreating backside of the potionsmaster with a certain amount of sadness. He'd like to have a night out, too, and that kind of denim - but the harsh taste of the wolfsbane was still on his tongue, and he knew he'd better retreat to his quarters. It wasn't late, yet, but the moon would rise, and he had a soft furry carpet to sleep on.

Four days later Remus was just getting over the aches and pains of the transformation when the spindly creature he now knew was a drak suddenly appeared in his private study. Remus almost dropped his teacup in surprise. He was very much sure that he hadn't invited the serving spirit into his quarters. but the Drak didn't seem to care for simple things like that. Silently the creature handed him a small piece of parchment, a look of disdain on its face. Remus put the cup down and took it.

"Uhm, thank you?"

The creature didn't move a single muscle in its face, and was gone as suddenly as it had appeared. Shaking his head Remus stared at the empty spot on his carpet. He'd need to speak with Severus about that, really.

The parchment wasn't any chattier than the messenger had been. It only announced that Severus intended to apparate into Diagon Alley the next day, and if Remus had any plans to accompany him he was instructed to be at the usual spot in the Forbidden Forest at a certain hour, and bring a cloak with a hood. That sounded rather strange, but then Severus was never quite a man for doing things the easy way.

Remus spent the day reading up on his own work and collecting shopping lists from Albus and Minerva. They spoke about the little excursion during lunch, and he was surprised to see Minerva fighting to suppress a laugh when Remus mentioned that he really hoped that they would spent some time at Flourish and Blotts. It was Albus who took the chance to enlighten him that shopping with Severus usually only meant going to Flurish and Blotts, and not much more. Apparently Remus hadn't yet realized that the potionsmaster was the castle's resident bibliomane.

They met in the Forbidden Forest the next day at the time the parchment had stated. Remus was almost perfectly on time, but even that way Severus was already there. Remus didn't need more than a quick glance to realize that he wasn't about to spent the day with the Severus he knew from the potions lab, but rather with the stern and gloomy Head of Slytherin. Dressed carefully in his usual dark ensemble, dark waistcoat over white shirt, the cloak elegantly draped over his shoulders Severus waited for him with his arms crossed. Remus was glad that he had decided on his teacher's outfit as well. They exchanged a quick greeting, and apparated separately into Diagon Alley.

As luck would have it they had picked a good day. The always busy street wasn't too crowded, although even on a slow day shoppers milled around. Remus looked around, suddenly realizing that he hadn't left Hogwarts for a quite a while, if one didn't count their trip to Oxford. He enjoyed the colourful store windows and watched the crowds. Immediately he saw the odd student here and there, mostly with their parents, making the first purchases for the upcoming school year.

With an almost inaudible "plopp" Severus appeared next to him, his cloak now buttoned up all the way. Remus only shock his head.

"Aren't you dying in this heat?"

Severus was unimpressed.

"Cooling spells, Lupin. Third year, if I recall correctly." But before Remus could answer he continued. "Did Albus and Minerva supply you with their lists?"

Nodding Remus produced two scrolls from the pockets of his coat. They grew remarkably in size in his hands, and he could almost see Severus' internal fight to keep a straight face.

"I see. We should deal with business in Diagon Alley first before we proceed. There is something else I need to deal with later which might be of interest to you. It would seem a good idea to split up. How much to do you need to buy?"

Remus glanced at the lists.

"Well, not much. I mostly want to go to Flourish and Blotts, and get some sweets. Albus and Minerva only requested books." He ignored the disparaging glance Severus threw in his direction as soon as he mentioned the words 'sweets".

"Splitting up might be helpful, but finding somebody here is always a pain." With a shudder Remus remembered loosing his mother in the chaos Diagon Alley was in the last week of the summer holidays. It had taken hours until they found each other again, and he remembered the feeling of being utterly lost for all mankind. Of course his mother found him again, in the end, told him off and made him promise to stay close to her for the future - something that Remus found was very easy to swear at this point in time.

"As you wish. Flourish and Blotts, then."

Together they made their way down the street in the general direction of the bookstore. Remus enjoyed looking at the store windows, examining the newest Quidditch equipment in passing, while listening to the chatter of the shoppers. Magical folk tended to a certain display of joviality in public, loud laughing and story telling with raised voices. There were small groups gathered in front of the store windows, loudly discussing the newest Wizarding Jokes and the daily news. Here and there someone carried a meowing cat or owl, and a few young man had their brooms shouldered in displays of proud ownership.

Severus didn't seem to be interested in all of that. His face firmly set into his usual mask of slight annoyance coupled with irritated aloofness he lead the way to the bookstore. But while he didn't look at anyone Remus saw passerbys looking at them. Of course people knew him, after all being a teacher at Hogwarts came with a certain prestige, and being the Head of a House was a renown position. But there was something else in the way people looked. Some maybe even nodded friendly greeting towards Remus, and then did their best to ignore Severus as best as they could. He had a reputation, Remus realized, and people knew or quickly picked up on it. Nobody crossed their path or disturbed their walk.

Quickly their reached Flourish and Blotts, and Remus followed Severus inside. The coolness inside the cramped store was remarkable, and the smell of books immediately filled Remus nose. He smiled involuntarily.

The door hadn't closed behind them yet when a tiny wizard in dark green robes almost came bouncing towards them.

"Professor, as always an honour. You are here to collect your orders?"

Severus nodded. "Indeed." The small wizard nodded eagerly.

"Almost everything arrived. But I have the displeasure to report a problem with the oldfrench manuscript you ordered. If you wouldn't mind following me, so we can discuss that in private - ?"

Severus shot a quick glance to Remus, who nodded. Following the small wizard Severus vanished through a door into what Remus presumed to be an office, and Remus was free to roam the paradise himself. He first collected the titles from Minervas' and Albus' Lists, and then lost himself in the maze of bookshelves. The books around him seemed to whisper, all of them simultaneously, beckoning him to pick them up. Read me, it sang into his ears, I can grant you wisdom. Read me, I will entertain you. Oh, you will love me, you won't sleep for a week, I promise.

Quickly his basket was full. He strolled through the section with fictional works, quickly cast a glance at new biographies, and then found a free chair in the section labeled "Potions & Herbology". He didn't need long to pick a selection of books and settled down to read the first chapters and flip through the pages. Decisions like this were always difficult for him. He had been on the run for such a long time, had never been able to really buy as many books as he had wanted to. Now his shelves at Hogwarts were plenty, and he had enough time to read and indulge himself, not speaking of the salary that actually made buying books possible. Still he tried to avoid unnecessary purchases, and one could read only so many books in a lifetime. And the wolf, after all, was illiterate.

Within minutes he was absorbed into the books on his lap. He had no idea how much time had actually passed when looked up between the fifth and six Herbology book and found Severus sitting on a low shelf next to him. He had a small stack of books next to him, holding a thin volume between long fingers. But he wasn't reading. Instead he seemed to be studying Remus, and when their eyes met a small smile appeared on his lips. It was only the slightest hint on his face, but the cold mask he had worn outside the store seemed to fall away and Remus found himself facing the man he was working with instead of the withdrawn cruel Head of Slytherin.

"Having a difficult time to decide?"

Remus blinked, hoping that he wasn't blushing too hard. Or at all.

"Well, yes. I wanted something sufficient to work with to train my Herbology skills, but it's rather difficult. I guess I have to give your book back one day, right?"

Closing the thin volume he held Severus nodded.

"Do you want a recommendation?"

Picking up his own stack of books Remus passed them on to Severus. He took them and balanced them on his knees, quickly discarding the first three and casually flipping through the next ones.

"Just as I thought. Take the Luitgard for Hebology, it's excellent. She was a great witch, really, and her books are still read today for a reason." Opening an especially colourful book on potions he made a noise that would have send his students underneath their tables. "What do people want with all these pictures? As if that would explain anything. Assmar is a full-fledged fuckmuppet, and you can trust me on that, I had the displeasure to work with him. Don't buy his books. Someone ought to write a proper complete work on the basics of potions, but I don't see that happening anytime soon."

Remus grinned at the utter look of horror with which Severus regarded the book he had found on the bottom of the stack.

"Why won't you write it yourself?" He couldn't help but tease. Severus pulled a face and closed the book with a snap.

"Give me four years and a life without students or, well, and I would. Would be about time for Libavius to publish something like this."

Handing the Herbology book he had picked to Remus he transferred the remaining stack to the shelf next to him.

"We should go, I think, before either of us buys up the whole shop. My books are already at the cashiers. Are you finished?"

Nodding Remus got up, collecting his basket and following Severus through the shelves. They passed "Tea Leaves & The Hidden Truth" and turned to the right next to "Transformations - Advanced Works".

"I guess I could spent a day and a night here. All these books! I don't even know where to start."

Severus looked at his basket.

"Feel free to use my library, if you feel that the Hogwarts Library is lacking anything. Without being pompous I guess I own one of the more extensive collections in the castle."

Remus' eyebrows were only stopped when they reached his hairline.

"Your private library? You have a library? And I can use it?"

But Severus only shrugged.

"Why not? Books should be read, dust doesn't make them better. Albus and Minerva both use my library and I theirs, it's been a working agreement since years now, and so far has proven to be very functional. I see no reason why you shouldn't be included into that."

Before Remus could answer they passed the shelf entitled "Quidditch - Equipment and Rules" and reached the open main room again. The small wizard was already waiting for them, transforming a remarkable large stack into a more useful size and calculating the bill. When he finally uttered the number Remus felt the need to stop his mouth from falling open, but Severus paid without batting an eye. To Remus relief his own bill was much more affordable, and the wizard packed his own books and the orders he had taken from Albus and Minerva into a box with Severus' own haul.

"We'll ship everything directly to Hogwarts, as usual. A good day to you, Professor and Professor."

The small wizard bowed a bit too deep and almost toppled over, and Remus saw the badly hidden eye-roll behind Severus' curt nod. He absolutely understood what made the little wizard that happy - a customer like Severus could probably keep the whole shop in business without any problems.

And then they were out on the street again. "What else do you need?"

The sweets, and as Remus had expected Severus remained safely outside of Syrians Sweet Shoppe. Remus had no such concerns for his reputation and threw himself into the delightful chaos of Babushka bars, egyptian Pistachio loops and Damascene silk drops. The long rows of glass jars were filled with all kinds of tempting goods, and Remus could only just so resist buying far too many of the colourful delights. The sales counter offered even more freshly made treats - honey filled bee-slices, small smoking liquorice pipes and chocolate covered bouncing bears were the most recently made ones. Carefully he picked a variety of items that would survive being transported in the hot weather conditions they faced outside, and added another bag of lemon drops he knew Albus would enjoy. Through the window he saw Severus draped against a lamp-post, arms crossed in front of his chest and very visibly playing the role of annoyed waiting person.

Finally Remus, having paid his treasure, saved him from an untimely death caused by boredom.

"What did you buy in there, the whole shop?"

Grinning Remus offered him the small brown paper bag the sales girl had packed a fresh peanut snail into. Shaking his head Severus declined with barely hidden contempt.

"Thank you, save it for Albus. He'll be delighted. I need to got to the Pharmacy, there are some issues with the orders for the new year."

With visible joy Remus took a bit of the peanut snail and followed Severus chewing. The pharmacy was dark and had much less traffic than the Sweet Shoppe. It didn't take long for the accountant Severus usual did business with to appear, and they had a heated discussion about the quality of a certain ingredient. In the end the man gave in, unwillingly and growling, and gave Severus the better conditions he had wanted. The deal was signed off without further ado, and they left the pharmacy with a small bag with fresh spider legs in Severus' cloak pockets.

Without any commentary Severus then led them further down Diagon Alley. The traffic became lighter almost immediately, and suddenly they rounded a corner and faced the entrance to Knockturn Alley.

"As I said, I have some more business to do. Been here before?"

Remus shock his head, peering into the crooked alley. Severus grinned, with a hint of maliciousness on his face.

"Then have fun."

Remus frowned, but Severus simply pulled up the hood of his cloak and stepped into the dimly lit alley. Following his example Remus hastened to not stay behind, as discreetly as he could making sure that his wand was right where it was supposed to be.

Their surroundings almost immediately changed. The houses stood closer together here than in Diagon Alley, crouching, leaning onto each other. Sometimes their roofs almost touched over the alley, rendering it much darker then the hour of the day would normally allow. Everything seemed a bit more gloomy and shabby. The dirt on the street was disgusting, and most of the lamps seemed broken. It was almost a caricature of what Remus would have thought an evil liar should look like, but it was strangely real. Only here and there others were seen walking, shrouded in cloaks, hoods covering their faces. Most of the time Remus didn't even know if they passed by a man or woman.

Deeper and deeper they ventured into Knockturn Alley. Soon most of the houses seemed to be empty, the windows blind, doors covered with bars and nailed shut. The ground was wet, strange pools of - Remus didn't want to know, really. Severus seemed to know exactly where he was headed, venturing deeper and deeper into the Alley, and then suddenly turning to the left and vanishing into an even smaller opening. Remus followed quickly. He couldn't shake of the feeling that someone was following them, but looking over his shoulders nothing but a stray cat moved. He chalked it up to his imagination. Must be the darkness. And the ugly smell.

Then they stopped in front of a particular rundown house. A long time ago a shop must have been on the ground floor, but the large windows were broken and Remus saw nothing but dust and debris inside. The door next to it was closed and there wasn't a single light in sight. Nevertheless Severus tilted his head and looked upwards, fixing his gaze upon a certain window on the first floor. For a moment Remus thought that there was movement in the dirty curtains, but he could have been wrong.

But Severus seemed satisfied, walked over to the barricaded door, and knocked against it sharply four times. Then he waited a short moment, and knocked once more. Remus heard the sound echo into the empty silence of the house. For a moment nothing happened.

Then he heard shuffled steps inside the house, coming closer very slowly. The hair on his back stood up, but he forced himself to stay calm. There was a strange sound behind the door, and suddenly the wooden boards barricading the door vanished into thin air and the door was open. In the door frame stood a woman, shriveled and tiny, who seemed to be at least two hundred years old. Her hair was grey and dirty, a messy cloud around her head. She stared hard at Remus out of almost blind eyes, before her gaze fixed itself upon Severus.

Then she shrugged, murmured something, and turned around. The door remained open, and Severus didn't hesitate a moment and entered the house with Remus on his heels. Inside the house seemed just as ruined as from the outside. There were thick cobwebs in every corner and down the walls, the windows blind with dirt, the rooms almost empty. The few remaining pieces of furniture were covered with white cloth, as one would do with a corpse before burial. Remus shivered in the strange cold inside.

It seemed as if the corridor would never end, and Remus quickly realized that there must be magic at work. The old woman walked on and on, shuffling her feet and muttering incomprehensible things beneath her breath. The smell was disgusting.

Finally they reached a heavy wooden door, and the woman shock the knob a few times before it finally opened. She walked into the room with a bit more speed, and Severus followed her.

Remus stopped dead in his tracks on the threshold.

In front of him lay a large oval room, the walls paneled in dark wood, bright with light coming through a large green rooflight. The walls were covered with shelves which were filled with jars and bottles, flasks and small boxes. There were trunks on the floor and large caskets, a small coffin here and there, stacks of books and cages with monster books and strange creatures. In the middle of it all stood a large table, made out of dark wood. Behind it stood a another slim work table, covered in potions utensils - cauldrons and more jars, bowls made out of what seemed to be emerald and ruby, alabaster and wood. It was a cabinet of wonders, filled with many things Remus had no idea could be of use to anyone. What did anyone need charred wooden planks for? Large and hopefully properly killed crocodiles? Bones tied together with silk strings? Eyeballs in blue liquid? Chains with shark teeth? Shrunken heads of goblins?

On the large table in the middle only a few items were stacked - books, a few vials, a leather pouch. The old woman shuffled around the table, and her hunchback almost prohibited her from looking at both man. Sighing with a coarse voice she put both her hands on the table and transformed with such a speed that Remus almost jumped back. She grew in height, and suddenly someone completely different took her place. Gone was the mob of hair, the swollen feet, and the hunched back. In her place stood a slightly oriental looking wizard, very tall and of slim build, with soft dark curls carefully tied back in his neck. He was dressed entirely in black, and even in the dim green light cast by the rooflight Remus realized that his frock coat must have cost a fortune. His face was beautifully cut, with high cheekbones and almond shaped eyes sparkling with humour. He was visibly enjoying Remus surprise to his transformation, and a small smile tugged at his lips.

"Master Pazzi, a pleasure as always."

Severus bowed his head, very slightly, and the wizard repeated the gesture immediately.

"Oh yes, indeed. Too much honour, dottore, as always. I received your message a few days ago."

His voice was musical and soft, his accent thick and betraying his heritage from somewhere decidedly off the coast of Great Britain.

"Not the diploma makes the master, but then we've had this discussion before. Do you have what I requested?"

Pazzi smiled fully now, revealing a set of not quite entirely straight teeth. Remus fought hard not to stare. There was just something about this wizard that spoke of a intense temperament, and Remus imagined that he could feel the magic surrounding him. His slim hands fluttered through the air gracefully, lending more importance to his words and complimenting them perfectly.

"It is my pleasure to tell you that I do. Alantwater, Bloodberryextrakt, both of them perfectly distilled and clear." He pointed towards two phials. "The bloodberries are delicious this year." He picked up a pouch. "Dried Eupatoria, Waternutseeds, Zichoriadust. All from reliable sources, and tested by myself."

Casually strolling forwards Severus closed the distance between him and the table. "As always I would like to quickly prove your words."

Still smiling Pazzi nodded once more before fixing his gaze upon Remus. "And as always you may."

While Severus busied himself with the vials and leather pouch the dark gaze of the wizard stayed fixed on Remus, who had the strange impression that Pazzi was either flirting with him or using some kind of legilimency he couldn't fully detect. There was a strange sensation in his stomach, suddenly, and he felt warm and strangely happy. Feeling a bit dizzy Remus blinked. Then he suddenly felt a soft tingling sensation on his forehead, a little bit as if an invisible finger was gently prodding against his skull, carefully examining how much resistance there would be met. The dizziness increased - he blinked rapidly, and out of the corner of his eyes saw Severus slowly tilt his head to the side. Before Remus understood if there was meaning behind that minimal and slow movement he felt as if a thick and cool velvet blanket had been draped over his head, effectively blocking out everything else. Confused he shock his head, trying not to stumble backwards.

Then he heard Severus cough silently, and the sensation was gone as soon as it had come, although Remus head was still spinning a bit.

"Your wares meet my approval, however - "

Severus didn't continue his sentence, and Pazzi raised his hands.

"I see. Well, pitty, indeed." He smiled again at Remus, who tried to blink as often as he could. Just to be sure. What was going on there?

When he looked at the table the next time the wares on the table were gone, and he could only see the edge of a small bag vanishing into Pazzis robes. Pazzi smiled again, this time at Severus, who softly shock his head.

"I see you are unchanged, Master. So, tell me, how is the eternal one? Is she still as beautiful as she used to be? And the Palazzo della Caldeia?"

This time the smile on Pazzis face was much broader.

"Yes, certo, everything is as it was. Eternal and never-ending, isn't she. The Palazzo is still standing. Master Colonna sends his wishes to you, as does my mistress. Both of them are very well. Ama et fac quod vis!"

Shaking his head Severus smiled. "I am glad to hear both are well. Send my regards."

Pazzi bowed slightly once more. "I will, and I hope you will stay in good health, too, you and your compagno."

Once more Remus felt the glance upon him, dark eyes staring straight at him - and once again suddenly it was gone. Severus nodded once more and turned around, motioning for Remus to follow him.

"If fate will have it. Goodbye, Pazzi, until we meet again."

Remus simply nodded, and made sure that he kept as close to Severus' back as it was possible without stepping on his heels. The whole situation wasn't to his likening, and he was happy that they left the house. This time the corridor seemed very short, and they reached the front door quickly. It opened effortlessly, but slammed shut with proper force. Then they were out on the street again, breathing in the stale air. Remus exhaled gratefully. And realized that it was darker around them then it was supposed to be.

"What the - what time is it?"

Severus cast a quick glance at him, and raised an eyebrow. Then he shock his head, which Remus interpreted as the sign to stay silent. He hadn't expected what happened next. He felt a soft impulse of magic, nothing like the probing sensation that had prodded his skull inside the room.

"_This isn't a good place for mindless chatter_."

Shocked Remus blinked again rapidly. He had heard Severus answer, clearly, but he was also sure that he hadn't actually seen him speak. And that mean - oh no. He stared at Severus angrily, who only sighed and shock his head.

"_No, I'm not reading your thoughts. I'm not even inside your mind. On the contrary, you are inside of mine, at least a bit. Think whatever you want, I won't hear it_."

If Severus had indeed read his mind he would have learned a few swear words he maybe had never heard before. Or maybe had. But his complete unmoving demeanor reassured Remus, at least a bit. He would give him an earful back in Hogwarts, that much was for sure.

"_I see you can cope. There is something else I have to do, but first let us leave._"

Remus nodded silent approval, and then followed Severus down the small alley. It was darker now than it had been before, and Remus really didn't like his surroundings anymore. He could see shadows, and most of them were far more alive than he liked them to be. Turning around a corner he once more had the sudden impression that one of them was following him. He quickly threw a glance over his shoulder, but everything seemed calm. Shaking his head he caught up with Severus again, only to almost run into him when he suddenly stopped.

They were standing almost exactly in front of the entrance door to a rather unsavoury establishment that seemed to be the most rundown magical pub Remus had ever seen. And he wasn't one to be easily put off by something - his few years in muggle poverty had taken him to placed the magical world would never see. He saw Severus shrug.

"_Fancy a drink? We won't be long_."

Remus blinked. Severus must have lost his marbles. How could someone fancy a drink in something like this?

"_I will explain later. Just follow and play along. Or would you rather stay outside_?"

Looking around Remus pulled a face and shook his head. Really, waiting outside would be even worse. He also didn't see a sign saying "No Werewolves" with the appropriate ring to leash up your monster - a joke he would have loved to pull, had Severus not condemned him to silence. Shrugging he just followed him inside. As much as he hated being rendered wordless, there was something to be said about having the dark voice directly projected into his mind. It could have lend him to some very improper thoughts, but as he wasn't still a hundred percent certain that Severus really wasn't reading his mind he kept a firm control over his thoughts.

The interior of the pub wasn't any better than the exterior promised. It was dark, dirty, and stank like some of the worst caves Remus had ever slept hin. They took seats at the bar, and Severus ordered two whiskey in a tone of voice that would have gotten both of them kicked out anywhere else. Like this the bartender only grunted, and slapped two glasses of Fireball whiskey down in front of them.

"_Wouldn't drink it if I were you_."

Remus simply growled at the voice in his head. Severus, in the meantime, was simply staring ahead, looking for all the world utterly bored. He turned a cigarette he had gotten from who-knew-where between his long hands, from time to time sipping his whiskey. For a while nothing happened, and Remus wondered why exactly they were here. Then he heard the sound of a muggle lighter being used, and glanced over Severus' shoulder at the young mang sitting next to him at the bar.

He was astonishingly beautiful. A slim cut face with high cheekbones and large bright green eyes, surrounded by a perfectly cared for mass of silky, almost white blond hair - if Remus hadn't known better he would have been convinced that he was looking a Malfoy in the eyes. But there was something different about this man, although his elegantly cut clothing would have been to Lucius taste.

Apparently Severus had noticed him, too.

"Have fire?"

He held out a hand, not even trying to be polite. The young man turned his head, took him in, and raised an eyebrow. For a moment he seemed to fight hiding utter contempt, but then his breeding won over and the dropped the blue plastic lighter into Severus' hands.

"Thanks."

The man nodded, still not saying anything. Severus didn't react, lightened up his cigarette, and took a deep drag. Holding the lighter out to the young man again the former owner shock his head in thinly veiled disgust.

"Keep it."

Severus shrugged, and pocketed the lighter in his robes. The young man looked at him again, then wrinkled his nose and threw a few coins on the bar. With more elegance than the establishment had earned he slid off his bar stool, crossed the room, and slammed the door shut. The bartender picked the coins up and spit on the floor.

"Are you scaring away my customers, eh?"

Severus put his glass down and threw a few coins at the bartender who barely managed to catch them.

"Watch your tongue, and be glad that you're receiving any payment at all for the shit you're selling here. Better clean your taproom and when you're done continue with your own person - there's utter need for that."

The bartender almost choked on his anger, but Severus slid off his own bar stool and stalked out of the pub. Remus made haste to follow him, and on the whole way out half expected an angry curse to be thrown at his back. But although the bartender was sputtering insults nothing happened.

Outside he took in the relatively clean air - compared to the pub it was clean and fresh! - and shock his head at Severus, who had a smirk on his face Remus didn't like.

"_Work done, I propose we leave_."

Remus had no idea what kind of work Severus meant, but leaving was perfectly fine with him. Following Severus through the small alleys he once again had the impression that one of the shadows was following them. The feeling didn't leave, even though they soon reached the corner where they could turn onto Diagon Alley. The stores were closed now, but there were still people walking the street and looking at the brightly lit windows, and the streetlamps provided enough magical light. Remus felt his muscles relax.

"Can I speak again?"

Severus looked at him from the side.

"Of course. You see, in Knockturn Alley everything can have ears and eyes."

They made their way down Diagon Alley towards the Apparition Point. But even now, on the open street with the lights on Remus couldn't shake off the feeling of them being followed. He stopped dead in his tracks a few times and looked around, but nothing moved.

"Sorry, I just thought - maybe I'm overreacting."

Severus threw a glance over his own shoulders.

"I wouldn't be too sure. As I said, unsavoury areas."

Nodding Remus caught up with him again. It seemed fine, and he was sure that it was just his nerves. Quickly they reached the public Apparition corner, and Remus felt more at ease at the thought of being at home very soon.

"More talking when we're back, I'd propose."

Severus stepped into the corner first, and seconds later was gone. Remus followed suit, looking forward to the calm familiarity of the Forbidden Forest. He concentrated on his route, and felt the world around him slowly blur out. Seconds before he finally vanished he felt as if he saw a shadow moving, but he couldn't see anything clearly anymore. Then he was gone.

When he reopened his eyes he stood on the small clearing in the Forbidden Forest. The air was fresh and filled with the scent of wood and plants, the trees rustling in the soft evening breeze. He exhaled, relaxed even more, and then followed Severus, who had already walked over to the edge of the clearing, right to the spot where the path towards Hogwarts vanished inside the forest.

Remus caught up with him quickly, and together they left the clearing. But they hadn't even been three steps down the path when both of them heard a very faint and very familiar sound. A soft "plopp" echoed over the clearing, and before Remus could do anything he felt Severus take a firm hold of his upper arm and pull him off the path into the forest. They stumbled behind a large bush covering them, while still giving them a good view on the clearing.

Remus felt his pulse beating fast.

"Does that - "

He whispered, but before he even finished his sentence his voice was gone. It was a quick spell and gone immediately again. In the moonlight he saw Severus place a finger to his own lips and nod. Then Remus heard the voice in his head again.

"_We seem to have a visitor_."

Shuddering Remus stared through the branches of the bush, thankful for the full leaves granting them coverage, concentrating on the the clearing. He immediately saw that Severus had been right. There was a large shadow visible in the pale moonlight, and it was moving.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 20/11.2014

_Ama et fac quod vis - Love, and then do what you want. _

A/N: So much for my promise to update very often. But from now on I will have a bit more free time on my hands, and thus will try and update more regularly, especially now, with that cliffhanger..

Thanks for all the follows and the reviews that kept coming in. I try to answer them if I can, but if you're not logged in there's no way I can contact you. So, just a few short remarks, especially since KatyaV asked where I was headed with my Severus/Remus-relationship: I won't tell right now, because, really where's the excitement? It's not going to be a platonic friendship thing, though, and it won't turn into porn, for I don't really write that. But between these extremes everything is possible.. and I hope you'll stay with me to find out.

I was also very entertained by a reader named Happy, who supplied reviews for every single chapter, but then decided to not read further as they didn't like Remus. Still, the mass of reviews was astonishing and of course made me happy myself. (Attention whore, me is. I said it before, I'll say it again. Reviews make me happy. Heck, reviews make everybody happy!)


	12. You got a lot of nerve

**You got a lot of nerve  
**

They stood in silence for a second, focused on the movement on the clearing. Remus willed himself into complete stillness, breathing controlled and eyes easily focused in the dark. He only needed a few moments until his sight had adjusted and the open space before him came into clean focus in the dark. Next to him he felt Severus silent and concentrated, just like Remus focused on the clearing and waiting. Their closeness crept into Remus' mind for a short moment, but he didn't have time to pursue the thought further. Severus' hand still rested on his arm, but Remus wasn't sure if it was intentional at all.

Then the shadow on the clearing moved into a spot where the moonlight shone through the trees and the pale light lit the features for a short moment. Remus made out a face, brutish features, and small gleaming eyes. Within a split second it clicked in his mind and he knew whom he was looking at.

"The one from the newspaper - " His voice was but a whisper, perfectly silenced into a barely audible breath.

But Severus understood him. His own gaze was fixed upon the man, too, and when Remus threw a quick glance at him he couldn't quite interpret what he saw in his face.

Then Severus nodded slowly, and took a step back. Noiselessly he drew a hand over the buttons of his cloak, opening them with silent magic, and slipped it off his shoulders. Surprised Remus stared at him.

"_Don't intervene_."

Even in his mind the voice was but a dim whisper, but Severus looked him straight into the face and Remus nodded duly and took the offered cloak off Severus' hands who turned around.

Slowly and almost perfectly silent he walked through the underwood, a feat in itself on the uneven floor with all the dried branches that probably was enabled by a spell Remus didn't know. Then he was on the path in the open, walking leisurely towards the clearing where the man Remus knew from the newspaper - what had been his name? The ministry spy? He couldn't remember - was walking around visibly trying to determine where he was.

Remus wasn't fond of letting Severus approach the clearing on his own. He had ample fighting experience himself, and it didn't seem smart to face a wanted man who was potentially very dangerous alone. But then Remus had a clear view of everything and could intervene at any given moment - even though Severus had very clearly ordered him to stay in hiding. Frustrated by being relegated into idleness Remus draped the coat properly over his arm, noticing how lightweight the fabric actually was, and despite his mind being busy with other things picking up the subtle smell of verbena, strong assam and smoke clinging to the fabric.

Then Severus reached the section where the path merged with the clearing and stood still for a moment. Remus only saw his back, with his hands innocently clasped, conveniently hiding his wand from sight. Remus hadn't noticed him even taking it from his cloak, or wherever he had hidden it before. For a split second he became aware that he hadn't seen Severus use his wand at all in the past weeks, neither for brewing nor for performing other spells. It couldn't mean good things that he now took it with him, and Remus was well aware that even the most accomplished wizards still used wands for battle.

For a brief second nothing happened. The man still had his back to Severus, who simply stood waiting, his white shirt gleaming strangely in the weak light. He seemed strangely relaxed, and not at all as if he were poised for a fight or confrontation.

When the man finally turned around and realized he wasn't alone he made a very fast movement betraying the accomplished fighter and then stopped. Severus didn't even flinch.

"Ha, it's you? Creeping up to me, you lucky bastard, could've killed you."

His voice was coarse and Remus instantly knew that he was looking at the man he had seen at the Opium den. So this was where he had known the face in the newspaper from. He cursed silently for not seeing the connection earlier, and then looked through the leaves once more. This was going to be very interesting, then, with the added layers of meaning.

Severus, in the meantime, seemed rather bored. Then his posture shifted slightly. In a gesture entirely unusual for his usual movement patterns he gently swayed back and forth, transferring his body weight from his heels to his toes, a constant movement that annoyed Remus just from watching it for a few seconds, and looked rather stupid.

"Must be my lucky day, Overy."

There it was again, the dark purr that had nearly driven Remus crazy in the Opium den, and for a moment Remus wondered what kind of facial expression went with it this time. But he only saw Harold Overy - now he remembered the name! - and the sudden lust in his face.

"Oh yes, it is your lucky day for sure."

The man idly stepped forward, but didn't move further. Severus didn't seem to mind, humming something under his breath.

"Just wonder, you know, how you came here. Really, haven't expected you here."

Overy laughed.

"You know, there are spells. Stuff you don't understand, of course, but let me make it easy for you. I'll try to explain. We have these pattern tracing spells, very useful little things used to understand apparition behavior - are these too many long words for you? Well. I simply followed that rugged bloke you were with and voilà, here I am."

Remus was offended, not because he hadn't thought of himself as a rugged bloke, but because Overy spoke with Severus as if he was facing a slightly slow houseelf. But then Severus didn't look very smart, fidgeting on his spot as he was, and the slight shift in his speech patterns didn't help. The gap between the authoritative figure Remus usually knew and the man on the clearing fidgeting and seemingly searching for words could not have been larger.

But Severus only made appreciative noises, still swaying back and forth.

"I see. Fancy thing, that spell."

Overy flashed a grin.

"Told you I can do great things with magic."

The self-praise and the sense of selfhood almost made Remus choke.

"Great things, indeed. So, you know where you are?"

The grin on Overy's face stayed steady, broadened even.

"Some wood in Scotland. You live here?"

Strangely enthusiastic Severus nodded.

"A wood in Scotland, yes."

He stopped his swaying movement - finally, if one had asked Remus - and moved a few steps in onto the clearing. Overy had no idea, but Remus realized that he was placing himself firmly between the castle and Overy. The man wouldn't leave those woods, that much was sure.

"Yes, you see, I live here. It's called Forbidden Forest, by the way."

Surprised Overy raised his eyebrows.

"Oh dear me, we're in Hogwarts? Really? My alma mater! Wonderful. You know, I'm a Gryffindor."

It took all of Remus self-control to not slam his palm against his forehead, and he could have sworn that he almost heard Severus' choked laughter.

"What a surprise."

For a small second his voice fell out of his velvety drawl, and the dryness in it would have drained a pool. Overy, however, was immune to such details.

"Yes, the House of the Brave and the Loyal. How come something like you lives here? They employ squibs?"

It seemed that either Overy was just as dumb as Remus imagined, or he had a sense of humour Remus couldn't detect. But at the moment he ventured for dumb. Severus crooked his head slightly, and Remus wished he could have saved this moment somehow, just for the sheer pleasure of watching someone call the Head of Slytherin a squib and being entirely convinced he was right.

"They found a nice little spot for me here, really, nice and calm. There was space in the dungeons, you see."

There was no chance Overy wouldn't get that hint, now, was there? But Remus put too much faith into the stout ministry worker turned incapable self-employed spy.

"I remember, there was much space there. So what are you doing, some sort of janitor job?"

Severus tilted his head again.

"Something to that extent. But, really, I love our little chat, but I have to get back, boss won't be happy. What can I do for you tonight?"

Overy stepped forward once more, and Severus released his arms from his back and dropped them to his sides, effectively bringing his wand into Overy's line of sight for the first time. The man stopped again.

"My, who gave you a wand? Do you even know what how to use it?"

Severus cast a glance down at his left hand, and then shrugged.

"Might just, but that's not really important, is it?"

Overy stared at him, now with open and unabashed hunger in his eyes.

"No, not really I guess, though I'm not sure if a squib having a wand might not be against the law."

While he spoke Severus changed his standing position, just a bit, and started to unbutton his cuffs with the slowest of movements, all the while still balancing his wand between his fingers. With the ease of someone having all the time in the world he rolled both sleeves up to a point just underneath his elbow, and then stretched. Remus knew it was nothing but show, but it worked. Overy couldn't take his eyes off him. The dark mark seemed to almost glow in the pale moonlight.

"Oh yes, what do I want. You see, we had that agreement, and it was really rather favorable."

Dropping his arms back to his sides Severus shrugged.

"Ah, but Overy, you're worthless now. Blew your cover, did you, and who's going to give you information now? Nay, you're no longer interesting."

That was something Overy hadn't expected, and his eyebrows shot up in his face.

"Not sure you're meaning that, boy. Anyway, why let's not go somewhere a bit nicer than these woods, you sure have a hut somewhere, don't you?"

Remus rolled his eyes in the dark. He wasn't sure he had ever met someone as dense as Overy. But then Severus clearly enjoyed the strange game unfolding on the clearing. Or not.

"I certainly don't have a hut, and you're starting to bore me. I'd say it's time for you to leave."

Gone was the dark drawl, replaced by a tone of voice Remus and every student Severus had ever taught knew too well. And even Overy picked up on that.

"New side of you, boy? You got a lot of nerve. Nice, sometimes I like them a bit feisty. It's just a bit too dark here, don't you think? Let's go somewhere with a bit more light. You're not that ugly, after all."

For a short second nothing happened. Then, out of nowhere, Overy stood in a ring of fire that suddenly soared up from the ground, burning the grass and making the man scream with surprise. For a split second the whole clearing was lightened by its intense golden glow. Then it was gone again and it was dark, though the scent of burnt grass remained in the air.

"What the hell - "

Overy didn't finish his sentence.

"I thought you wanted light."

Another flame shot into the air centimeters from Overy's right foot, and the man jumped into the air like a scared cat. Remus snickered in the dark. Now this was getting entertaining.

"What - who taught you these spells? It's illegal for a squib to use a wand like that and -"

But he couldn't finish his sentence, having to flee from the fire that suddenly emerged from beneath his shoes.

"Dear me, was I having fun again. You see, that fire is a bit difficult to control."

Severus shrugged, still standing rather relaxed. He hadn't even moved his wand. Overy needed some effort to collect himself and refurnish his demeanor and sooth his ruffled feathers.

"Who taught you that? Is that dark wizard now telling his underlings these things?"

The scent of burnt grass still hung in the air, but even though Overy carefully regarded the meadow beneath his feet nothing happened.

"But you always said you liked playing with fire."

Overy growled, producing his own wand from his pocket.

"Now don't make me overpower you."

Remus grinned in the dark, and he heard Severus laugh softly.

"Spare yourself the pain. You will apparate away from here within the next twenty seconds, and we will forget about this."

It was an order, not a suggestion, but Overy didn't take well to being ordered around.

"And if I don't you'll do what? Come on, don't be ridiculous. You don't stand a chance against me."

He laughed, a brutish sound deep in his throat.

"That remains to be seen. But what do I do now? Cashing in on the money on your head seems tempting, but simply getting rid of you would be rather pleasurable, so I'd lean towards the latter option."

Somehow Overy seemed to suddenly develop a certain grasp on the severity of the situation he was in. He cast a more doubtful glance at Severus, his wand gripped a bit tighter then before.

"You think you could kill me like that?"

Severus shrugged.

"It's less about being able to than about being willing to, wouldn't you agree."

He tipped his head to the side, in a slight angle, and smiled.

"Or would you like to know my current body count to measure the probability of your survival?"

Now the last trace of the feigned innocence in Severus' voice was gone, while at the same time it had dropped down a nuance or two, with just enough cold to imply that he was not only in the possession of something like a body count, but also kept it immaculately and had no qualms about adding another corpse to it. Remus noticed that Overy took on a stance resembling the basic duelling positions he had seen in his youth in the corridors. His visible preparation for a fight looked strange compared to Severus, who still seemed perfectly relaxed and at ease.

"You couldn't - who do you think you are?"

Since Severus had slightly moved on the clearing Remus now could see not only his back but also his profile, and it wasn't difficult to pick up on the fact that somehow Severus seemed to enjoy the situation more then he was supposed to, a cat playing with its dinner while it was still alive and squealing. Remus wasn't too sure if he liked what he saw there.

"Always these big existential questions, really. Let's keep this a bit lighter, shouldn't we? A little game. What do you think I am?"

Overy shrugged, still gripping his wand rather tight.

"Some bored low-ranked Death Eater, I assume. Thought you were a squib, but it looks as if you lied to me."

Somehow the last part of Overys sentence indicated that he was deeply flustered by the mere idea of being lied to by someone as unimportant as a 'low-ranked Death Eater'. The slightly sardonic smirk on Severus' face broadened.

"I tend to lie an awful lot, but you were very easy to lie to. Probably the worst would-be-spy I've ever encountered, and you can trust me when I say I've seen a lot."

Overy stared at Severus from across the clearing, eyes narrowed, obviously trying to remain as aloof as he had been before. But the first cracks in his arrogant exterior were visible. Then he raised his wand.

"I will not have a half-wit like you insulting me."

Severus shrugged.

"You're such a spoil sport. Alright, challenge me and we can fight this out, I'm in the mood. Still - "

He sighed and shifted his position.

"See, you're not just everywhere, and there's a certain protocol I'd like to keep with. So, if you don't mind - "

He looked to the ground and shrugged, all the while being stared at by Overy who apparently had never before pointed his wand at someone who simply didn't care about it. Then Severus looked up again, and at the same time the clearing was flooded by a field of cold energy. It caressed Remus' skin for a brief second, his body tingling from contact. But it was soft and felt strangely familiar. Still the cold was uncomfortable, and Remus realized that Severus had dropped the masking spell concealing his magical powers without bothering to hide the darker side of it. But before Remus could entertain that particular thought further he watched Severus slowly raising his own wand.

"Harold Overy, you've intruded on the grounds of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, without invitation and with malicious intent. As residing Head of the House of Slytherin I stand guard and protect these grounds. I order you to either leave immediately or face consequences for your intrusion."

There was no room for doubt in his voice, and he looked very much like the very image of a man you wouldn't want to mess with.

The look of Overy's face was priceless. A mixture of intense surprise and anger flew across his features, distorting them into rage.

"What? You dirty liar, you - "

The remaining insults were drowned out by the first curse he almost immediately threw into Severus direction, who hardly moved and simply blocked it. Hidden away behind his bush Remus hastily drew up a protecting shield of his own. He was well out of sight, but any fight could leave badly aimed curses flying into the surrounding, and he wasn't sure whether Overy had a good aim.

In the meantime the clearing erupted with the pure power of the thrown curses. Overy was a good fighter and as trained auror obviously had faced extensive duelling training, but it became quickly clear that Severus seemed mostly unimpressed by his attacks. He simply kept on moving, evading the major spells with relative ease. He seemed reluctant to attack himself, using simple but powerful deflecting spells Remus knew, but wouldn't have thought of himself.

Watching the potentially deadly theater on the clearing Remus tried to remember when he had seen Severus fight the last time, and was quickly certain that it must have been sometime in their Sixth Year, in some of the corridor brawls they had ran into all the time. Possibly Sirius had been the opponent, Remus wasn't sure. He didn't remember being impressed with the Slytherin's conduct, and couldn't even piece together who had actually won. A lot things had happened since then, obviously, and he remembered Severus' admission during their Oxford trip that he had fought for his college's Duell Team.

It was also obviously that what was happening on the clearing had nothing to do with proper duelling but had the character of a street battle. Overy was throwing an abundance of rather nasty hexes into Severus' direction, who sometimes came up with small spells that made Overy jump and change positions, but generally just kept himself out of the general line of attack. The tactic behind the whole scenario dawned on Remus rather quickly. Overy was exhausting himself with the sheer amount of magic needed for his barrage of curses, while Severus made sure that his opponent would keep on moving around, teasing here and there and inciting more rage in Overy. It would be only a matter of time until the would-be-spy would run out of energy to supply his curses with the necessary strength, lending a good opportunity to overpower him with ease and without any real risk.

So all Severus had to do was to keep Overy moving, and that was exactly what he did. To Remus' disappointment he wasn't showing off, hardly using any spells Remus didn't know, at least not when he actually said something. He didn't seem to need his wand to keep most of the shielding spells up, and the small hexes he placed here and there required only minimal wand-waving. There was something lazy about his movements, as if the fight was boring him, and it drove Overy even deeper into his rage. They exchanged some insults here and there, but used nothing that had the capacity to make Remus blush or seemed terribly creative.

Just when Remus started to wonder when Severus would grow tired of his opponents' anger the fight slowed down. Overy stood on his side of the clearing, slightly out of breath and growling with anger.

"Nothing but a sad little trickster, are you. But I'm done with being friendly now. I will no longer tolerate the disrespectful behavior of some random Death Eater with delusions of grandeur. This will end here!"

He pointed his wand straight at Severus, seething with rage. Remus suddenly felt the looming danger.

"Now you will learn a lesson! Cru - "

He didn't even manage to finish his spell. The silent counter curse hit him straight in the chest, and he gasped for breath once more before he tumbled to the ground, a mass of limp body parts. His wand fell to the ground next to his body.

Annoyed Severus dropped his own wand back to his side and shock his head.

"Not that ugly? Random Death Eater with delusions of grandeur? Be glad that killing people has gotten terribly difficult these days, really, otherwise -"

He sounded mortally offended, for the first time during the whole fight. Then he walked over to his motionless opponent, stood above him for a second and then in a strange movement circled his wand above the body once, murmuring a soft spell that Remus just so managed to understand.

"Silete, silete, silentium habete."

It was more of an incantation than a spell, nothing Remus had ever heard, a strange melody. But Overy had been right - it was over. Remus sighed a breath of relief, and dissolved the shielding spell he had kept up during the fight. Severus still stood in the middle of the clearing looking down on the completely motionless Overy who, if Remus guessed correctly, probably was out like a light and would stay that way for a rather long time.

But just as Remus was about to leave his hiding place a sudden stream of light flooded the clearing. As quickly as he could he retreated back into the safety of the shrubbery and stared wide-eyed at the clearing, where Severus had turned around sharply.

"What is happening here?"

As if he had appeared out of thin air Albus Dumbledore stood in the middle of the clearing, his wand pointed straight at Severus. The air was prickling with the amount of power surrounding him, and he didn't look amused at all.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 25/11/2014

_Silete, silete, silentium habete - be silent, be silent, keep the silence!_

I see you really wanted to know how this turned out, judging from all the new followers. (Hello!) I kept it short to update a bit quicker than usually. More to come soon, as this is not over yet...


	13. Sometimes the truth is the best way out

**Sometimes the truth is the best way out**

"Why is a man from the Ministry's most wanted list lying on the grounds of my school, after having done battle with a member of faculty?"

Albus' voice echoed across the clearing, his anger clearly detectable. His wand still pointed straight at Severus he stared at the perfectly still form of Harold Overy. Unwillingly Remus retreated further into the shrubbery. If there was one place in this world he didn't want to be it was at the other end of Albus Dumbledore's wand.

"Explain yourself. Now. And I would advise you not to move until my curiosity has been satisfied."

Severus simply and very calmly raised his hands, and his wand flew straight into Albus' outstretched left hand. It was gone from sight so quickly Remus thought there must be a concealing spell at work. It was a strange scenario, and an almost perfect reversal of the situation just minutes before. Once again there were two duelling partners on the clearing, and once again it seemed that one of them quickly win predominance if worst came to worst.

"As I do not have an impending death wish you can rest assured that I will remain perfectly still."

A surly look on his face Albus raised an eyebrow. Remus was amazed to see all the lovely quirks the headmaster usually displayed gone from sight, leaving nothing but pure authority and a thinly veiled threat. He had always suspected the eccentric behavior being nothing more than a performance, and found himself finally being handed proof for his theory.

"A bad moment for your wit, Severus. Explain this."

Sighing Severus raised his hands further.

"Apologies. You already know that you're looking at Harold Quentin Overy. It seems that he spotted Lupin and me in Diagon Alley, followed us around for a while and used a classified Apparition Pattern Detection spell to read out our route. He followed us, I confronted him and things turned into a little duel. He attempted to use a Cruciatus, upon which I decided to end the whole matter quickly."

Albus looked down on Overy.

"How did you block the curse?"

He seemed to be genuinely interested.

"A Silete in two different stages, using the full incantation to bind him properly. It's an uncommon spell, but not officially registered as forbidden, difficult to trace and read as pattern spell and carries few clues to the magical signature of the one using it."

Albus looked up again.

"This is not an examination, you might remember. How many wizards actually know and use that spell? A handful. But we should discuss your choice of magic used later. For now I have a second question I want a detailed answer to."

He took another minute to regard Severus intently, and even hiding in his bush Remus couldn't help but admire the calm demeanor Severus kept. He didn't know a single person who wouldn't fidget under the glance of the headmaster, himself included.

"Why did Harold Overy choose to follow you?"

For a split second it seemed as if Severus' face would betray something, but he kept his facade up.

"That is a good question. I used to do minor deals with him, but that was before his ministry expulsion and there was no contact afterwards. I would imagine he intended to blackmail me with some piece of knowledge he thought he had."

Slowly Albus' eyebrow rose.

"And did he have the necessary information for that?"

Severus shrugged, a hint of annoyance in his face.

"Of course not, what do you think of me? He had no idea, and I fully intend to oblivate him properly later."

Albus seemed relieved and nodded. Then he pointed towards the body.

"For someone who advocates against the Oblivate at any given moment I'm surprised to hear that. Let me guess that you actually intended to kill him, but we will speak about that later. Now you will dispose of him. Leave him somewhere they will find him quickly, use a good Oblivate, and put a time-delayed dissolving spell over the Silete. Clean whatever could point into your direction. Do it properly, I will not talk you out of Azkaban for that."

Nodding with a certain air of resignation Severus kneeled next to the body of Overy. He looked up once more, but Albus shock his head.

"Don't even ask for your wand. You will be able to perform the spells without it, I am very much aware of the true extent of your magical powers."

Sighing Severus looked down again, reaching out to touch Overy. But Albus wasn't done.

"And one last thing, before you leave."

Looking up once more they looked straight at each other for a moment. Albus' eyes remained unblinking.

"When you come back you will tell me truth."

Severus didn't answer, simply looking down again and touching Overys' shoulder. Then they were both gone. Shaking his head Albus looked up, sighing and pocketing his wand in his flowing dark blue robes. Then he coughed.

"Remus Lupin, get out of that shrubbery."

Flinching in his hiding spot Remus involuntarily drew his head beneath his shoulders. But hiding was utterly pointless, and so he made his way out of the bush and onto the clearing, still holding Severus' cloak draped over his arm.

"Hello Albus."

Trying to smile convincingly Remus crossed the clearing, coming to a standstill next to Albus who simply looked at him with weary eyes.

"I'm surprised to find you hiding in a bush, what an unlikely behavior for a Gryffindor. Still, it was a smart way of action. What were you two thinking? I'm disappointed. And now tell, how much truth was in Severus' tale?"

Remus cleared his throat.

"A lot, actually. We walked through Knockturn Alley when I thought someone was following us, but I wasn't really sure. It seems that he followed my apparition track to Hogwarts, because I saw him lunging from the shadows briefly before I disapparated. I've never heard of that spell he used."

Albus nodded slowly.

"I see. No, you couldn't have heard of that spell, it's a rather secret thing the ministry keeps under wraps. They use it rarely, it's a bit difficult. I guess Severus had no idea, either."

At that very moment the very named man reappeared on the clearing, alone this time. Albus immediately turned towards him, and he raised his hands in an almost automatic gesture.

"Did you do what I told you to?"

Severus nodded.

"Of course."

Albus still didn't look very convinced or satisfied with their current situation.

"I hope you're right, otherwise you will be in for some trouble. And now, if you please - let us move this to my office."

Without waiting for them Albus turned around and led the way through the forest towards the castle. Remus caught Severus' eyes for a short second, but the other man only shrugged and held out a hand for his cloak. It took Remus a minute to give it up. He had gotten used to the weight of the fabric, and now needed to forcefully remind him that it wasn't his coat and that he had to actually hand it back to it's proper owner. Severus took it back, nodded a silent thanks and followed Albus towards the castle. Remus trudged behind, slowly. He wasn't exactly looking forward to their meeting in Albus' office, though his curiosity couldn't be quite silenced. Whatever was bound to happen was going to be interesting, that much was sure.

In silence they marched through the dark woods. Nothing moved as they passed the thick trees, not even any of the small creatures living in the underwood. It seemed as if Albus Dumbledore's enraged presence had scared every living being into seeking cover. Rightly so, Remus mused. He could sympathize.

Not even fifteen minutes later they reached the grande office of the headmaster, and Remus took a seat in one of the wooden chairs in front of the desk. It felt too much like the few encounters with Albus he had experienced during his school days, usually in the wake of some unfortunate plan that had gone entirely too fast into the wrong direction. Albus knew exactly that Remus was the easiest to talk to in the group, and more than once he had sat under the headmasters' piercing gaze, trying to keep a calm demeanor and not to give away secrets he desperately wanted to keep.

It felt very much the same now. Albus took a seat in his large chair, pulling Severus' wand from the pockets of his robe and carefully placing it on his desk.

Severus himself didn't seem to find the offer of a chair attractive. He stayed in the open space behind the chairs, placing only his cloak over the back of his own chair, and remaining standing, his elbows on the back of the chair, hands dangling. He seemed perfectly at ease, but Remus knew an act when he saw it.

And Albus wasn't happy with the situation.

"Sit down, please. There is no need for you to stand towering above us like this."

Very slowly Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Is that an order?"

Annoyed Albus waved a hand into Severus' direction, while at the same time shooting an apologetic smile at Remus, who didn't belive in it's truth for a moment.

"No, a request. Please. And go see Poppy when we're done, I can't see you walking around with that torn-up wrist of yours without a bandage. Doesn't it hurt?"

Sighing and rather dramatically Severus walked around the chair and dropped into it, crossing his long legs and folding his hands neatly. The comment on the state of his still injured wrist only caused him to raise an eyebrow in silent denial.

"There, I'm sitting. What a lovely chat we'll be having. And I'm fine, thank you."

Albus' face was that of a disappointed mother.

"Really, you're dreadful. Do not turn this into a drama."

The whole person of Severus seemed to silently indicate that indeed it wasn't him who was turning anything into a drama, but he remained mercifully silent. Remus, on the other hand, continued to feel the sinking realisation that the drama had only just begun.

"Good. Now tell me again how you come to know Harold Overy, and how it happened that I do not know about this."

Himself folding his hands Albus leant back in his comfortable chair.

"I already told you - "

But Albus cut him off mid-sentence.

"Oh, but I belive you didn't."

For a moment nobody said anything. Then Severus sighed.

"If you must know. He has been circeling around in the unsavoury parts of London for a while. He was bored by his job, and since he's a greedy bastard he started to think of ways to rise to power and wealth through other ways than his ministry position allowed. He tried to contact Lucius, but they clashed quickly and Lucius cut him off. Still Overy drifted through the crowds searching for other ways to contact Voldemort himself, without having to resolve to dealing with Lucius. The information he was looking to sell wasn't vital for the ministry, but he had detailed knowledge about security measurements and classified spells. His meandering came to my knowledge, and I managed to stumble into his way and convince him that I'd do the trade for him, give him access to Voldemort. That worked nicely, he fully believed he had been dealing with the Dark Lord for the past month, and Voldemort never even heard his name."

Albus blinked twice.

"I see. I recall your warnings concerning a few security holes and problematic spells - that came from him? It proved to be true in all instances."

Severus nodded.

"Yes. He wasn't smart, but he had access to a few important documents and he was willing to sell everything he knew. Lately he blew his cover by accident, and you've read the newspaper articles on that. I don't know much more, as I had to cut him off immediately for obvious reasons."

Suddenly Remus realized that he was probably not supposed to know a few things that were being said. Was he supposed to offer to leave? But nobody had indicated anything like that. And it was fascinated to listen to Severus and watch Albus, whose brain seemed to make connection at the speed of light. He was obviously watching a well-rehearsed situation that had taken place many times before, and would repeat itself with different topics over and over again in the future.

"You intended to kill him to ensure your own cover?"

It was an honest question, but Remus was stunned for a moment. Next to him Severus shrugged.

"That would have been the safe and logical way. I did think about it, but it's become difficult to get rid of bodies, and lately Voldemort has been very disapproving of rouge Death Eater activities. I couldn't find a way to ensure Overy's silence without drawing the Dark Lord's attention, at least not yet. An opportunity would have arisen sooner than later, but now it's too late anyway."

Albus nodded his approval.

"I see. You feared his reaction?"

The slight surprise on Severus' face was quickly gone again.

"I would prefer to not sit in an interrogation for Voldemort anytime soon, at least not in one I'm not leading myself."

Leading an interrogation - oh. Something in Remus' mind clicked perfectly into place. That was what Severus did for Voldemort? He just managed to suppress a shudder. Albus, completely unfazed, had already continued his very own interview.

"Very well. Let's hope for the best here."

He looked at Severus for a few short moments, regarding him with a silent gaze.

"What you said is logical, but still - there is something else, is there not? You are hiding something."

Severus looked as innocent as someone in his position possibly could.

"What makes you think so?"

Albus continued his examination.

"I have a feeling."

For a moment there was silence. Then Albus gestured into Severus general direction.

"Do me the favor and remove the illusion charm you're using."

Remus followed Albus' gaze, surprised at the turn of events. He had always been aware that Severus used some spell to alter his appearance. Many teachers did, it kept unwanted attention at bay, and in Severus' special case helped to establish a fictional persona beyond the actual man. Manipulating one's appearance wasn't too difficult and didn't use high amount of magic. Still it was a form of advanced magic most wizards were not capable of, especially not when it came to keeping the spell working for a longer period of time.

"Is that a request or - "

Severus didn't even get to finish his sentence.

"No, it's not."

Now visible annoyed Severus rolled his eyes, but remained unmoving. For a second nothing happened. Then it seemed as if the outlines of his whole person turned blurry for a split second, and Remus blinked in confusion. It was over as quickly as it had happened, the spell dissolved in thin air, and Remus immediately understood why Severus used it even in during the holidays, unlike the other teachers, who had returned to their real appearance as soon as the last student had left the castle.

He looked worse for wear without it. There were deep lines in his face and dark circles underneath his eyes, signs of perpetual tiredness. The lines of his face seemed sharper, it's angles and contour closer to the face Remus remembered from his own youth. The high cheekbones remained, but his nose seemed a bit less prominent, the lips a bit less thin and pale. His hair was longer, barely brushing his shoulders, tied back carelessly, but clean.

"Are you satisfied?"

And the voice remained unchanged, the deep silky baritone, smooth and well-controlled. Remus smiled involuntarily.

"Yes. Though I must say - you look very tired."

Annoyed Severus shock his head, and brushed a strand of hair away from his face.

"Bless your power of observation. I am tired, Albus, and this interview is not helping it."

Remus would have agreed, but something else had caught his eye. The movement of Severus' right hand had attracted his attention, long fingers tucking a strand of black hair behind an ear, the movement slightly slow due to the injury in the wrist. His long hands were unchanged, maybe a bit too thin, bones in the wrists protruding. But that wasn't what had gained Remus attention. For a short moment he had seen something else.

"What happened to your arms?"

It was the first thing Remus said since they had entered the office, and for a moment it seemed as if both men had simply forgotten his presence and only now remembered that he was there at all. Then both looked at him, Albus from across the table and Severus from the side. Nobody answered immediately. But then, reluctantly, Severus raised his right arm again, turning the inside out.

"That? Work. Alchemy is dangerous. Cauldrons explode, things go awry. We work with fire. We burn."

It sounded very plausible, and it explained the myriad of small scars and burn marks visible all over Severus' forearms. Both were covered in small and long cuts, healed but still visible. On the left forearm, just below the Dark Mark he bore a long and angry red burn mark, possible retained from an exploding cauldron. Remus remembered the story about Severus' first meeting with Andreas Libavius, and how the bohemian potionsmaster had ended up picking shards out of his new lab partner. It seemed plausible.

But it didn't explain anything. It didn't explain the smaller marks, round burns, the exact size of cigarette buds. It didn't explain the few longer cuts, perfectly straight. And it didn't explain the hideous bulging scar wrapped twice around the right wrist, exactly crossing the arteries visible underneath almost translucent skin. It was old, but apparently had never been cared for or stitched-up properly. Now it remained an angry line carved into the skin.

Remus didn't need a good imagination to understand what that could be. He stared in shock for a moment, and then gulped down everything he wanted to say or ask. It wasn't the right time and place.

And Severus' attention was fixed on Albus again.

"Are we finished here? As you remarked so nicely, I would like to catch some sleep."

Albus nodded, and smiled.

"Almost, just one more thing."

Severus, already making moves to stand up, leant back into his chair, his face a perfect expression of full-blown annoyance. Albus simply continued.

"Just a small thing. You said you did trade with Overy, yes? He gave you information, you promised to lead him to Tom, though you never went through with it. But your little deal must have lasted a while, as I recall you delivering me information coming from Overy for more than a year now."

Impatient Severus nodded, waving a long hand in the air in a gesture of dismissal.

"Yes, and?"

Satisfied Albus leant forward, placing his elbows on the table and stapling his fingers.

"Surely he didn't enjoy being kept away from Tom for such a long time. Trade, you said. So, I wonder, what exactly did you give him?"

Remus froze. That was the one question he had hoped Albus wouldn't ask. But if Severus had been afraid of that precise question he didn't let it on.

"This and that. Nothing particular. He mostly wanted to hear what a great man he was."

Albus still smiled at him.

"I don't belive you."

He said it so cheerfully, as if he had just wished them a good morning or a happy easter holiday. Remus tried to still his own rising panic. How would Albus react if he knew the truth?

"Then don't. Why are you so interested in that particular detail?"

The smile intensified.

"Ah, you see, it's curiosity, plain and boring. I also wish to understand the ways you operate, considering that you carry highly sensitive information. I'd rather not risk that, but you surely understand that."

There was a hint of anger visible on Severus' face as he lifted his chin just a bit.

"Are you implying that my actions are endangering the order?"

A sudden harshness betrayed how enraged the mere idea made him. Albus was still smiling, and Remus reminded himself once more that the beloved headmaster wasn't the senile old man he pretended to be most of the times, but in fact a rather ruthless and sometimes brutal tactician.

"I am hoping that you're telling me something that will make sure that I don't have to think that."

Severus, apparently very much used to this side of Albus, shock his head.

"Be assured that the order was never endangered, not any moment. My dealings with Overy were of a most private nature, and I wish to keep them that way."

Albus nodded.

"I understand. And yet Remus Lupin knows exactly what we are talking about, does he not? It cannot be that private, then."

Remus felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an approaching lorry. He sat up a bit straighter, trying his best to keep his facial expression as innocent as possible.

"I'm not sure I do. Really, Albus, I have no idea."

There. Now a trustful smile, a puppy like glance, and everything would be fine. And it was. Albus blue eyes smiled back at him, unblinking, brilliant in their brightness, and the soft tapping against Remus' forehead didn't even annoy him that much. It was nothing but a small tickle, prickling against the skin on his face. He almost giggled at the sensation, his smile broadening.

But then it felt as if a thick velvet blanket was draped over his head, heavy fabric shutting out the soft tingle, cutting off the eye contact he had held with Albus. It was the same strange charm he had already felt earlier that day. Confused Remus blinked at the sheer intensity at the blocking spell, shaking his head, and immediately glaring at Albus.

"Albus, stop it. Now."

Severus glared at Albus, his arms crossed in front of his chest, open disdain in his voice. Albus was still smiling innocently, as if he hadn't just tried to used a legilimency spell to gain access into Remus' mind.

"Then I guess you have to tell me yourself."

It took about two minutes before Severus said something, but Remus was still occupied with fending off the strange feeling of the legilimency-attempt and didn't even notice the silence. His mind felt strange, in an unkown disorder, dizzy.

"Laudabiliter se subiecit. Do you enjoy playing me like this? And are you sure you want to know?"

Albus raised an eyebrow, his bright and dangerous smile never faltering.

"How am I not supposed to want to know the answer to a question I asked?"

Shrugging Severus returned his hands into his lap, neatly folded. Then the sardonic grin was back on his face, tugging at the corner of his thin lips.

"It's not a comfortable answer, you must know."

Albus simply stared at him, now openly curious. Severus smiled broader, shrugged once more, and leant further back into his chair.

"Sex, Albus. That was what he wanted."

As if filmed in slow-motion Remus watched Albus smile drop, a look of utter disbelieve crossing over his face, replaced quickly by sheer horror as soon as Severus' words fully reached his mind and he made the connection.

The smile on Severus face seemed to develop a rather malicious quality, a barely hidden enjoyment of Albus' shock just below the surface.

"Are you satisfied with my answer?"

But Albus couldn't answer. For a long time he simply stared at Severus, until the look of utter horror slowly vanished from his face and only sadness remained. Then he slowly unclasped his fingers and sank back into his chair.

"And you knew that?"

He looked straight at Remus, but his gaze was without any hidden traces of magic. He simply wanted to know, and Remus had to nod.

"I did. I saw something at the opium den, and put the pieces together."

And there went his blackmail potential. Bloody hell. But then it had been bound to happen, had it not?

"I see. That doesn't mean I understand."

For the first time that evening Severus cast a look at Remus and simply shrugged.

"I'm not asking you to."

Suddenly looking very defeated Albus stared across the table.

"But why, for Merlin's sake? Why do you run around and offer your body up for trade like - "

Albus didn't finish the sentence. It seemed that the final word was stuck in his throat. Calmly Severus took over, completely unfazed.

"Like a whore, I think you meant to say."

The word seemed to hover in the air for a moment. Remus tried to look at their conversation as if he could distance himself from it. He remembered his own shock, back then in the Opium den, when he had first laid eyes on Overy and understood what kind of trade Severus actually kept going in these parts of London's underbelly. But even with their ensuing conversation it had taken him a long time to fully comprehend everything.

"Yes, and no, I didn't - how can you do this? Is it really worth it?"

Shaking his head Severus passed a hand over his face, rubbing his eyes for a moment.

"There's a reason why you don't have to know everything I do, yes? You might see that now. In any case, of course it is. And before you think I spent my nights leaning against streetlights like a sad hooker - "

The image was so ridiculous that Remus couldn't help snorting. Severus grinned himself and threw him a sideways glance.

" - which apparently even Lupin finds amusing. Especially in the past years sex hasn't featured high on the list of goods I offer if trade becomes necessary. Certainly was when I was younger, but now? We're all getting older, and time has not been kind to me. I was amused when I realized what Overy wanted, as you can imagine. Questionable as his tastes may be, he made it very easy for me to sound him out that way. His information saved lives. That makes it worth it in my eyes. But then my morals have been questioned before."

He looked across the table at Albus, a surprising honest look on his face. There was something like tenderness in his eyes, and Remus suddenly understood that he really wanted Albus to understand his motives. But it didn't seem as if Severus' wishes would be granted that night.

Albus looked at the table in front of him for a moment. Then he nodded, very slowly, and looked up again.

"I need to think about this. Please leave now."

For a brief moment Severus closed his eyes in silent defeat. Then he nodded, and stood up.

"As you wish."

He turned away from the desk, picked up his cloak from the chair and called for his wand with an outstretched hand. With all his possessions in his hands he walked from the desk towards the door, and only turned around one more time in the door frame.

"Albus, think about it for a while. And then talk to me. I can help you understand and see the logic, because there is a certain logic behind my actions. It always is. You have to trust me."

Albus simply nodded, silent, without looking at Severus. But Remus had turned around in his chair and caught Severus' glance. He tried to smile encouragingly, but the man only shrugged, turned around and left. The door closed softly behind him.

* * *

(c) Fayet - 7/12/2014

_Laudabiliter se subiecit - Laudably he surredered. Unknown origins, probably coming from ecclesiastical lawsuits. Generally found there to mark the end of the trial with the accussed submitting to the judgement.  
_

Sorry for the slow updates - I'm doing my best to keep it going. Hello to the new followers as well.


End file.
